Thank you for your continued readership Ms Watts. People have been put off by far less vitriolic posts. It leads me to believe that you're either really thick skinned or you're a kindred spirit. I do not cope with something which I can't help. Like I said, the Michelle ship has sailed a long time ago and there's nothing I can do to bring it back, nor would I really want to. I do not pretend that I can just forget her. How the hell do you forget someone who's fucked you up so many times? I just try to live day to day and keep it all out of sight and out of mind except for masturbatory purposes. End of the day, she is her own person. Her world view is basically: it's her world and we're all just living in it, and if you don't like that, you can very well just fuck off from it.
So you want to know how to cope? You don't. You just try to live your life on the run from that which is the Michelle quantum and hopefully one day you get tired of running and realize how far behind you left her. For fuck's sake, we're only running away from what if's and could have's. God knows the actual person herself couldn't give a damn if you ran off the edge of the world. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can stop running from her and start running to something better. Sorry for the running euphemisms and analogies. Am on a current running(the actual physical one where you put on a pair of running shoes) kick.
Hah... Im fucking commiserating with one of Michelle's partners. I never thought I did see the day.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Neurotic Vitriolic
Miss Watts, I have no idea about what song you're referring to but would be very interested to listen to a song that successfully incorporates the words "guile" into it. Furthermore, I have no idea why you're trying to contact me. I know who you are and I want nothing to do with you. Do not try to commiserate with me about Michelle. That ship has sailed a long time ago and it shan't be returning to port anytime. Honestly the only time I think about her is during the brief interludes of sleep and dreams over which I have no control over the content being shown by my subconscious mind. And when I masturbate, because she gave extremely good head. She has made clear her position to me that we shall never ever be anything, platonic or otherwise, again and that is the final chapter of our little novella. The last time I spoke to her? After her house got burgled. I sent an email with my condolences and support, as any civil person would. Of course seeing as she hates my guts because im too fucking emotional, I never got a reply, but then again I wasn't expecting one anyway. So why send it? Because im fucking neurotic.
Yes, she can be and is sometimes a bitch. She can't keep a relationship because she doesn't know what she wants and if the supposed "love of her life" turns into something that she will not/could not deal with in her own skewered view of the universe, she breaks it off like a a gardener would a flower that has suddenly stopped blooming. 7 relationships in 7 years should have really clued you in on that but I suppose, like you said, this "love" blinds us all and is just so fucking boundless.
Thank you for your concern about my supposed rut but I can assure you that it is absolutely none of your business whether I'm in a relationship or if I some neurotic emotional fuck who smokes too much for his own good but is secretly trying to kill himself from lung cancer. Or whether im happy or sad or in an emotional rut. Or how many times i masturbate a day thinking about your ex sucking my dick. What's it to you anyway? Do not pretend to be nice to an enemy of your enemy and play on the fact that we are somehow connected by the fact that we both got fucked over by the same person. I'm not your friend and I don't need more friends. And in regards to your healer cum tarot card reader, you don't really need to see a peddler of hocus pocus nonsensical bullshit to know what Michelle's character is like.
Good day to you.
Yes, she can be and is sometimes a bitch. She can't keep a relationship because she doesn't know what she wants and if the supposed "love of her life" turns into something that she will not/could not deal with in her own skewered view of the universe, she breaks it off like a a gardener would a flower that has suddenly stopped blooming. 7 relationships in 7 years should have really clued you in on that but I suppose, like you said, this "love" blinds us all and is just so fucking boundless.
Thank you for your concern about my supposed rut but I can assure you that it is absolutely none of your business whether I'm in a relationship or if I some neurotic emotional fuck who smokes too much for his own good but is secretly trying to kill himself from lung cancer. Or whether im happy or sad or in an emotional rut. Or how many times i masturbate a day thinking about your ex sucking my dick. What's it to you anyway? Do not pretend to be nice to an enemy of your enemy and play on the fact that we are somehow connected by the fact that we both got fucked over by the same person. I'm not your friend and I don't need more friends. And in regards to your healer cum tarot card reader, you don't really need to see a peddler of hocus pocus nonsensical bullshit to know what Michelle's character is like.
Good day to you.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Dr Professor Ricardo Julio Vargas
Being indifferent is hard. Especially since it's not within your character to do so. And I'm quite a character. I wear my heart on my sleeves like it was going out of fashion. That's who I am and no amount of Tony Robbins-esque talk will ever change that. Unless i go through ANOTHER traumatic life changing experience. Even then it would be like "ok, I've been here before, I've dealt with it. Have a cigarette or 20 and you'll be fine." I hope it would be like that anyway.
So yeah, day 12 of an indifferent life. Indifferent towards the opposite sex or more specifically the pursuit of them into having a meaningful relationship. Mixed feelings mostly. On the one hand I feel completely at ease not having to chase after someone, not having to exert any effort in trying to get a certain someone to have feelings for me which they didn't have before. Now I only have to worry about myself and that's a real easy matter to take care of. Simple guy, simple worries(unless it involves the opposite sex and driving) . The current crop of crisis' have stopped for the time being and life is as content as it can get. I mean sure, I wouldn't mind a ps3 or an uber pc which would allow me to play games which I can conquer the world and take my real life frustrations out on my AI controlled denizens by ruling them with an oppressive iron fist that is the Empire of Julmeria. All Hail Emperor Me! Er... yes.. off tangent discourse there. I mean yeah, I would like all those things, but I'm still pretty alright without them
Now, we come to the other grubby little needy hand. I loathe the feeling of being alone. I absolutely hate the feeling that I can't put my hands around someone and hug them close to me just because I want that warmth. I hate it that there isn't someone stroking my hair and telling me everything is all right while I rest on their warm bosom. I just want to hold someone's hand and talk about everything and nothing and still have a great time just being with each other. I just like the feeling of being wanted by someone who I can also make out with and if im really fucking lucky, have the sex with. No, I can't afford the "girlfriend treatment" from prostitutes either. Neither would i want to of course. The fact that I know im paying for that is already a major turn off. I want the above and beyond friendship companionship from a girl, if that could be conceived in our over analytical minds. And not actively looking for that is akin to wanting to eat bread but not going to get it because you don't want to drive and get that particular brand of bread because you know there are better brands out there and/or they're currently sold out of it and you can wait for a while till they get new stock but you're really hungry for bread right now. Yeah, that didn't make sense to me either but im just too lazy to backspace/highlight and then backspace it. And I just made a peanut butter sandwich.
So yeah, I'm doing fine. For now.
This is an sms conversation my dad and me had recently
Me: What time are you going to see Hermes tomorrow?
Dad: 9am. I hope we can take him back tomorrow
Me: I hope so too. He looks so sad in that cage
Dad: I know. That's why I want to bring him back.
Me: Guess we have to see what the doctor says tomorrow. Hopefully we can bring him back.
Dad: Insyah Allah. Opps.
Me: Hahaha. Nice one
For those who don't get it, Re Allah argument in Malaysia. Opps myself. For the MCMC and the ISA my name is Professor Dr Ricardo Julio Vargas and my dad's name is Ernesto Serna Vargas y Guevarra. We are both Argentinians living in Malaysia.
And yeah. Hermes was sick last week. Vomiting blood. He's better now that lovable furball.
Dad: If you want to have sex get a whore. If you want companionship get a dog.
Im inclined to agree with him on that.
So yeah, day 12 of an indifferent life. Indifferent towards the opposite sex or more specifically the pursuit of them into having a meaningful relationship. Mixed feelings mostly. On the one hand I feel completely at ease not having to chase after someone, not having to exert any effort in trying to get a certain someone to have feelings for me which they didn't have before. Now I only have to worry about myself and that's a real easy matter to take care of. Simple guy, simple worries(unless it involves the opposite sex and driving) . The current crop of crisis' have stopped for the time being and life is as content as it can get. I mean sure, I wouldn't mind a ps3 or an uber pc which would allow me to play games which I can conquer the world and take my real life frustrations out on my AI controlled denizens by ruling them with an oppressive iron fist that is the Empire of Julmeria. All Hail Emperor Me! Er... yes.. off tangent discourse there. I mean yeah, I would like all those things, but I'm still pretty alright without them
Now, we come to the other grubby little needy hand. I loathe the feeling of being alone. I absolutely hate the feeling that I can't put my hands around someone and hug them close to me just because I want that warmth. I hate it that there isn't someone stroking my hair and telling me everything is all right while I rest on their warm bosom. I just want to hold someone's hand and talk about everything and nothing and still have a great time just being with each other. I just like the feeling of being wanted by someone who I can also make out with and if im really fucking lucky, have the sex with. No, I can't afford the "girlfriend treatment" from prostitutes either. Neither would i want to of course. The fact that I know im paying for that is already a major turn off. I want the above and beyond friendship companionship from a girl, if that could be conceived in our over analytical minds. And not actively looking for that is akin to wanting to eat bread but not going to get it because you don't want to drive and get that particular brand of bread because you know there are better brands out there and/or they're currently sold out of it and you can wait for a while till they get new stock but you're really hungry for bread right now. Yeah, that didn't make sense to me either but im just too lazy to backspace/highlight and then backspace it. And I just made a peanut butter sandwich.
So yeah, I'm doing fine. For now.
This is an sms conversation my dad and me had recently
Me: What time are you going to see Hermes tomorrow?
Dad: 9am. I hope we can take him back tomorrow
Me: I hope so too. He looks so sad in that cage
Dad: I know. That's why I want to bring him back.
Me: Guess we have to see what the doctor says tomorrow. Hopefully we can bring him back.
Dad: Insyah Allah. Opps.
Me: Hahaha. Nice one
For those who don't get it, Re Allah argument in Malaysia. Opps myself. For the MCMC and the ISA my name is Professor Dr Ricardo Julio Vargas and my dad's name is Ernesto Serna Vargas y Guevarra. We are both Argentinians living in Malaysia.
And yeah. Hermes was sick last week. Vomiting blood. He's better now that lovable furball.
Dad: If you want to have sex get a whore. If you want companionship get a dog.
Im inclined to agree with him on that.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Park induced thoughts
there's a park on top of a hill in TTDI. It was first brought to my knowledge by Joyce. Her emo spot as she callled it. A place to think. I have co-opted this spot and it has now become my emo spot. Here are the results of my reflections and so called revelations
I don't actually love anyone. When I mean love I don't familial love. That's a given. I don't mean friendship and brotherhood either. No, I'm talking about a "love" between your significant other. My current pursuit of the Ivory Tower Dweller has come to naught. I mean, the fact that to even get you out of your house requires so much work and cooperation from outside parties speaks volumes about your character. I know everything there is about you, but you're still a stranger to me. It dawned upon me, upon a cloud of smoke luminescent in the street light that I don't love you, but I love the idea of you. I love, nay want, the love, companionship and all that good stuff that reputedly comes from a relationship. Quite simply, I'm sick and tired of being alone. But then why the need to want you? To keep hoping against hope that you'll one day magically realize that I was always there waiting for you? Upon honest reflection, Im keeping the hope because there is simply no other pursuit, and I dread to be hopeless. You are basically the Alpha and Omega of my non love life. And I feel that that's unfair. Unfair that I should limit myself to you and unfair to you because you don't know what is it that you want. Or more precisely, you're afraid to want. Can't say that I blame you. Lots of baggage. But it's a bit hypocritical to always claim to wait for your White Knight while a real one waits for you to descend your Ivory Tower. The fact is, I'm the best you got but don't want. And I guess it's time to do a chinaman and cut my losses and move on, hard as it may be. It feels like being cast in the sea with nothing but driftwood to cling on to. And it's slowly disintegrating.
I had another paragraph before this regarding the church burnings, but when i read it back it sounded pretty much like reactive and angry rhetoric that would make me no better than the crazies hurling petrol bombs at churches. I've not been known in recent times to be a big fan of God/Jesus/Allah/Buddha/Jehovah/Yahweh/Vahiguru/Krishna/Vishnu/Kali/Xemu/Bob the Annointed/ The Big Man. I suppose He gives everyone else a sense of hope and belief. He never did for me despite trying to be a good person. Big I believe in Him/Her/It nonetheless despite my misgivings. So what actually disturbs me about the burnings is the fact that it's actually happening. I mean, yes, the signs have been there. The rhetoric, the thinly veiled pseudo racists religious threats being made to the gallery. But for the much touted 1Malaysia multi racial mutli religious harmony peace love and brotherhood song and dance, it was something we could all get behind for once, despite it being just a song and dance. I guess it just caught me off guard, this sudden and violent realization of the harsh truth of the matter. We are all just racist pricks and the dream of a Malaysian Malaysia crashed and burned like the churches. We live in a country where the walls of "trying to live with each other harmoniously despite our differences" has been brought crumbling down and no matter what happens next, things will never be the same. The Malaysia I grew up in died on Friday. We can all hold hands now and sing Cumbayah(Yes, I've read the newspaper. Muslims and non Muslims alike are being united in condemnation), but the Malaysian psyche has been shattered. Fringe or not, it still happened. There are actually Malaysians who believe they are the master race and they will enforce the point with force and terror. Where and what does that leave the rest of us? Hope? Unity? It's hard to have hope and unity when churches are burning and cows heads are being kicked and spat upon. I used to think that, despite the misgivings( and by defining the fucked up shit that happens here as mere misgivings is already being generous) we at least had the freedom of religion. It seems even that thought now has to come under some revision.
There. I said my piece on both issues. Im pretty sure the latter can be more articulated and rational but hey, if I could have done that I would have been a writer. Oh...wait... I meant a GOOD writer. There are plenty of other good writers out there having their say on this issue, and probably sounding much better, but hey, its not like anyone reads this blog anyway.
I don't actually love anyone. When I mean love I don't familial love. That's a given. I don't mean friendship and brotherhood either. No, I'm talking about a "love" between your significant other. My current pursuit of the Ivory Tower Dweller has come to naught. I mean, the fact that to even get you out of your house requires so much work and cooperation from outside parties speaks volumes about your character. I know everything there is about you, but you're still a stranger to me. It dawned upon me, upon a cloud of smoke luminescent in the street light that I don't love you, but I love the idea of you. I love, nay want, the love, companionship and all that good stuff that reputedly comes from a relationship. Quite simply, I'm sick and tired of being alone. But then why the need to want you? To keep hoping against hope that you'll one day magically realize that I was always there waiting for you? Upon honest reflection, Im keeping the hope because there is simply no other pursuit, and I dread to be hopeless. You are basically the Alpha and Omega of my non love life. And I feel that that's unfair. Unfair that I should limit myself to you and unfair to you because you don't know what is it that you want. Or more precisely, you're afraid to want. Can't say that I blame you. Lots of baggage. But it's a bit hypocritical to always claim to wait for your White Knight while a real one waits for you to descend your Ivory Tower. The fact is, I'm the best you got but don't want. And I guess it's time to do a chinaman and cut my losses and move on, hard as it may be. It feels like being cast in the sea with nothing but driftwood to cling on to. And it's slowly disintegrating.
I had another paragraph before this regarding the church burnings, but when i read it back it sounded pretty much like reactive and angry rhetoric that would make me no better than the crazies hurling petrol bombs at churches. I've not been known in recent times to be a big fan of God/Jesus/Allah/Buddha/Jehovah/Yahweh/Vahiguru/Krishna/Vishnu/Kali/Xemu/Bob the Annointed/ The Big Man. I suppose He gives everyone else a sense of hope and belief. He never did for me despite trying to be a good person. Big I believe in Him/Her/It nonetheless despite my misgivings. So what actually disturbs me about the burnings is the fact that it's actually happening. I mean, yes, the signs have been there. The rhetoric, the thinly veiled pseudo racists religious threats being made to the gallery. But for the much touted 1Malaysia multi racial mutli religious harmony peace love and brotherhood song and dance, it was something we could all get behind for once, despite it being just a song and dance. I guess it just caught me off guard, this sudden and violent realization of the harsh truth of the matter. We are all just racist pricks and the dream of a Malaysian Malaysia crashed and burned like the churches. We live in a country where the walls of "trying to live with each other harmoniously despite our differences" has been brought crumbling down and no matter what happens next, things will never be the same. The Malaysia I grew up in died on Friday. We can all hold hands now and sing Cumbayah(Yes, I've read the newspaper. Muslims and non Muslims alike are being united in condemnation), but the Malaysian psyche has been shattered. Fringe or not, it still happened. There are actually Malaysians who believe they are the master race and they will enforce the point with force and terror. Where and what does that leave the rest of us? Hope? Unity? It's hard to have hope and unity when churches are burning and cows heads are being kicked and spat upon. I used to think that, despite the misgivings( and by defining the fucked up shit that happens here as mere misgivings is already being generous) we at least had the freedom of religion. It seems even that thought now has to come under some revision.
There. I said my piece on both issues. Im pretty sure the latter can be more articulated and rational but hey, if I could have done that I would have been a writer. Oh...wait... I meant a GOOD writer. There are plenty of other good writers out there having their say on this issue, and probably sounding much better, but hey, its not like anyone reads this blog anyway.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
my morning jacket
Lay low why don't ya now?
Lay back awhile and I'll show ya, I got the good that you want
no need to go and, hunt something else, it's right here with me, when you stay.
It's always good when I get to see that there's never more than what you're telling me when you
stay, home.
Lay low if the feel is right, (let the fetus rock) I got all that I want here in you tonight
and we'll pass out on the bedroom floor after goin' like this (full tilt) so long
when you stay.
Hold up, you showed me.
Oh what you told me, it's not what you want but what you need
it's not a head full of pills or amphetamines, when you stay.
It's always good when I get to see that there's never more than what you're telling me when you
stay, home
followed by 3 minutes of sheer guitar bliss.
yes, im feeling better.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
bad day
I don't usually blog about my daily life. Mostly because its boring even to my own skewered biased opinion. But when some close personal friends of the family use emotional blackmail.. its really puts one in a dilemma. Without going into specifics, they ask for a non possibility, which I have hinted so at certain points in time. But they refuse to take the hint and have pleaded for me to move heaven and earth. At the same time im guilt ridden to the fact that i am unable to deliver them from their current malaise and that they're really close friends of the family. The answer will most definitely be no, but its the implications and complications that have me turning gray. I hate to see adults cry. Especially when im part of the cause. This is besides the fact that there has been emotional blackmail as mentioned above, which really rubs me the wrong way.
My grandma, my one sole remaining grandparent, is in hospital. She was supposed to be discharged yesterday but has now dislocated her shoulder. The blame lies square on the fucking incompetent staff of Pantai Hospital. But they have denied this. Saying its an old injury. Bullshit, you dont get you fucking shoulder dislocated while lying on a hospital unless its by the fucking careless, useless, unqualified and unprofessional staff. They should not be allowed near patients and they should fucking resign for the safety of all the patients at the hospital. Don't try to tell me to calm down. You be there, beside your grandmother who's crying from the pain. Telling me things like she wishes she was dead and why it's so painful. You fucking be there and you fucking answer her, because i sure as hell cant you insensitive motherfuckers. At least even pretend to fucking care and take care of the old lady. Attend to her. Is it so fucking hard to administer some painkillers and find the fucking attending doctor? I don't give a fuck about the other patients. Is my grandmother not one as well? Is this the fucking service we get for paying your ridiculous fees? More so now since you fucking caused her latest injury thereby prolonging her stay. Pantai Hospital is fucking unbelievable and I have more than half a fucking mind to fucking sue. Bad enough you killed my grandfather when he was there you fucking assholes. Don't even get me started on the toll its taking on my auntie. You motherfuckers are one fucking piece of work. God help those who are coming to your fucking hospital with your incompetent staff. I did rather kill myself than get admitted to that charnel house that you call a hospital. Im not a religious man but I hope you get what's coming to you. That's how much i fucking hate you. You think the scene I caused that day was too much? You havent seen anything yet. Fuck you Pantai Hospital.
In addition to all of that, the overwhelming feeling of standing at the edge of an abyss of a bottomless well of lonliness is not helping my mental and emotional state to say the least. I try not to fall in, or to let the well overflow, but sometimes, especially like yesterday, it consumes me completely and it drowns me in a sea of melancholy. Sometimes I really do wonder if I will forever be alone...
Nothing the above is of my doing yet why is it that i feel on the verge of a mental breakdown Of loosing grip in a tempestuous sea? I feel like im a drowning man. My feet cant touch the floor and im flailing about as i inevitably go under the emotional tide.
God, I need some help, or at least the comfort of a warm bosom and a caring shoulder on which to rest my weary head on. Oh, thats right. God is a fucking asshole. Fucking Christian groups. Deliver your believer from their pains and ailments. Where the fuck was Jesus when my grandmother was crying in pain? Where the fuck werw all your miracles? How the fuck are we suppose to love you when we do everything that you ask of us but you abandon us in the time of our need? Fuck God and fuck religion. Fucking opiate of the delusional masses.
Please... just help me.. im just really hurting right now.
My grandma, my one sole remaining grandparent, is in hospital. She was supposed to be discharged yesterday but has now dislocated her shoulder. The blame lies square on the fucking incompetent staff of Pantai Hospital. But they have denied this. Saying its an old injury. Bullshit, you dont get you fucking shoulder dislocated while lying on a hospital unless its by the fucking careless, useless, unqualified and unprofessional staff. They should not be allowed near patients and they should fucking resign for the safety of all the patients at the hospital. Don't try to tell me to calm down. You be there, beside your grandmother who's crying from the pain. Telling me things like she wishes she was dead and why it's so painful. You fucking be there and you fucking answer her, because i sure as hell cant you insensitive motherfuckers. At least even pretend to fucking care and take care of the old lady. Attend to her. Is it so fucking hard to administer some painkillers and find the fucking attending doctor? I don't give a fuck about the other patients. Is my grandmother not one as well? Is this the fucking service we get for paying your ridiculous fees? More so now since you fucking caused her latest injury thereby prolonging her stay. Pantai Hospital is fucking unbelievable and I have more than half a fucking mind to fucking sue. Bad enough you killed my grandfather when he was there you fucking assholes. Don't even get me started on the toll its taking on my auntie. You motherfuckers are one fucking piece of work. God help those who are coming to your fucking hospital with your incompetent staff. I did rather kill myself than get admitted to that charnel house that you call a hospital. Im not a religious man but I hope you get what's coming to you. That's how much i fucking hate you. You think the scene I caused that day was too much? You havent seen anything yet. Fuck you Pantai Hospital.
In addition to all of that, the overwhelming feeling of standing at the edge of an abyss of a bottomless well of lonliness is not helping my mental and emotional state to say the least. I try not to fall in, or to let the well overflow, but sometimes, especially like yesterday, it consumes me completely and it drowns me in a sea of melancholy. Sometimes I really do wonder if I will forever be alone...
Nothing the above is of my doing yet why is it that i feel on the verge of a mental breakdown Of loosing grip in a tempestuous sea? I feel like im a drowning man. My feet cant touch the floor and im flailing about as i inevitably go under the emotional tide.
God, I need some help, or at least the comfort of a warm bosom and a caring shoulder on which to rest my weary head on. Oh, thats right. God is a fucking asshole. Fucking Christian groups. Deliver your believer from their pains and ailments. Where the fuck was Jesus when my grandmother was crying in pain? Where the fuck werw all your miracles? How the fuck are we suppose to love you when we do everything that you ask of us but you abandon us in the time of our need? Fuck God and fuck religion. Fucking opiate of the delusional masses.
Please... just help me.. im just really hurting right now.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Response
this is a response to http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/11/30/focus/5205852&sec=focus
To AR, I passed, Subang Jaya
Having read your letter, I'm somewhat amused that you think we actually live in a system that works. Could you please tell that to the batch of students who aren't allowed to go to university due to a quota system EVEN THOUGH they've worked hard at their grades. Similarly, to say that Professional Exams in this country run on a fair system is a somewhat myopic view. It's all well and good to stand on the other side having passed the examination and judge those who you have seemed fit to deem lazy, or that they did not care about their studies or some other condescending remark that you care to pass. This is not taking away anything from your kind self. I'm sure you worked hard to achieve your passing grade and kudos. But don't you dare sit there and say that everyone else was just too stupid and lazy to pass their exams. Even you've said it, 9% passing rate is disgraceful. But to place the blame solely on the 91% of those who failed is irrational. I take great offense to your condescending tone. Just because you were one of the lucky few to escape the quota does not give you the right to be holier than the rest of us. Yes, I agree Professional Exams need to be tough to maintain standards, but a 9% passing rate is just ridiculous. The whys and wherefores of this I shall not delve into, but suffice to say, it is not a fair system. You need to get off your pedestal and realize this and stop criticizing those who have to go through the misfortune of repeating a professional exam through no fault of their own, other than being a victim of the system.
To AR, I passed, Subang Jaya
Having read your letter, I'm somewhat amused that you think we actually live in a system that works. Could you please tell that to the batch of students who aren't allowed to go to university due to a quota system EVEN THOUGH they've worked hard at their grades. Similarly, to say that Professional Exams in this country run on a fair system is a somewhat myopic view. It's all well and good to stand on the other side having passed the examination and judge those who you have seemed fit to deem lazy, or that they did not care about their studies or some other condescending remark that you care to pass. This is not taking away anything from your kind self. I'm sure you worked hard to achieve your passing grade and kudos. But don't you dare sit there and say that everyone else was just too stupid and lazy to pass their exams. Even you've said it, 9% passing rate is disgraceful. But to place the blame solely on the 91% of those who failed is irrational. I take great offense to your condescending tone. Just because you were one of the lucky few to escape the quota does not give you the right to be holier than the rest of us. Yes, I agree Professional Exams need to be tough to maintain standards, but a 9% passing rate is just ridiculous. The whys and wherefores of this I shall not delve into, but suffice to say, it is not a fair system. You need to get off your pedestal and realize this and stop criticizing those who have to go through the misfortune of repeating a professional exam through no fault of their own, other than being a victim of the system.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Memorable quotes 2
Me( Valentines Day 2005): Hey, wanna buy something for your Valentine?
Random Girl: Erm, I don't have a boyfriend.
Me: I can be your boyfriend
Random Girl: *laughs
Me: Everything on this table is for sale. EVERYTHING
Me: Yes, this bus goes through Ashton Road
Old white guy: Oh. Thank you. You speak very good english
Me: Thanks. So do you.
Old white guy: *Puzzled expression
Interviewer: Oh, your english name is also your chinese name! How clever!
Me: Thanks. My parent's thought so too.
Me: I'll have a.. um...um...er...ah...er..um..um...ah...erm...
Hooters Waitress: My face is up here sweetie
Me: I'll have a bud light!
Drunk white girl: So where are you staying? Do you have a place of your own?
Me: Oh, No I don't have a place of my own. I'm a tourist.
Drunk white girl: Oh cool! I'm a Pieces.
Me: *sniggers
Random girl: Hey Ju-lian. Are you on drugs
Me:... Do you want the politically correct answer or should I just say yes?
Random girl: *Puzzled expression
Random Internet Chat girl: You are understand?
Me: Nope. I'm Ju-Lian
Random Internet Chat girl has left chat
Jeremy: You don't have a hand towel in the toilet?
Me: No
Jeremy: That doesn't make sense. How do you dry your hands?
Me: I guess i just jazz hands it
Random Internet Chat Girl 2(RICG2): Hi there!
Me: Hello
RICG2: a/s/l/r?
Me: 17/m/kl/c. You?
RICG2: 17/f/seremban/c
Me: so what are you doing on so late?
RICG2: bored. looking for internet sex
RICG2: im wearing nothing but a yellow thong.
Me: You're a guy right?
RICG2 has left chat.
Me: Man, I miss having a girlfriend
Lesbian Roommate: Yeah, me too.
Me: *puzzled expression (Inner Voice) Aw come on! Seriously? Even here?
Me: Arvind! Heal me!
Arvind: I can't! Im out of mana!
Me: Your fucking mana's like your wallet! Always fucking empty!
Michelle: I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you
Me: Well it's a little too late for that now isn't it?
Acquaintance: Gi Gyn said you have stalker eyes
Me: The latest product from ZsaZsa's eye make up line
Acquaintance 2: Wow Ju-lian. your eyes are bloodshot. Didn't get enough sleep?
Me: Yes Captain Obvious
Acquaintance 2: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today
Me: Im a morning person. Can't you tell?
Kevin: Man, what if we could get smart by fucking nerds? *humps imaginary nerd
Me: I'll bet they're saying "Oh Kev! You're harder than Intellectual Property!"
Shah: *uncontrollable laughter
Random guy at school: Hey Ju-Lian I've been hearing the guys talk about you. Can I just ask..are you really Jewish?
Me: DO I FUCKING LOOK JEWISH TO YOU??
Grandma: So how does Ju's girlfriend look like?
Aunt: Well, she's kinda chubby.
Grandma: Well, it's not like Ju's thin. Fat people need love too you know?
Order Date: 26/11/09 Order time: 21:19
Phone No: XXXX XXXX Customer Name: Teh Juan
Random Girl: Erm, I don't have a boyfriend.
Me: I can be your boyfriend
Random Girl: *laughs
Me: Everything on this table is for sale. EVERYTHING
Me: Yes, this bus goes through Ashton Road
Old white guy: Oh. Thank you. You speak very good english
Me: Thanks. So do you.
Old white guy: *Puzzled expression
Interviewer: Oh, your english name is also your chinese name! How clever!
Me: Thanks. My parent's thought so too.
Me: I'll have a.. um...um...er...ah...er..um..um...ah...erm...
Hooters Waitress: My face is up here sweetie
Me: I'll have a bud light!
Drunk white girl: So where are you staying? Do you have a place of your own?
Me: Oh, No I don't have a place of my own. I'm a tourist.
Drunk white girl: Oh cool! I'm a Pieces.
Me: *sniggers
Random girl: Hey Ju-lian. Are you on drugs
Me:... Do you want the politically correct answer or should I just say yes?
Random girl: *Puzzled expression
Random Internet Chat girl: You are understand?
Me: Nope. I'm Ju-Lian
Random Internet Chat girl has left chat
Jeremy: You don't have a hand towel in the toilet?
Me: No
Jeremy: That doesn't make sense. How do you dry your hands?
Me: I guess i just jazz hands it
Random Internet Chat Girl 2(RICG2): Hi there!
Me: Hello
RICG2: a/s/l/r?
Me: 17/m/kl/c. You?
RICG2: 17/f/seremban/c
Me: so what are you doing on so late?
RICG2: bored. looking for internet sex
RICG2: im wearing nothing but a yellow thong.
Me: You're a guy right?
RICG2 has left chat.
Me: Man, I miss having a girlfriend
Lesbian Roommate: Yeah, me too.
Me: *puzzled expression (Inner Voice) Aw come on! Seriously? Even here?
Me: Arvind! Heal me!
Arvind: I can't! Im out of mana!
Me: Your fucking mana's like your wallet! Always fucking empty!
Michelle: I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you
Me: Well it's a little too late for that now isn't it?
Acquaintance: Gi Gyn said you have stalker eyes
Me: The latest product from ZsaZsa's eye make up line
Acquaintance 2: Wow Ju-lian. your eyes are bloodshot. Didn't get enough sleep?
Me: Yes Captain Obvious
Acquaintance 2: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today
Me: Im a morning person. Can't you tell?
Kevin: Man, what if we could get smart by fucking nerds? *humps imaginary nerd
Me: I'll bet they're saying "Oh Kev! You're harder than Intellectual Property!"
Shah: *uncontrollable laughter
Random guy at school: Hey Ju-Lian I've been hearing the guys talk about you. Can I just ask..are you really Jewish?
Me: DO I FUCKING LOOK JEWISH TO YOU??
Grandma: So how does Ju's girlfriend look like?
Aunt: Well, she's kinda chubby.
Grandma: Well, it's not like Ju's thin. Fat people need love too you know?
Order Date: 26/11/09 Order time: 21:19
Phone No: XXXX XXXX Customer Name: Teh Juan
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Memorable quotes 1
Me:(circa 1994-1995): Mom, why didn't dad stay at home tonight?
Mom: Ju, he's not going to be staying here anymore.
Me (2002): Good Morning Ms Nathan.
Ms Nathan: Good Morning Ju-Lian. We're done with class yes?
Me: ...Yes
Ms Nathan: Alright, I'll see you next week. Have a good weekend
Me: You too Ms Nathan
Mohd. Faliq: Ju-lian, where's Ms Nathan? *peers out classroom window. Is she coming?
Me: She thought that class was over. I didn't feel the need to inform her otherwise.
Me(2001): I love you
Michelle: I love you too
Me (2001): Do you love me?
Michelle: I don't know
Me: ... What do you mean?
Michelle: There's someone else...
Me(2003) : Hey Yoke Leng, you managed to get the reload card right?
Yoke Leng: Yes. Thank you.
Me: Cool
Yoke Leng: Hey.. You know I have a boyfriend right?
Me: No.. But thanks for telling me.
Me(out of earshot): Fuck...
Me (2003 post first kiss): I love you
Michelle: I love you too.
Me: ..Was it supposed to be that wet?
Me (2003): I wish this could last forever
Michelle: Hmmm?
Me: Lying in bed with you in my arms
Michelle: Mmm
Michelle: Shut up and kiss me already
Me: Yes maam
Michelle(2004): I don't love you anymore. I still have feelings for them
Me: What do you mean?
Michelle: I'm still a lesbian.
Michelle: Can I come over and collect my stuff from your place?
Me: Take your shit and get the hell out of my life
Me(2005): Are you alright?
Gi Gyn: Yeah. Thanks for catching me
Me: It's alright
Gi Gyn: Did I step on your feet?
Me: Yeah
Gi Gyn: Ohmigod, I'm so sorry
Me: Don't worry about it
Me: I'm bored. You?
Gi Gyn: Very
Me: Want to have lunch later? Just you and me?
Gi Gyn: I would love to
Me: I'm thinking chicken rice
Gi Gyn: Me too
Me: Great minds think alike. Or should that be hungry stomach?
Me: Hey.
Gi Gyn: Hi
Me: How was the weekend?
Gi Gyn: Boring
Me: I can relate
Surin: Whoo.. Gi gyn and Ju-lian going out!
Gi Gyn: We're not going out.
Me: Are you pissed at me or something?
Gi Gyn: No
Me: Then why aren't you talking to me and ignoring me and shit?
Gi Gyn: You just need to relax alright?
Me: Sure...
Tupps: Give it up man. She's just a bitch
Me: I seem to be attracting that sort a lot lately.
Me(2006): Dad, I passed second year. All the subjects
Dad: That's good to hear son. Im proud of you.
Me (2006. Bristol): Hi. Wanna dance?
I dont remember your name: Sure!
Me(later): You dance really well.
Nameless: Thanks!
Me: Where are you from?
Nameless: Subang
Me: Cool. You want to get a drink? On me
Nameless: Sure!
Me(even later): So...um... do you have a boyfriend here in Bristol?
Nameless: Nope. Single.
Some guy: Hey baby! *hugs her from behind
Nameless: Hey
Me(end of the evening): So who was that guy?
Nameless:..It's complicated
Me: Uh huh...
Me( circa 22nd birthday; inebriated): Did you know Amzonian warriors cut of their left tit so that it wouldnt interfere with their bow string when they drew their bows?
Adam: I think you've had enough to drink Ju
Me: Quite possibly...
Drunk white girl: You're all Malaysian??
Me: Yeah
Drunkie: But you look like you're from China, and you look like you're from India
Me: Yeah, we're a multi racial country
Drunkie: Oh wow! Can you speak some Malaysian for me?
Me(to Shah and Kevin): Apa 'sal perempuan mabuk ni?
Me(now) : I need to get laid
Me: Does she speak english?
Owner of reputable establishment: No, she can speak Lao
Me: Right. And that's supposed to help me how?
Me: I think I can do radio
Tupps: Yeah? Do an improv announcement now
Me: And thats all for sports. In other news Lady Gaga may in fact be a man. So, are we supposed to address her as Sir Gaga now?
Hot neighbor: Oh what a cutie!
Me: Thanks! The dog's cute too right?
Hot neighbor: *awkward and slightly frightened laugh
Me: You guys think im just a sexual deviant is it?
Dre and Arvind: Er....
Me: You guys know me so well
Me: So, you got a boyfriend?
Hilda: Nope
Me(Inner voice): Alright...
Hilda: I have a fiancee
Me(Inner voice): Fuck...
Me: So i just did this compatibility test thing and it say me and yoke leng are 50% compatible
Arvind: Eh, so that means you can... and cannot lar
Me: .....ok Genius
Mom: Ju, he's not going to be staying here anymore.
Me (2002): Good Morning Ms Nathan.
Ms Nathan: Good Morning Ju-Lian. We're done with class yes?
Me: ...Yes
Ms Nathan: Alright, I'll see you next week. Have a good weekend
Me: You too Ms Nathan
Mohd. Faliq: Ju-lian, where's Ms Nathan? *peers out classroom window. Is she coming?
Me: She thought that class was over. I didn't feel the need to inform her otherwise.
Me(2001): I love you
Michelle: I love you too
Me (2001): Do you love me?
Michelle: I don't know
Me: ... What do you mean?
Michelle: There's someone else...
Me(2003) : Hey Yoke Leng, you managed to get the reload card right?
Yoke Leng: Yes. Thank you.
Me: Cool
Yoke Leng: Hey.. You know I have a boyfriend right?
Me: No.. But thanks for telling me.
Me(out of earshot): Fuck...
Me (2003 post first kiss): I love you
Michelle: I love you too.
Me: ..Was it supposed to be that wet?
Me (2003): I wish this could last forever
Michelle: Hmmm?
Me: Lying in bed with you in my arms
Michelle: Mmm
Michelle: Shut up and kiss me already
Me: Yes maam
Michelle(2004): I don't love you anymore. I still have feelings for them
Me: What do you mean?
Michelle: I'm still a lesbian.
Michelle: Can I come over and collect my stuff from your place?
Me: Take your shit and get the hell out of my life
Me(2005): Are you alright?
Gi Gyn: Yeah. Thanks for catching me
Me: It's alright
Gi Gyn: Did I step on your feet?
Me: Yeah
Gi Gyn: Ohmigod, I'm so sorry
Me: Don't worry about it
Me: I'm bored. You?
Gi Gyn: Very
Me: Want to have lunch later? Just you and me?
Gi Gyn: I would love to
Me: I'm thinking chicken rice
Gi Gyn: Me too
Me: Great minds think alike. Or should that be hungry stomach?
Me: Hey.
Gi Gyn: Hi
Me: How was the weekend?
Gi Gyn: Boring
Me: I can relate
Surin: Whoo.. Gi gyn and Ju-lian going out!
Gi Gyn: We're not going out.
Me: Are you pissed at me or something?
Gi Gyn: No
Me: Then why aren't you talking to me and ignoring me and shit?
Gi Gyn: You just need to relax alright?
Me: Sure...
Tupps: Give it up man. She's just a bitch
Me: I seem to be attracting that sort a lot lately.
Me(2006): Dad, I passed second year. All the subjects
Dad: That's good to hear son. Im proud of you.
Me (2006. Bristol): Hi. Wanna dance?
I dont remember your name: Sure!
Me(later): You dance really well.
Nameless: Thanks!
Me: Where are you from?
Nameless: Subang
Me: Cool. You want to get a drink? On me
Nameless: Sure!
Me(even later): So...um... do you have a boyfriend here in Bristol?
Nameless: Nope. Single.
Some guy: Hey baby! *hugs her from behind
Nameless: Hey
Me(end of the evening): So who was that guy?
Nameless:..It's complicated
Me: Uh huh...
Me( circa 22nd birthday; inebriated): Did you know Amzonian warriors cut of their left tit so that it wouldnt interfere with their bow string when they drew their bows?
Adam: I think you've had enough to drink Ju
Me: Quite possibly...
Drunk white girl: You're all Malaysian??
Me: Yeah
Drunkie: But you look like you're from China, and you look like you're from India
Me: Yeah, we're a multi racial country
Drunkie: Oh wow! Can you speak some Malaysian for me?
Me(to Shah and Kevin): Apa 'sal perempuan mabuk ni?
Me(now) : I need to get laid
Me: Does she speak english?
Owner of reputable establishment: No, she can speak Lao
Me: Right. And that's supposed to help me how?
Me: I think I can do radio
Tupps: Yeah? Do an improv announcement now
Me: And thats all for sports. In other news Lady Gaga may in fact be a man. So, are we supposed to address her as Sir Gaga now?
Hot neighbor: Oh what a cutie!
Me: Thanks! The dog's cute too right?
Hot neighbor: *awkward and slightly frightened laugh
Me: You guys think im just a sexual deviant is it?
Dre and Arvind: Er....
Me: You guys know me so well
Me: So, you got a boyfriend?
Hilda: Nope
Me(Inner voice): Alright...
Hilda: I have a fiancee
Me(Inner voice): Fuck...
Me: So i just did this compatibility test thing and it say me and yoke leng are 50% compatible
Arvind: Eh, so that means you can... and cannot lar
Me: .....ok Genius
Monday, November 16, 2009
Review for year ending 2009
December 08: Looking for job. Wanting independence and a chance to prove that the world is my oyster. Towards Christmas it seems like an exercise in futility. Melancholic at New Years Eve.
January: Still looking for a job. Turned down offers on dad's insistence and my own. At logger heads with the old man regarding career paths. A 23 year old law graduate who failed his bar exam, jobless and still depending on parental allowance.
February: Yoke Leng. Painful realization its not going to happen despite best intentions. Michelle, rekindled. Kissed. Start to a descent. Got a job at Project Malaysia. Research Assistant. Working with Malik Imtiaz and Michelle Gunaselan. Excited. Paternal Grandfather died. Tears.
March: Progress. Work and semi love life with Michelle. First pay check. Gave dad Rm300. First published article. Slumdog Millionaire. Fight with Michelle. Worst to come
April: Michelle is gone. For good. Not dead, don't misunderstand. Just emotionally. Works starts to get frustrating. Lots of false pontificates. Wrote second article. Unpublished.
May: Work continues to stall. Growing frustration. Wrote 3rd article. Not published. E-mails and calls. No reply. Feel an ever widening emotional gulf
June: Fuck work. Michael Jackson died. Felt a little bit sad. Hypocritical me and the world. Start to drink again. Not due to Michael Jackson's death. Wrote 4 and 5th article. Unpublished
July: Too boring to remember. Hate work for lack of work. Worrying about future employment. Smoking more than usual.
August: Independence day. Forgettable as usual. Contract extension to the end of the year. Will still be able to pay bills. Nice new LCD tv. Rediscovered martial arts.
September: 24th anniversary of my birth. Injured back. Drinking regularly. Attending martial arts class. Nice hobby from humdrum. Promise self to lose weight and quit drinking and smoking
October: Phuket trip. Best time of my life so far. See work as nothing but a passionless paycheck. Wrote 6th article. Still unpublished.
November: Wrote 7th article. Unpublished. Maternal Grandfather dies.
Today: 3 hours before final funeral rites and the burial proper. Two days of Taoist rituals. I can't shed tears but am still sad nonetheless. I think I only ever said 10 words to the man. I didnt speak Hakka. He didnt speak English. I lost both grandfather's in the space of 9 months. I am still single with no Michelle sans the drama like replacement in sight. Drinking more frequently than usual. Smoking more. Gained more weight instead of losing. Fear I am going down a self destructive road of no return. Hope everything turns out for the better next month and next year. Am highly doubtful.
It's been some year.
This is why I don't blog regularly.
January: Still looking for a job. Turned down offers on dad's insistence and my own. At logger heads with the old man regarding career paths. A 23 year old law graduate who failed his bar exam, jobless and still depending on parental allowance.
February: Yoke Leng. Painful realization its not going to happen despite best intentions. Michelle, rekindled. Kissed. Start to a descent. Got a job at Project Malaysia. Research Assistant. Working with Malik Imtiaz and Michelle Gunaselan. Excited. Paternal Grandfather died. Tears.
March: Progress. Work and semi love life with Michelle. First pay check. Gave dad Rm300. First published article. Slumdog Millionaire. Fight with Michelle. Worst to come
April: Michelle is gone. For good. Not dead, don't misunderstand. Just emotionally. Works starts to get frustrating. Lots of false pontificates. Wrote second article. Unpublished.
May: Work continues to stall. Growing frustration. Wrote 3rd article. Not published. E-mails and calls. No reply. Feel an ever widening emotional gulf
June: Fuck work. Michael Jackson died. Felt a little bit sad. Hypocritical me and the world. Start to drink again. Not due to Michael Jackson's death. Wrote 4 and 5th article. Unpublished
July: Too boring to remember. Hate work for lack of work. Worrying about future employment. Smoking more than usual.
August: Independence day. Forgettable as usual. Contract extension to the end of the year. Will still be able to pay bills. Nice new LCD tv. Rediscovered martial arts.
September: 24th anniversary of my birth. Injured back. Drinking regularly. Attending martial arts class. Nice hobby from humdrum. Promise self to lose weight and quit drinking and smoking
October: Phuket trip. Best time of my life so far. See work as nothing but a passionless paycheck. Wrote 6th article. Still unpublished.
November: Wrote 7th article. Unpublished. Maternal Grandfather dies.
Today: 3 hours before final funeral rites and the burial proper. Two days of Taoist rituals. I can't shed tears but am still sad nonetheless. I think I only ever said 10 words to the man. I didnt speak Hakka. He didnt speak English. I lost both grandfather's in the space of 9 months. I am still single with no Michelle sans the drama like replacement in sight. Drinking more frequently than usual. Smoking more. Gained more weight instead of losing. Fear I am going down a self destructive road of no return. Hope everything turns out for the better next month and next year. Am highly doubtful.
It's been some year.
This is why I don't blog regularly.
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