so me and joyce were having this discussion the other day . why is it that a lot of nice, beautiful(remember the difference between a pretty girl and a beautiful lady kiddies) women out there always wind up with the wrong guy? there are a lot of cases in point but for the sake of protecting myself from defamation(because remember, these are assumptions and i dont know what is the REAL story even though its pretty fucking obvious that the dude's mistreating you) i shall not mention any personal cases of which i have heard of and seen first hand. so back to the eternal question... why? is it not human nature that if something hurts us its bad? something that causes pain should be avoided? we should be able to say, 'right, i had enough of this crap, you dont own me, i can do what i want without you controlling me, so fuck off'' right? oh, thats right, its human nature as well not to listen to logic and reason. especially with affairs of the heart. prove me wrong on this point please. its refreshing to hear about something positive about it for once. we think we understand love but at the end of the day its just a veil behind lots and lots of hurt. Love is a makeup covering the ugliness of the truth of hurt. Its basically a fucking excuse isint it? Someone can treat you like shit, worse case scenario, would make you want to kill yourself when you have to realize that you have so much more to life for other than this pathetic excuse of a human being. To your mom's uterus, i say, bad uterus. dont do that again. Unless you're my sibling... good uterus. Its hard to see it happening before your very eyes, knowing that you cant intervene in one's business that isint yours. Could be a sister, a cousin or even the girl you liked who's going out with some shortened name for Richard(in case u didnt get the joke, it was DICK). But what can you do? Love is guided by the heart and not the upper head. We've all been there at some point or another. And when the storm has weathered its easy to sit here and type that, oh, i was such a dumbass. How could i ever love him/her? S/He hurt me so bad. Im glad im not with him/her anymore. Fuck em. See.. real simple. What you dont see is that i still miss her. Yeah, if i can discorporate my logic from my feelings i did just tell myself there's lots of other fish in the sea and thats one chapter of my life im closing. But if i did discorporate then i did just be a fucking robot. Thats what makes us special isint it? The ability to feel. But be warned.. it just defies logic the ammount that we're willing to feel and conceal. And we're willing to conceal a lot so that we can live in ignorant bliss. This whole idea about forgiving and starting anew. For fucks sake my sister/brother, even the Pope can forgive that much before he'll condemn your soul to hell capise? I had to learn that the hard way. I pray that you wont but you would most probably have. I know, i sound capricious and confused about where i stand on this issue. Its because i really am confused. I still have a ribcage and a femur or two lying around in my closet. Look, as Mr Bush once said, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on you, i mean me. I can only hope that the illusion of love becomes real one day and not something the Halmark company makes money off every anniversary or Februry the 14th. Pick yourself up, free yourself from the chains perceived bliss and open your eyes from the darkness that is denial and realize who you are and what you really want. Then again, when this mantra works i'll be thr first to let you know. its funny, im not even a capricon. im a virgo btw, if you're interested in knowing.
yeah... thats the rant. and in regards to the title, its love hurts.
yay session: yay for vending machines which never close after 10pm, scrubs, the cranberries, Kevin Smith, ryan reynolds, egg and bacon sandwhichs, walker chips, the undertaker who won the royal rumble, life, inspiration for new tattoo.
thank you. rants you later
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
i'll think about a title later
I have to be honest with you, I have been unable to properly articulate the empty ocean of thoughts that seem to be neither here nor there. Yes, despite what i said about randomness and unstructured rantings for which this blog is known for, it does require some effort on my part to actually be able to verbalize these insane and random ideas and thoughts into words upon which to deposite onto this tabula rasa of a new post. And since i seem to be afflicted with this unnatural sleeping pattern of nocturnalness, i've had a bit of time to somewhat attempt to verbalize these thoughts and have somehow managed to piece together a method in this madness of thoughts. or so i hope to anyway.
Lies, the problem and solution to life's question. Lies, It fucks everyone but yet, everyone loves a lie. Imagine if you will, your significant other having carnal relations with another. But its just purely carnal and while his/her body does not belong to you, her mind and soul are devoted to you. Everything but the sex.You could go so far as it to call it "love". And you live in absolute relationship bliss. S/he completes you. Would you like to know about it then? And you can toss bliss and happiness and contentment out the window. Or would you rather live a lie. A happy lie. A blissful lie? Imagine a doctor, whose patient is dying. Imagine when a pregnant woman who asks if she's fat. Imagine a kid asking his father if santa clause is real. Imagine when little Billy asks his dad if mommy is ever coming back. Imagine trying to get into the club when you're underaged. Imagine visiting your favourite grandma who told you not to smoke when you were younger and you're doing the exact opposite but grandma is blissfully unaware and you know it would break her heart if she knew you were smoking. Imagine telling someone that you fucking hate them to save them from you. Imagine... Becasue no one can live in a world of total truth and honesty. Because the truth hurts.
What is the yardstick of life? How do we measure morals and principles? What sets the standard? What is good and bad? Right and wrong? Hitler believed with every fibre of his being that what he was doing was right. Bush, glorious Bush, believed what he did was right. Timothy Mcvey and various others of like minded thought what he did was right. But we as a society are appalled and dismayed and condemn the actions of these men. What makes us right then? Is killing bad? It must be since we are quick to condemn it as per Mr Saddam. How would you feel then if your family was killed by someone right in front your very eyes and you're forced to watch and afterwards physically and mentally tortured? Your life has been spared yes. But some scars wont heal, the non physical more so than the physical. And one day, you then have the opportunity to kill this person who has done you so much wrong that at one point death was so much more preferable than being alive. Would you? Its all very easy to say now in a hypothetical situation that "oh, i dont believe in killing anyone. killing is bad. no one should be killed, no matter what their crime." But faced with that situation for real, with the mental anguish and the hate and rage burning up inside of you for this person who has taken away everything from you, would you? Principles and moral and personal character all play a part , yes, but can it really stand up to an emotionally charged situation? Can you look into the eyes of the person who took everything away from you and still say," no, killing is wrong"? And if you do eventually pull the trigger/stab and skewer him like a kebab/punch him till he's nothing but a bloody mess of flesh and bones/ etc etc ways of taking a life, congratulations, you have broken the standards and your actions are condenmed by society. Though im pretty sure that revenge was sweet and primitively satisfiying, but hey, it wrong. Again, what is the standard? What is the yardstick? Ok, away from the blood and gore, next situation, onto my favourite area, infidelity. Its generally seen as something negetive and not condoned but yet sexual promiscuity is cool isint it? And the simple excuse that we can give is "oh im not married and neither is s/he. so why should i give a fuck? i just wanna have fun!" Well, in a way, yeah, i mean, neither one of you is married,least of all to each other and as such dont owe any duty to be loyal. But when someone cheats on you it hurts dont it? Why? I thought it was cool? Oh.. so when it happens to someone else its cool but when its a personal things its not anymore huh? Standards and yardsticks... to this issue i take a quote from the matrix to end this discourse. "Do not try to bend the spoon. Thats impossible. Instead try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll see,that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."
Had this discussion with Joyce the other day. About phases. And how we all go through one in order to find ourselves. Take Wil for instance(those that dont know, he's my half brother). He b representin' the ghetto yo'! hommie b true 2 tha 'hood for life yo! Listenin to' teh wicked skillz of Eminem and 50 cent, the illest shit on the streetz for shizzo! B wearing them bling bling and be kitted in them Quiksilver and Billabong, the illest shit on the streetz n b keeping it for Real homeboy! Yes, im very amused as well. Believe it or not thine melacholy addicted humble scribe here used to be doing the same shit when i was his age circa 13-15 years old though in all honesty and sincereness not as extreme and as poserish as Wil. Like Joyce said, we all go through this phase of self experimentation and perceived satisfaction of said phase but after a while we mature and mellow out and find our true selfs. Or not sometimes in certain cases. But for Wil, i do hope, for his sake, he really does get out of this phase as its just getting a little bit too out of hand and annoying sometimes if not oftentimes. Poser you are now, young padawan. Life is tough and always deals you a bad hand and its down to the strenght of your character and principles for you to deal with it. And right now its looking really fucked for you. But i have a little faith in you. And if this is really the real you for shizzo, there isint much i can do to stop you from being yourself. I guess that would be the most important thing here. Self identity and realization. Be it poser or not. But still, it is amusing oftentimes to look at the folly of youth.
This is what i call the "YAY" session. Not to be confused with the Gay session, the YAY session is a little space that i devote to the appreciation of the things in life that i personally enjoy..
YAY for;
Good friends, Good food, Love from the family, Hermes, film trilogies,Dunhill, ms. wet t-shirt contests, women, history, Kevin Smith films, Incubus, Mushroomhead, 311, free internet movies,webcomics, books from the late David Gemmell(God rest his soul, the world has lost a great writer), HOME
And yay for finally being able to articulate my thoughts into another piece of this great tragic poem that is ju-rants.
thank you very much for your time. apologies for any grammatical/spelling mistakes. Its about 4am here in Bristol a.k.a. foreign gulag and im proper tired but unable to sleep. But i find this time of the morning, here or anywhere else, the most condusive time for musing and contemplation and of course, ranting. rants you later.
Lies, the problem and solution to life's question. Lies, It fucks everyone but yet, everyone loves a lie. Imagine if you will, your significant other having carnal relations with another. But its just purely carnal and while his/her body does not belong to you, her mind and soul are devoted to you. Everything but the sex.You could go so far as it to call it "love". And you live in absolute relationship bliss. S/he completes you. Would you like to know about it then? And you can toss bliss and happiness and contentment out the window. Or would you rather live a lie. A happy lie. A blissful lie? Imagine a doctor, whose patient is dying. Imagine when a pregnant woman who asks if she's fat. Imagine a kid asking his father if santa clause is real. Imagine when little Billy asks his dad if mommy is ever coming back. Imagine trying to get into the club when you're underaged. Imagine visiting your favourite grandma who told you not to smoke when you were younger and you're doing the exact opposite but grandma is blissfully unaware and you know it would break her heart if she knew you were smoking. Imagine telling someone that you fucking hate them to save them from you. Imagine... Becasue no one can live in a world of total truth and honesty. Because the truth hurts.
What is the yardstick of life? How do we measure morals and principles? What sets the standard? What is good and bad? Right and wrong? Hitler believed with every fibre of his being that what he was doing was right. Bush, glorious Bush, believed what he did was right. Timothy Mcvey and various others of like minded thought what he did was right. But we as a society are appalled and dismayed and condemn the actions of these men. What makes us right then? Is killing bad? It must be since we are quick to condemn it as per Mr Saddam. How would you feel then if your family was killed by someone right in front your very eyes and you're forced to watch and afterwards physically and mentally tortured? Your life has been spared yes. But some scars wont heal, the non physical more so than the physical. And one day, you then have the opportunity to kill this person who has done you so much wrong that at one point death was so much more preferable than being alive. Would you? Its all very easy to say now in a hypothetical situation that "oh, i dont believe in killing anyone. killing is bad. no one should be killed, no matter what their crime." But faced with that situation for real, with the mental anguish and the hate and rage burning up inside of you for this person who has taken away everything from you, would you? Principles and moral and personal character all play a part , yes, but can it really stand up to an emotionally charged situation? Can you look into the eyes of the person who took everything away from you and still say," no, killing is wrong"? And if you do eventually pull the trigger/stab and skewer him like a kebab/punch him till he's nothing but a bloody mess of flesh and bones/ etc etc ways of taking a life, congratulations, you have broken the standards and your actions are condenmed by society. Though im pretty sure that revenge was sweet and primitively satisfiying, but hey, it wrong. Again, what is the standard? What is the yardstick? Ok, away from the blood and gore, next situation, onto my favourite area, infidelity. Its generally seen as something negetive and not condoned but yet sexual promiscuity is cool isint it? And the simple excuse that we can give is "oh im not married and neither is s/he. so why should i give a fuck? i just wanna have fun!" Well, in a way, yeah, i mean, neither one of you is married,least of all to each other and as such dont owe any duty to be loyal. But when someone cheats on you it hurts dont it? Why? I thought it was cool? Oh.. so when it happens to someone else its cool but when its a personal things its not anymore huh? Standards and yardsticks... to this issue i take a quote from the matrix to end this discourse. "Do not try to bend the spoon. Thats impossible. Instead try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll see,that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."
Had this discussion with Joyce the other day. About phases. And how we all go through one in order to find ourselves. Take Wil for instance(those that dont know, he's my half brother). He b representin' the ghetto yo'! hommie b true 2 tha 'hood for life yo! Listenin to' teh wicked skillz of Eminem and 50 cent, the illest shit on the streetz for shizzo! B wearing them bling bling and be kitted in them Quiksilver and Billabong, the illest shit on the streetz n b keeping it for Real homeboy! Yes, im very amused as well. Believe it or not thine melacholy addicted humble scribe here used to be doing the same shit when i was his age circa 13-15 years old though in all honesty and sincereness not as extreme and as poserish as Wil. Like Joyce said, we all go through this phase of self experimentation and perceived satisfaction of said phase but after a while we mature and mellow out and find our true selfs. Or not sometimes in certain cases. But for Wil, i do hope, for his sake, he really does get out of this phase as its just getting a little bit too out of hand and annoying sometimes if not oftentimes. Poser you are now, young padawan. Life is tough and always deals you a bad hand and its down to the strenght of your character and principles for you to deal with it. And right now its looking really fucked for you. But i have a little faith in you. And if this is really the real you for shizzo, there isint much i can do to stop you from being yourself. I guess that would be the most important thing here. Self identity and realization. Be it poser or not. But still, it is amusing oftentimes to look at the folly of youth.
This is what i call the "YAY" session. Not to be confused with the Gay session, the YAY session is a little space that i devote to the appreciation of the things in life that i personally enjoy..
YAY for;
Good friends, Good food, Love from the family, Hermes, film trilogies,Dunhill, ms. wet t-shirt contests, women, history, Kevin Smith films, Incubus, Mushroomhead, 311, free internet movies,webcomics, books from the late David Gemmell(God rest his soul, the world has lost a great writer), HOME
And yay for finally being able to articulate my thoughts into another piece of this great tragic poem that is ju-rants.
thank you very much for your time. apologies for any grammatical/spelling mistakes. Its about 4am here in Bristol a.k.a. foreign gulag and im proper tired but unable to sleep. But i find this time of the morning, here or anywhere else, the most condusive time for musing and contemplation and of course, ranting. rants you later.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
death in winter
The depths of winter longing are ice within my heart
The shards of broken covenants lie sharp against my soul
The wraiths of long lost ecstasy still keep us two apart
The sullen winds of bitterness still keen from turn to pole
The scars and twisted tendons, the stumps of struck-off limbs
The aching pit of hunger and throb of unset bones
My sanded burning eyes, as light within them dims
Add nothing to the torment of lying here alone..
The shimmering flames of fever trace out your blessed face
My broken eardrums echo yet with your voice inside my head
I do not fear the darkness that comes to me apace
I only dread the loss of you that comes when im dead.
yeah...im back in Bristol..
The shards of broken covenants lie sharp against my soul
The wraiths of long lost ecstasy still keep us two apart
The sullen winds of bitterness still keen from turn to pole
The scars and twisted tendons, the stumps of struck-off limbs
The aching pit of hunger and throb of unset bones
My sanded burning eyes, as light within them dims
Add nothing to the torment of lying here alone..
The shimmering flames of fever trace out your blessed face
My broken eardrums echo yet with your voice inside my head
I do not fear the darkness that comes to me apace
I only dread the loss of you that comes when im dead.
yeah...im back in Bristol..
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
im still alive
yes.. of that im sure. salutations and greetings of the New Year from the Promised Land that is home. Home.... home is so sad. Things have changed and so have people. Home is no longer Lemon Grass Fields(yes.. i looked it up, thats what medang serai means)but here in the cesspit of capitalism of affluenism of Tropicana. Home can be a palace or home can be a shack but, as i've said, home is where the heart is, and its not here. Its no wonder then that im out of it more than in it. But its only a temporary semi respite before the re-deportation back to the foreign gulag that is Bristol. Oh sure, i know i have it easier than most people and i should be grateful that im actually able to study overseas instead of this corruption infested racially prejudiced country that is home. But how does a demon fit well into heaven anymore than an angel withstand the sight of the unholy? Lets just say then that i am in a state of purgetory.
Home is where the family is. What family? The witch and the usurper? My own flesh and blood they are not. And my one true pillar of strength, my sister, has departed for the Sandwhich Islands a.k.a Hawaii and thus i am left here, in a siege mentallity, fighting with the waves of insincerity and half hearted and misguided anger. I dont know how long my home, my heart can withstand all this, now that my pillar has left.What would i do without you? What can i do without you? And what about Hermes you say? My four legged non judgemental unconditional companion. I'll will be in exile again boy, but wait for me. Just as Argos waited for Odysseus to return to Ithaca, wait for me. I will return for you my loyal companion. Dear old dad is, well.. dear old dad. Love him to bits i do, but, shackled he is by the witch and the usurper. You made your bed dad, and u have to sleep in it, be it filled with linen sheets of a dream that could have been, or the angry barbs of reality of what is the present. Mom, i have not seen you in years. Come back soon.
Friends. Its great to see them all again. Tupps, im so sorry i havent been able to see u yet. That damned toe is still hurting like a bitch since i broke it, but boyo i'll try my bestest to see u before i am forced back into exile. The awesome foursome, at least you have been there and never changing. The only comforts to the coldness that permeates my mind. You as well Tupps my boyo. If this were to be our Thermopylae i would be glad to lay my lives down with all of you.
The greatest resource that i have now arent materials wants and needs but simply all of you. You may be diamonds in the rough to other people but to me you're the most valuabel of all stones.What will i do without you? What can i do without you?
I have to leave all of you behind soon.
As you can see, this is a very personal and, though u cant see it, an emotional post. I dont feel like ranting today. Its too sad to rant.
Home is where the family is. What family? The witch and the usurper? My own flesh and blood they are not. And my one true pillar of strength, my sister, has departed for the Sandwhich Islands a.k.a Hawaii and thus i am left here, in a siege mentallity, fighting with the waves of insincerity and half hearted and misguided anger. I dont know how long my home, my heart can withstand all this, now that my pillar has left.What would i do without you? What can i do without you? And what about Hermes you say? My four legged non judgemental unconditional companion. I'll will be in exile again boy, but wait for me. Just as Argos waited for Odysseus to return to Ithaca, wait for me. I will return for you my loyal companion. Dear old dad is, well.. dear old dad. Love him to bits i do, but, shackled he is by the witch and the usurper. You made your bed dad, and u have to sleep in it, be it filled with linen sheets of a dream that could have been, or the angry barbs of reality of what is the present. Mom, i have not seen you in years. Come back soon.
Friends. Its great to see them all again. Tupps, im so sorry i havent been able to see u yet. That damned toe is still hurting like a bitch since i broke it, but boyo i'll try my bestest to see u before i am forced back into exile. The awesome foursome, at least you have been there and never changing. The only comforts to the coldness that permeates my mind. You as well Tupps my boyo. If this were to be our Thermopylae i would be glad to lay my lives down with all of you.
The greatest resource that i have now arent materials wants and needs but simply all of you. You may be diamonds in the rough to other people but to me you're the most valuabel of all stones.What will i do without you? What can i do without you?
I have to leave all of you behind soon.
As you can see, this is a very personal and, though u cant see it, an emotional post. I dont feel like ranting today. Its too sad to rant.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
random session 49
scrubs is a great series. its funny without the laugh tracks unless you're the dee dee dee who dosent get the jokes. its like fraiser but less stuck up its own ass in intellectual jokes that not all of us will understand. Look, i like intellectual discourse, sataires on current events and tasteful play on words as much as the next guy to me..or if its a certain someone who dosent know he's being played out and abused by his possessive girlfriend, the the other guy next to him, or..for fucks sake someone on the same damn wave length as me, but come on.. its like laughing at your lecturers jokes, which, though funny, eventually tends to ware out its humour if u listen to it every single day. No... its helps to laugh at situational comedy and slapstick once in a while as well.. but no so much that its just decreasing your already limited IQ every single time you watch it. That scrubs for you. a good balance. so far anyway. Not everybody loves raymond. yes. i get it, he's always the popular funny italian american who's a mamma's boy and yadayada yada.. yes mr romano.. it WAS funny, till it just became 10(or less or more.. i dont know.. i hate that show) seasons of moaning and whining. Goddamnit, everyone whines and moans yes, but not for every episode! and for fuck sake u need a laughtrack to show that the jokes funny. Maybe personal standards are high, but hey, if u can make me laugh without getting annoyed after 10 seasons then its all good. but fucks sake, you're not making me laugh. yes, i know its your job and u need it to survive and blablafuckingrealitybitesbla. still.. i dont like everybody loves raymond.
on the same vein of thoughts, Kramer from Seinfield uttered the word nigger. *cue gasps of horror at political incorrectness. and thus, a lot criticism and shit went out towards that "white cracker". Similarly, Dave Chappelle calls the white man a cracker head. *cue laughter at political correctness. Carlos Mencia cracks a joke and calls Mexicans wetbacks* cue laughter at political correctness. Dave Chappelle again, calls asian people chinks and gooks and assorted racial slurs even though he's married to an asian woman. with a blackenese kid. Look, racial jokes are funny. i have already mentioned this in a previous post. But when someone makes a crack like that about other races you did better be prepared to take it too. Yeah we know, nobody likes the white man. Always the exploitative, imperialistic, money grabbing racist fuckers that they are. yes. i agree. but when someone says the word nigger why is that wrong? is it because of historical racial tension? if that is so, then why does one afro american call the other a nigger and thats all cool homey? believe it or not, white comedians are funny, but they dont resort to racial jokes which most afro americans seems to do, i.e dave chappelle, eddie murphy, richard pryor, always seem to have them "cracker" jokes. Of course, racial slurs are always not condoned, but made light off no big deal right? i think its funny actually(see previous post a while back). apparently not so. double standards and political correctness prevail.
so why all this political correctness. fuck, no one knows what political correctness is anymore. 5 fucking years ago it was republicans all the way, yes to war in iraq and yes to homeland security. 5 fucking years later its all oh no its bad, we're losing soldiers, my rights are being taken away blabladidnotthinkofthefuckingconsequencesblabla. 20 years ago being homosexual was EVIL...today.... its soooo totally "in" *complete with gay hand gestures and that damned happy, i havent got care to worry in the world lalala voice. right, biasness talking there. gay people... sighzies.. just do what you want. im restating my position as semi homophobic EVEN THOUGH my roomate is a lesbian and im still friends with my lesbian ex girlfriend so who fucked me over so hard that if she were a guy it would have been sodomy. Things change, people change, but some thing never will. like the human mind set. we never had a time when there wasnt a war. we havent had a time when race and creed didnt play a significant role in our lives. we have never known peace. which is sad, because we, humanity, just have all that potential to make us the greatest thing that God ever created. but no... we're just petty. that is whats holding us back from majestic crowning glory of the species... pure fucking petiness. how i loathe this human mind set.
now back to your slapstick programme. songs you should not sing in church (or any other holy place of worship for that matter) :
Abosolutely no black and death metal, i.e Morbid Angel, Death, Dark Funeral and anything with demon names in the band name
Slayer(will usually get your average priest up in a holy panty bunch)
Songs by rappers advocating pulling a .44 on rival rapper
No rock music... unless its Christian rock. exactly how does one get into that genre? Whooooo! its great to be fucking be here in (city of concert). Remember, JESUS LOVES YOU!. something like that? honestly, not to knock on them,( i cant give examples because i dont know any christian rock bands to be honest) but i really dont need to buy your CD to reaffirm my faith in God because your music is so groovy and neat( 1970 calling ju-lian, we want our slang back(LAMER THAN A CRIPPLE(not to mention distasteful u insensetive prick you) ) )
No pop music either. even God can only take so much crap these days.
Seriously, does what kind of music u listen to really affect your faith and believes and principles? Fucks sakes, i listen to death metal but you dont see me making blood sacrifices in a pentagram in front of an alter to satan do u? i dont feel the need to go out and say, hey im a satanist, believe in SATAN! he believes in YOU! I listen to so many songs with the word fuck and so many songs which advocate atheism and drug taking and violence against your fellow man for fucking petty things and generally unpositive messages but im not that bad of an anti social....not yet anyway. i also listen to political bands but then i dont go around planting bombs and claiming to be the next Che do i? it really dosent matter what you listen you. the music dosent make you. you make yourself. saying that. I dislike pop but if thats your thing then go for it. itspoisoningyourmind.
thats all. random you later
on the same vein of thoughts, Kramer from Seinfield uttered the word nigger. *cue gasps of horror at political incorrectness. and thus, a lot criticism and shit went out towards that "white cracker". Similarly, Dave Chappelle calls the white man a cracker head. *cue laughter at political correctness. Carlos Mencia cracks a joke and calls Mexicans wetbacks* cue laughter at political correctness. Dave Chappelle again, calls asian people chinks and gooks and assorted racial slurs even though he's married to an asian woman. with a blackenese kid. Look, racial jokes are funny. i have already mentioned this in a previous post. But when someone makes a crack like that about other races you did better be prepared to take it too. Yeah we know, nobody likes the white man. Always the exploitative, imperialistic, money grabbing racist fuckers that they are. yes. i agree. but when someone says the word nigger why is that wrong? is it because of historical racial tension? if that is so, then why does one afro american call the other a nigger and thats all cool homey? believe it or not, white comedians are funny, but they dont resort to racial jokes which most afro americans seems to do, i.e dave chappelle, eddie murphy, richard pryor, always seem to have them "cracker" jokes. Of course, racial slurs are always not condoned, but made light off no big deal right? i think its funny actually(see previous post a while back). apparently not so. double standards and political correctness prevail.
so why all this political correctness. fuck, no one knows what political correctness is anymore. 5 fucking years ago it was republicans all the way, yes to war in iraq and yes to homeland security. 5 fucking years later its all oh no its bad, we're losing soldiers, my rights are being taken away blabladidnotthinkofthefuckingconsequencesblabla. 20 years ago being homosexual was EVIL...today.... its soooo totally "in" *complete with gay hand gestures and that damned happy, i havent got care to worry in the world lalala voice. right, biasness talking there. gay people... sighzies.. just do what you want. im restating my position as semi homophobic EVEN THOUGH my roomate is a lesbian and im still friends with my lesbian ex girlfriend so who fucked me over so hard that if she were a guy it would have been sodomy. Things change, people change, but some thing never will. like the human mind set. we never had a time when there wasnt a war. we havent had a time when race and creed didnt play a significant role in our lives. we have never known peace. which is sad, because we, humanity, just have all that potential to make us the greatest thing that God ever created. but no... we're just petty. that is whats holding us back from majestic crowning glory of the species... pure fucking petiness. how i loathe this human mind set.
now back to your slapstick programme. songs you should not sing in church (or any other holy place of worship for that matter) :
Abosolutely no black and death metal, i.e Morbid Angel, Death, Dark Funeral and anything with demon names in the band name
Slayer(will usually get your average priest up in a holy panty bunch)
Songs by rappers advocating pulling a .44 on rival rapper
No rock music... unless its Christian rock. exactly how does one get into that genre? Whooooo! its great to be fucking be here in (city of concert). Remember, JESUS LOVES YOU!. something like that? honestly, not to knock on them,( i cant give examples because i dont know any christian rock bands to be honest) but i really dont need to buy your CD to reaffirm my faith in God because your music is so groovy and neat( 1970 calling ju-lian, we want our slang back(LAMER THAN A CRIPPLE(not to mention distasteful u insensetive prick you) ) )
No pop music either. even God can only take so much crap these days.
Seriously, does what kind of music u listen to really affect your faith and believes and principles? Fucks sakes, i listen to death metal but you dont see me making blood sacrifices in a pentagram in front of an alter to satan do u? i dont feel the need to go out and say, hey im a satanist, believe in SATAN! he believes in YOU! I listen to so many songs with the word fuck and so many songs which advocate atheism and drug taking and violence against your fellow man for fucking petty things and generally unpositive messages but im not that bad of an anti social....not yet anyway. i also listen to political bands but then i dont go around planting bombs and claiming to be the next Che do i? it really dosent matter what you listen you. the music dosent make you. you make yourself. saying that. I dislike pop but if thats your thing then go for it. itspoisoningyourmind.
thats all. random you later
Thursday, December 07, 2006
AnnaMolly Redux
Yay, first redux. ever. as you can obviously tell from the title its about the song AnnaMolly by Incubus. This song, in this scribes humble opinion, is one to which most of us, or maybe just me, can relate to. As most of u can tell(or not), the title is a play on the word anomaly and as mr boyd gloriously sings, i wonder if she might be. in effect, we are all searching for our Anna Molly's, that perceived rose among the thorns, that silver lining in the dark cloud that is ours, or my own, life. The ONE as u might want to put it. The person, we presume anyway, who is our perfect soulmate, life comapanion, the anamoly among the same clichedness we see every single damned day which pains us for want of some different from the indifference that is the clichedness of past experiences with plastic dolls and roses. Following the verse, i can picture her in the back of my mind. That picture goes beyond image for me. Of course i have guidelines which are not binding upon the hearts content but nevertheless are persuasive in how my emotions are dictated. Fucks sakes, who dosent have guidelines For one, she has to, for the love God, please, just once, be able to be articulate in english and of similar intellectual vein. Looks wise, i really dont care, but of course, picturing someone who might or might not be, i tend to draw references from the past though i would happily delete it like an obsolete programme were i to meet anna molly and she looks nothing like unhappy memories.But most importantly, miss anna molly, the thing i look for most in you, beyond the looks, beyond the damned guideline criteria, is the inner you. Loyalty, respect and acceptence of my short comings. Nigh impossible. Nigh impossible in this day and age. Sure, u have your success stories here and there, but then, as i've said, here and there and not everywhere. Mayhaps this be the effects of melancholy and lonliness combined with a slight positive envy of certain associates who have, presumably, found their own anna molly, to which i mention kudos? Yeah, probably and most likely.
The proverbial cloud hangs over my city of depressionville and mutes my happiness. Now then, as some people have mentioned.. alright fine, the whole damned lot of you, why this need to find for anna molly, to yearn for a proverbial lady love? a girlfriend? honestly, im a busted modem and i need a connection to anna molly(oh my fuck.... cornier than a corn on a cob/cup/popcorn and other associated corn products, or as the indians, the big ceremonial headress type and not the bollywood type, call it, maize). There are just certain things that only a woman( or man if you're a woman reading this, or if you're homosexual the same sex as yours...sheesh, the consessions we make for the gay people to not sound politically incorrect) can do for you that a good friend cant. and, though i have often times said and admit that im a horny fucker, its not all about the sex, it dosent have to be about a physical connection, though it plays a part admittedly. its about that connection that transcends, just about everything. its hard to explaine. if you've been in "love" its something like that but just so much stronger. i felt it, or so i thought, and i seek to renew that connection with a stronger one. with miss anna molly. nobody else could ever compare, anna molly, anna molly. and doo doo doo do i guess is, well,its sounds catchy in place of lyrics?
so is seeking anna molly seeking perfection. in a way it is. but then dont we all seek perfection, knowingly or not? human nature ladies and gentlemen and hopefully aliens who read this, i'll signle them with my lighter. shit, living life itself is seeking for perfection. we just dont realize that everyday when you wake up and say fuck, i've got to go for class/lecture/work in the morning we fail to realize that we're still alive. being born, having all 10 fingers and toes and all healthy organs is a perfection. the only limit to our perfection is our mind set. and with that, i leave this rant. it started out with the quest for annamolly and turning into a short burst of life appreciation and preachyness. thats what you call a perfect rant, unstructured and incoherent
i like my blog name, simple and straight to the point. ju-rants. thats exactly what you're getting. me ranting.its not something fanciful and unconnected to what i believe in, which is using this blog as an outlet to rant. like supposed bliss(haha... just kidding sis), waikibukakibubbalooshongo. haha.. ok so that was made up, but u know what im getting at. but then, never judge a book by its cover eh?
alright lovelies. thats it for now. more semi intellectual/ idiotic nonsensical discourse next time. when i feel like it.
The proverbial cloud hangs over my city of depressionville and mutes my happiness. Now then, as some people have mentioned.. alright fine, the whole damned lot of you, why this need to find for anna molly, to yearn for a proverbial lady love? a girlfriend? honestly, im a busted modem and i need a connection to anna molly(oh my fuck.... cornier than a corn on a cob/cup/popcorn and other associated corn products, or as the indians, the big ceremonial headress type and not the bollywood type, call it, maize). There are just certain things that only a woman( or man if you're a woman reading this, or if you're homosexual the same sex as yours...sheesh, the consessions we make for the gay people to not sound politically incorrect) can do for you that a good friend cant. and, though i have often times said and admit that im a horny fucker, its not all about the sex, it dosent have to be about a physical connection, though it plays a part admittedly. its about that connection that transcends, just about everything. its hard to explaine. if you've been in "love" its something like that but just so much stronger. i felt it, or so i thought, and i seek to renew that connection with a stronger one. with miss anna molly. nobody else could ever compare, anna molly, anna molly. and doo doo doo do i guess is, well,its sounds catchy in place of lyrics?
so is seeking anna molly seeking perfection. in a way it is. but then dont we all seek perfection, knowingly or not? human nature ladies and gentlemen and hopefully aliens who read this, i'll signle them with my lighter. shit, living life itself is seeking for perfection. we just dont realize that everyday when you wake up and say fuck, i've got to go for class/lecture/work in the morning we fail to realize that we're still alive. being born, having all 10 fingers and toes and all healthy organs is a perfection. the only limit to our perfection is our mind set. and with that, i leave this rant. it started out with the quest for annamolly and turning into a short burst of life appreciation and preachyness. thats what you call a perfect rant, unstructured and incoherent
i like my blog name, simple and straight to the point. ju-rants. thats exactly what you're getting. me ranting.its not something fanciful and unconnected to what i believe in, which is using this blog as an outlet to rant. like supposed bliss(haha... just kidding sis), waikibukakibubbalooshongo. haha.. ok so that was made up, but u know what im getting at. but then, never judge a book by its cover eh?
alright lovelies. thats it for now. more semi intellectual/ idiotic nonsensical discourse next time. when i feel like it.
Friday, November 24, 2006
AnnaMolly
Check this song out. You know when im posting song lyrics i have nothing else better to write about but i feel like i have to share this song with you, dear reader.
Incubus-AnnaMolly
A cloud hangs over
Its a city by the sea
I watch the ships pass and wonder if she might be
Out there and sober as a well for loneliness
Please do persist girl its time we met and made a mess
I picture your face in the back of my eyes
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
Doo doo doo doo do, Doo doo doo doo do
A cloud hangs over
And mutes my happiness
A thousand ships couldnt sail me back from distress
Wish you were here
I'm a wounded satellite
I need you now put me back together make me right
I picture your face in the back of my eyes
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
I'll crawl to your name
I'll bend to the earth
Nobody else could ever compare
Anna Molly, Anna Molly
Wait there is a light
There is a fire illuminated attic
Fate or something better I could care less
Just stay with me a while
Im looking for you AnnaMolly. Props to tupps for bringing my attention to this song.
Incubus-AnnaMolly
A cloud hangs over
Its a city by the sea
I watch the ships pass and wonder if she might be
Out there and sober as a well for loneliness
Please do persist girl its time we met and made a mess
I picture your face in the back of my eyes
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
Doo doo doo doo do, Doo doo doo doo do
A cloud hangs over
And mutes my happiness
A thousand ships couldnt sail me back from distress
Wish you were here
I'm a wounded satellite
I need you now put me back together make me right
I picture your face in the back of my eyes
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
I'll crawl to your name
I'll bend to the earth
Nobody else could ever compare
Anna Molly, Anna Molly
Wait there is a light
There is a fire illuminated attic
Fate or something better I could care less
Just stay with me a while
Im looking for you AnnaMolly. Props to tupps for bringing my attention to this song.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
redundancy
i have noticed that since being in this foreign gulag that my entries thus far have been of political incorrectness and that of bitching and whining about how i miss home. yeah. sorry. i still hate the malaysian government to the utmost and everything it stands for. but i miss my country and not my country's government. i cant say for the day because its been there for 20 years and the main party just isint going to roll over and die just anytime soon. and home, whats not to miss about home? good food, fine weather and lovely friends and dearest family. anyway, i thought its about time to life my bowed head and rise above the fog of depression and write a totally random blog. nothing is being plan and i follow my train of thought as it switches tracks like some hollywood gossip column. memes could follow, funny anecotes or just plain crazy rambling,along with a lot of spelling mistakes, like pliane and beastiality. we'll see
some of my favourite redundancies:
giving a deaf man an ipod
giving a blind man a plasma tv
giving a paraplegic a football to kick around
giving gloves to a man who has no hands and boots to a man with no legs
giving condoms to lesbians
taking a gay man to a strip club(not chippendale)
taking a vegetarian to a steak house
dating a neo nazi while you are jew/black/ non white.
eating a beef burger at a hindu festival/temple and pork at a jewish/musilm festival/place of worship
wearing a "satan rules" t-shirt to church
listening to (insert pop group/singer) while wearing a Slayer t shirt
you can call all these redundancies insensitive. i call them funny. the reason they are called redundancies is because no one who has a reasonable logical thinking would ever do such a thing unless you're a Dee DEE dee. and the thought that someone would actually be in those situations is funny because you did be a Dee x3. And its not like i have anything against spastic people.you're born like that and cant help it. its against people who grew up normal and then became a spas.
oh my fuck.... memes!! like i said, nothing scripted, all random. either that or im running out of creative juice and politcal (self)righteousness
speaking of which, congratulations to the Democratic party in the U.S for winning the majority in the HR and Senate. u have 2 years. do something.
in regards to relationships, again, well, look at this scenario. my friend, who identity shall remain annonymous, lets call him X, is not satisfied with the current relationship which he is in now. the girl treats him like a slave and she is really all the things you dont want in a girl besides the looks. i can attest to this because i've seen her and how she affects my friend. he has been advised as to just quit if he is being unhappy. to which he replies, she's nice to me "AT TIMES" and then we have the EX factor coming into play. you know that song by hinder? lips of an angel? yeah. same exact situation. now then, mr X situation is not one of its kind, similar stories are abound all the time. Now, can mr X be blamed for feeling how he feels? I would say no but then if u play with fire and you get burned, are you going to play with it again?obviously not unless you're an arsonist. basically if something makes you unhappy then you should cease and desists such activity no? oh frail human emotions, rationality and you do not make a homely couple. we love to hurt and hurt to love i think is how it goes. all i can say to mr X is this, you know whats best for you. we as your friends can only advise you so much but we cant force you to do anything either. at the end of the day only you can do what you think is best for you. but we as friends would still stick with you. sure, u'll get burned every now and then by us in our moments of boyish immaturity, but we'll still stick by you at the end of the day. for better or worse.
the quality that i admire most in a person is loyalty. to the right people and to the right cause in life. i dont know if thats common sense or if im speaking from experiences of infidelity, but loyalty, i feel, is the most important principle a person should have. next to common sense and moral decency at least. but then all 3 go hand in hand. you should have the common sense and moral decency to be loyal to someone or something which has done you good and betters your life and not be some backstabber.
watch carlos mencia do comedy. racial jokes are funny because it is generally true. why do u think stereotypes exists? its because its true. and if its something negetive then it should be laughed at because of its negetivity and steps should be taken to overcome it. of course if its also not negetive, it makes a good laugh. its always good to laugh at yourself and not be so serious all the time. me, im generally mostly serious and quiet. serious because there isint much to laugh at at the moment and i did look like a Dee x3 if i laughed all the time. quiet because i simply have nothing to say and i did rather listen and learn than be a tin kosong(empty tin). that dosent mean i dont have a sense of humour or that i dont like you. i just basically have nothing to say.
ok. end of randomness. im obviously alive and well,otherwise i would not be writing this. sorry for the irregular postings. im buzy. take care and much love to all of you who matter the most to me .you know who you are. not all the nine lovely ladies included but some are in my heart. till i see you again.
*cue diverse ways of saying goodbye
some of my favourite redundancies:
giving a deaf man an ipod
giving a blind man a plasma tv
giving a paraplegic a football to kick around
giving gloves to a man who has no hands and boots to a man with no legs
giving condoms to lesbians
taking a gay man to a strip club(not chippendale)
taking a vegetarian to a steak house
dating a neo nazi while you are jew/black/ non white.
eating a beef burger at a hindu festival/temple and pork at a jewish/musilm festival/place of worship
wearing a "satan rules" t-shirt to church
listening to (insert pop group/singer) while wearing a Slayer t shirt
you can call all these redundancies insensitive. i call them funny. the reason they are called redundancies is because no one who has a reasonable logical thinking would ever do such a thing unless you're a Dee DEE dee. and the thought that someone would actually be in those situations is funny because you did be a Dee x3. And its not like i have anything against spastic people.you're born like that and cant help it. its against people who grew up normal and then became a spas.
oh my fuck.... memes!! like i said, nothing scripted, all random. either that or im running out of creative juice and politcal (self)righteousness
speaking of which, congratulations to the Democratic party in the U.S for winning the majority in the HR and Senate. u have 2 years. do something.
in regards to relationships, again, well, look at this scenario. my friend, who identity shall remain annonymous, lets call him X, is not satisfied with the current relationship which he is in now. the girl treats him like a slave and she is really all the things you dont want in a girl besides the looks. i can attest to this because i've seen her and how she affects my friend. he has been advised as to just quit if he is being unhappy. to which he replies, she's nice to me "AT TIMES" and then we have the EX factor coming into play. you know that song by hinder? lips of an angel? yeah. same exact situation. now then, mr X situation is not one of its kind, similar stories are abound all the time. Now, can mr X be blamed for feeling how he feels? I would say no but then if u play with fire and you get burned, are you going to play with it again?obviously not unless you're an arsonist. basically if something makes you unhappy then you should cease and desists such activity no? oh frail human emotions, rationality and you do not make a homely couple. we love to hurt and hurt to love i think is how it goes. all i can say to mr X is this, you know whats best for you. we as your friends can only advise you so much but we cant force you to do anything either. at the end of the day only you can do what you think is best for you. but we as friends would still stick with you. sure, u'll get burned every now and then by us in our moments of boyish immaturity, but we'll still stick by you at the end of the day. for better or worse.
the quality that i admire most in a person is loyalty. to the right people and to the right cause in life. i dont know if thats common sense or if im speaking from experiences of infidelity, but loyalty, i feel, is the most important principle a person should have. next to common sense and moral decency at least. but then all 3 go hand in hand. you should have the common sense and moral decency to be loyal to someone or something which has done you good and betters your life and not be some backstabber.
watch carlos mencia do comedy. racial jokes are funny because it is generally true. why do u think stereotypes exists? its because its true. and if its something negetive then it should be laughed at because of its negetivity and steps should be taken to overcome it. of course if its also not negetive, it makes a good laugh. its always good to laugh at yourself and not be so serious all the time. me, im generally mostly serious and quiet. serious because there isint much to laugh at at the moment and i did look like a Dee x3 if i laughed all the time. quiet because i simply have nothing to say and i did rather listen and learn than be a tin kosong(empty tin). that dosent mean i dont have a sense of humour or that i dont like you. i just basically have nothing to say.
ok. end of randomness. im obviously alive and well,otherwise i would not be writing this. sorry for the irregular postings. im buzy. take care and much love to all of you who matter the most to me .you know who you are. not all the nine lovely ladies included but some are in my heart. till i see you again.
*cue diverse ways of saying goodbye
Sunday, November 05, 2006
absentism
one month without a post. bleh, unlike some people im not a slave to blogsphere. i use it as it is intended, as a LOG. how the hell did the 'b' come into play anyway? anyway, i understand why now its more important to keep a blog actually.besides the fact to let you know that im still alive and not rotting away in some gutter while some damn kid is poking me with a stick and charging his friends a quid/ringgit/buck/currency of your choice for seeing a dead body, i really need to just rant on things. small or big, inconsiquential or monumental. i just need to rant about things.
in the time that i have been here in this foreign gulag(check out what gulag means on wikipedia. interesting to say the least) where nothing is what it seems and everything seems nothing, i have come to hate this place even more. to be fair to bristol, its a nice place tourist wise. however, immigrants and long term but dont intend to stay people i.e students or something like that, its not very hospitable now innit? the people here are veiledly racist and prejudiced. generalizing of course. not all arabs are terrorist right mr bush? not all malays are racist rempits right mr lim kit siang? not all minority races are just here to rape the land and return to their country with their riches while leaving nothing behind to the dominant race of the land that was there was before the pendatang asing or even if they were born on malaysian soil itself and contribute to the land and the country they still are damn stinking foreigners and they dont deserve to be treated fairly in racial terms, economy and educational wise. they're just second class citizens... right mr hishamuddin hussien? they deserved to be killed and their blood bathed on your keris right mr najib razak, mr deputy prime minister? the supremacy of the melayu race cannot be questioned and the same is true for their religion as well is it not, mr abdullah badawi, mr prime minister? no.. of course not. you were all just generalizing wernt you?
sorry. politics. a bore arent they? u did rather know how my day went and whether i bought any presents and sovenieurs for you while im here or whether i've gone to stamford bridge and seen a chelsea match and of course, tell mr mourinho to suck eggs dont you. well, i did rather not. im fucking sick but thanks for asking. got a high fever. not gonna whine and bitch about it. its not like your sympathy is the cure for the common cold. same goes with assignments. not much help by complaining about it is there? i should have been a pyschologist. i love studying the human mind in all its fucked up-ness. honestly. its fascinating to watch human behaviour. like malaysians, specifically the chinese. even a white man can see for himself that we go in packs. and not the fierce wolf type either but the silly will-laugh-at-any-immature-jokes-and-converse-in-chinese-loudly type kinda pack. yes, i understand its your race and culture and all that shit. im a fucking chink as well too. but for fuck sake, keep the fucking noise down. and stop being so damn clannish. and dont give me the bullshit that you're gonna watch my back because im malaysian and chinese because you dont fucking know me and i dont have an interest to know you. we were never friends back home and we certainly arent going to be here. and the white man. yes, i speak with a funny accent. you do too you damn cockney bastard.i dont fucking judge you based on your fucking language, which is what i speak as well. and im shorter than you too. sorry. my bad totally. i mean, i wanted to be tall and all but it just didnt work out. so fucking sorry. whats that? the yellow skin and slant eyes? yeah. my bad as well hitler.
on the same vein of things, homosexualism. jesus there is just no way i can ever run from the word. no, im not coming out of the closet because i was never in it the first place. LGBT does not rock my boat. it never has and never will thanks to personal trauma. no i was not touched in the wrong places. please refer to my ex girlfriend for more details. im tired of reopening an old wound. anyway, my roomates a les. there are several gay associates of mine who, even though their sexual orientation is very...i dont know how to put it in a polite way so i just wont say anything but its something along the lines of distasteful, to me, i will not sacrifice years and years of frienship just for an irrational fear and prejudice that i have for homosexual people. i understand that they are people too. i understand its now becoming more acceptable. i get it, the world is moving with it and i guess i better mosey along with it lest i get left behind in antiquity. dosent mean i have to like it. i accept the principle of trust and land law but that dosent mean i have to like the damn subject.
on the subject of relationships. god. i dont know. i havent been in one for years so its all beceomed uncharted territory for me again. im suffering from relationship and, to an extent, sexual gastritist. i really dont know. there hasnt been a ONE. there's just been AnnaMollys and AnyAmys. either something that just isint right or too fleeting a feeling for me to feel anything. and call it insecurity or having too high of a standard. but i fish one way and you fish another. damn i havent had a filet in years though. I did like to leave to leave it to fate, but when has fate ever done me any good? in the current circumstances, i seem to have no choice. im luring but not catching. this fisherman analogys are pretty weird since i've only gone fishing one and i didnt catch anything other than mosquito bites. lame and cliched circumstances i know. but that's how it really happened. And, in a related matter, and this rant goes out to someone who isint going to read this anyway but fuck it, its a rant, you are more than just friends. you can have her. i dont go for another man's woman. and control your damn alcohol you bastard. i'll kill you next time you swing when im not looking. for my family, dont be concerned. it was a minor altercation not of my doing and im fine, we did not involve the authorities and everything is cool now.
random information; wikipedia is a lovely place to visit when you're bored. and so is youtube. and i like watching ANTM. sorry. i know its a show about models and the bitching and the crying game and the emotional game and tyra tyra tyra. so sue me. i like looking at hot women. hot wanna be model women. sorry but manhunt just wasnt.. oh my fuck(not a typo, i wanted to say it this way) its a show about male models. why the hell would i want to see that for? i reiterate, im not a gay or bi or tranny. if that rocks your boat then fine(said with an ewww added before and after).dont turn the fucking guilt trip on me saying i dont understand or its just personal. i fucking understand. be fucking thankful i dont go around bashing your gay little heads(hahaha) in like buju banton(wikipedia it) . Im not being sexists either. hot women turn me on and men dont. i dont know how much more clearer and logical i can make it for you.
sorry. just in a really bad and melancholic mood. makes me think too much. deal with it. girls can have bitch mode . that is totally sexist of you and not me, coz if u wanna bitch about something go ahead, just away from me. what is the male equivalent of a bitch mode anyway? anyway, its a blog. you rant. or do a damn meme. or post pictures of yourself to bring out the inner exhibitionist in all of us. or journalize it. up to you. its yours.make of it what you will.
that should tide you over till next time. apoloies for spelling mistakes and nonsensical arguments. fuck it. you dont care. and neither do i.
in the time that i have been here in this foreign gulag(check out what gulag means on wikipedia. interesting to say the least) where nothing is what it seems and everything seems nothing, i have come to hate this place even more. to be fair to bristol, its a nice place tourist wise. however, immigrants and long term but dont intend to stay people i.e students or something like that, its not very hospitable now innit? the people here are veiledly racist and prejudiced. generalizing of course. not all arabs are terrorist right mr bush? not all malays are racist rempits right mr lim kit siang? not all minority races are just here to rape the land and return to their country with their riches while leaving nothing behind to the dominant race of the land that was there was before the pendatang asing or even if they were born on malaysian soil itself and contribute to the land and the country they still are damn stinking foreigners and they dont deserve to be treated fairly in racial terms, economy and educational wise. they're just second class citizens... right mr hishamuddin hussien? they deserved to be killed and their blood bathed on your keris right mr najib razak, mr deputy prime minister? the supremacy of the melayu race cannot be questioned and the same is true for their religion as well is it not, mr abdullah badawi, mr prime minister? no.. of course not. you were all just generalizing wernt you?
sorry. politics. a bore arent they? u did rather know how my day went and whether i bought any presents and sovenieurs for you while im here or whether i've gone to stamford bridge and seen a chelsea match and of course, tell mr mourinho to suck eggs dont you. well, i did rather not. im fucking sick but thanks for asking. got a high fever. not gonna whine and bitch about it. its not like your sympathy is the cure for the common cold. same goes with assignments. not much help by complaining about it is there? i should have been a pyschologist. i love studying the human mind in all its fucked up-ness. honestly. its fascinating to watch human behaviour. like malaysians, specifically the chinese. even a white man can see for himself that we go in packs. and not the fierce wolf type either but the silly will-laugh-at-any-immature-jokes-and-converse-in-chinese-loudly type kinda pack. yes, i understand its your race and culture and all that shit. im a fucking chink as well too. but for fuck sake, keep the fucking noise down. and stop being so damn clannish. and dont give me the bullshit that you're gonna watch my back because im malaysian and chinese because you dont fucking know me and i dont have an interest to know you. we were never friends back home and we certainly arent going to be here. and the white man. yes, i speak with a funny accent. you do too you damn cockney bastard.i dont fucking judge you based on your fucking language, which is what i speak as well. and im shorter than you too. sorry. my bad totally. i mean, i wanted to be tall and all but it just didnt work out. so fucking sorry. whats that? the yellow skin and slant eyes? yeah. my bad as well hitler.
on the same vein of things, homosexualism. jesus there is just no way i can ever run from the word. no, im not coming out of the closet because i was never in it the first place. LGBT does not rock my boat. it never has and never will thanks to personal trauma. no i was not touched in the wrong places. please refer to my ex girlfriend for more details. im tired of reopening an old wound. anyway, my roomates a les. there are several gay associates of mine who, even though their sexual orientation is very...i dont know how to put it in a polite way so i just wont say anything but its something along the lines of distasteful, to me, i will not sacrifice years and years of frienship just for an irrational fear and prejudice that i have for homosexual people. i understand that they are people too. i understand its now becoming more acceptable. i get it, the world is moving with it and i guess i better mosey along with it lest i get left behind in antiquity. dosent mean i have to like it. i accept the principle of trust and land law but that dosent mean i have to like the damn subject.
on the subject of relationships. god. i dont know. i havent been in one for years so its all beceomed uncharted territory for me again. im suffering from relationship and, to an extent, sexual gastritist. i really dont know. there hasnt been a ONE. there's just been AnnaMollys and AnyAmys. either something that just isint right or too fleeting a feeling for me to feel anything. and call it insecurity or having too high of a standard. but i fish one way and you fish another. damn i havent had a filet in years though. I did like to leave to leave it to fate, but when has fate ever done me any good? in the current circumstances, i seem to have no choice. im luring but not catching. this fisherman analogys are pretty weird since i've only gone fishing one and i didnt catch anything other than mosquito bites. lame and cliched circumstances i know. but that's how it really happened. And, in a related matter, and this rant goes out to someone who isint going to read this anyway but fuck it, its a rant, you are more than just friends. you can have her. i dont go for another man's woman. and control your damn alcohol you bastard. i'll kill you next time you swing when im not looking. for my family, dont be concerned. it was a minor altercation not of my doing and im fine, we did not involve the authorities and everything is cool now.
random information; wikipedia is a lovely place to visit when you're bored. and so is youtube. and i like watching ANTM. sorry. i know its a show about models and the bitching and the crying game and the emotional game and tyra tyra tyra. so sue me. i like looking at hot women. hot wanna be model women. sorry but manhunt just wasnt.. oh my fuck(not a typo, i wanted to say it this way) its a show about male models. why the hell would i want to see that for? i reiterate, im not a gay or bi or tranny. if that rocks your boat then fine(said with an ewww added before and after).dont turn the fucking guilt trip on me saying i dont understand or its just personal. i fucking understand. be fucking thankful i dont go around bashing your gay little heads(hahaha) in like buju banton(wikipedia it) . Im not being sexists either. hot women turn me on and men dont. i dont know how much more clearer and logical i can make it for you.
sorry. just in a really bad and melancholic mood. makes me think too much. deal with it. girls can have bitch mode . that is totally sexist of you and not me, coz if u wanna bitch about something go ahead, just away from me. what is the male equivalent of a bitch mode anyway? anyway, its a blog. you rant. or do a damn meme. or post pictures of yourself to bring out the inner exhibitionist in all of us. or journalize it. up to you. its yours.make of it what you will.
that should tide you over till next time. apoloies for spelling mistakes and nonsensical arguments. fuck it. you dont care. and neither do i.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Boredom (in) Bristol
Boredom and Bristol both start with the same alaphabet. im starting to think it isint just coincidence. Everything here closes at 8 besides the pubs and the strip clubs which i have yet to find and thus visit just for "experience" sake. and dont get hyped up about the "open and liberal" society that i am currently living in. the only thing open about them are the female's legs and the guys bottles.(not meant as a sexual innuendo but now that i think about it...) and they are liberal to the extent that they liberally do not like foreigners who arent tourists. they only speak to you so they can hear you speak english the way you've been taught and not english english which is in itself something totally not akin to english. paradoxical and ironical englishmen. the weather here is lovely though. its either windy or raininy or gloomy with small random bursts of sunshine for good measure. take your pick. and the people im with here arent friends. they are people i live with and socialize with in order to create a harmonious enviroment which is advantageous for studying. plus they cook and i dont. a real friend is someone who knows me inside out. a real friend is someone who would have my back(in a non gay way) even though i was wrong( and even take the effort to point out my flaws so i can improve on them but still accept me for who i am, flaws and all). a friend is someone who would call you at around 12 am so we can go for teh tarik in a mamak(which is non existant on this fucking island) or spend mindless hours playing some damn game in some damn cybercafe. a friend is someone who would just come out and chill with you, have a fag, engage in mindless banter on the short comings of humanity, the opposite sex who taunt us ever so often and lead us on the road for the big let down and mock gay culture. a friend is someone who would put up with your nonsensical drunken blabbering about how amazonian warriors have no right tit and still laugh along with you even if you dont know what you're laughing about in the first place because you just consumed 21 seconds of whisky from the bottle. a friend would drag your sleepy ass out of bed so you can company him for PJ nasi lemak. a friend drives you around(with you paying for the petrol and food contributions as well) because you're have a phobia about driving.a friend is someone who has an iq higher than your other friend with a less iq introduces you to a hot nympho chick who u really wanted to bone but instead engaged in a deep and meaningful conversation about life and discovered you have the same birthday and as you leave her appartment you realize you're leaving tomorrow and you should have met her sooner not just for a fuck but to talk and be glad to have meet a like minded kindred spirt to talk to and a fuck would just be a bonus. a friend buys you the jacket that you're using now. a friend would talk to you over the internet which keeps the misery and homesickness and boredom away. a friend is what im missing over here in Bristol. in short, i hate this place and i want to go home. if you havent already realized that im a really whiney ass dick(haha...ass and dick) then you shoulndt be reading this blog in the first place.
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