limbo

in a limbo. and im not talking about the fucking game. im not that flexible anyway and would probably break my back if i attempted to limbo. anyway, in this rare space of time i can get away from the fucking mire that is the CLP to blog, i.e. relax my mind, take a break, to just fucking rant and let some exam pressure/stress go.

why a limbo? i dont know. it could be the fact that i really dont care if pass this time or not. i really dont. it was a stupid, uninformed decision on my part to choose and even continue to do the CLP in the first place, so i guess bitching and moaning now, with a paper in less than 15 hours away, about why im still taking it. See, thats point. Im "trying my best" right now. i.e. studying everything a day before the exams. Going through all the stress that is usually associated with exams. but like i said, i couldnt give two flying shits if i pass the exams or not. i mean, fuck it, i just didnt and dont have the interest anymore. Im burnt out and just... in a fucking rut. Not to mention that im desperately in need of a good fuck and masturbation just doesn't fucking cut it anymore. A meaningful relationship would help too but all interested parties currently have other interest and engagements to attend to. i. fucking. e they're already taken or have different sexual preferences. in short, this fucking loneliness is not fucking helping the situation. On the CLP, fuck it, it been proven that there's a fucking quota and only 10-20% of applicants pass it because the fucking government, if its not raising oil prices or blowing up mongolians or having anal sex, wants to keep the fucking non bumis i.e. me, out of the one fucking profession they know that if not racially segregated, will come and bite them in the ass should someone in the profession get "politically active". well, on my part, fuck politics, i just want to fucking earn some money to help put my as yet unborn kids to school. ohh.. wait.. that aint in line with government policy.

and in regards to love and relationships.. and this excludes platonic and familial levels, it just dosent fucking exist. i think that if we arent related or known each other for fuck knows how long, we are just out there to fucking hurt each other because we're selfish. dont believe me? read the fucking news and open your eyes around you. love is dead. long live indifference... ok fine. dont believe me. im just a fucking cynic who's stressed up and burnt out and slightly horny.

yeah..so its back to the books again. and i dont feel fucking better. and not having a cigarette just fucking aggravates the situation even more.

fucking off now.