random+bored

the fucking CLP's done with. I theoretically do not have to sit for an academic exam ever again in life. And how do i feel about that? Fucking numb is what i feel. I don't feel like celebrating, i don't feel like partying, I don't feel like hopping and skipping to the comic store like a love sick school girl that just got laid and wasn't raped in the process, to buy a fuck load of comics that I have been denying myself for the sake of studying for an exam that has a quota system on the passing rate to keep non Malays out of the legal profession, because they're already too many of us that are keep fucking them up politically. I don't feel like going for a road trip to an island just for the fucks of it because i want to see the sea and play on the beach like I was 10 again and watch the sunset while having a beer and being in the company of good friends. I really don't feel like doing anything actually. I don't know if it's because my brain doesn't know how to react after a month of studying everyday and 1 and a 1/2 weeks of sleep deprivation because, instead of studying for the exams much, much earlier, I adopted the typically Malaysian attitude of putting it off till the last fucking minute when its fucking too late and the balls start to shrink because you realize you have to cover material thats the size of 20 Lord of the Rings trilogy books. And if you're a well read person/ fantasy geek, you'll know thats a lot. Other than that numbness, here I am then, blogging on a blog that nobody reads. Oh, sorry, its read but because its too long winded and complicated no one bothers to come back.Plus it doesn't have pictures. Exceptions apply of course. I'm basically just typing whatever comes into my head right now, the extent of my boredom being as such. I'm still desperately in need of a fuck, but there's a feeling of, why bother. Its not like im going to get some anytime soon. Unless im paying. And i don't want to spend money for a 2 hours experience when i can spend it on a comic book that i can reread whenever i want to. Plus, i mean, i've said it so many times it become fucking redundant. And fuck, i just mentioned it again. I've been told that im "no longer fun". As in im not so easily satisfied or stimulated with doing activities which i once found fun and interesting to do. I wonder why? What changed? Has all the emotional trauma really taken its toll on me even though i tell myself differently to make it seem like im strong but im not? I guess so then if im "no longer fun". I also feel that blog ranting therapy is no longer helping me and i would like to go for psychiatric help but then again, the same argument would apply to the sex argument. I don't want to fucking pay for it. Which means, ergo, i dont want to change and thus its useless to rant. Its useless to want to change but not fucking do anything about it. Its useless to bitch. Its useless to have this blog. Its useless to write what i feel in here because i dont fucking feel any better after i've ranted . yes, i lied then in the past. Im in a fucking rut. We're the all singing, all dancing crap of the world. Not original i know, but hey, if i was fucking original i would have done something with art or the movies instead of law.

I don't care about comments. As far as im concerned, it doesn't exist. Not that i cant handle positive and constructive criticism. I just don't care basically. Because i wouldn't take your comments to heart, whether positive or negative. Masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan. Sorry. Like i said, i don't care.