Failure in Indifference

I tried to be indifferent. Really. I did. I mean, the strikeout rule applied when you implied, intentionally or not, that I'm an irresponsible dog owner by feeding my dog chocolates(for the record I did not and to insinuate that I did is fucking insulting). So why then do I feel a slight tug at my heart strings and a minuscule lump in my throat when I hear that you've found a significant other again? I mean, fuck, I can't imagine myself with you except for that one secret fantasy. My rational non emotional side suggests the Forbidden Fruit/The One that Got Away syndrome, and it's mostly right. However, the over highly emotional side of me is raging away in its solitary confinement cage and I can feel it's rattles reverberate through my very core. I've come to hate the word why myself. Mostly because I can't always get the answer and even if I do, I loathe it. I would like to wish you good luck and have a nice life but I know I'm just really insincere when I say that and that I hope you break up really soon because I'm just that petty. And that scares me. Because I made no effort to make you mine(well I did, but I just couldn't stand your idiocy and your inherent hate of me by avoiding me like a plague and never wanting to meet up with me unless it's with a mutual friend because, you know, I'm a serial stalker and I would likely Jeffery Dahmer you(Im being sarcastic, assholes)). It perplexes me because one moment I'm going "Meh" and the next I'm going "Shit". The fact that you can illicit an emotional response from me when I claimed indifference is just so damn disturbing on my part. So am I over you or not? After leaving the keyboard and taking a long drag from a cigarette, the answer is most definitely not. Oh, I'm sure over time I'll come to forget you and we'll only have conversations along the lines of "Hey, long time no see. How are you doing? I'm good. Having sex like a jack rabbit. You?". Out of sight out of mind they say. It's just fucked up that I can act all indifferent with you but then go all "Oh woe is me" when I hear that you have a boyfriend when I myself was like, heh, no way will I ever be with her. Goddamn these conflicted emotions. Emotions just fuck everything up. So yeah, please allow me, for the moment, to be just a tad melancholic. I'll be fine in a week or so, in LA, by the beach, looking at lovers hold hands and display public displays of affection in the sunset while I light my cigarette and space out into a life that could have been but, like that cigarette, will disappear in a puff of smoke and end in oblivion once I stub it out in a public ashtray, because littering is a public offence in the States. All with a fucking wry smile. *cue big sigh and playing the emo playlist on Itunes

what? a guy can't be emotional and conflicted?