Holy Fucking boredom Batman!

I dont even know why i used that as my title other than the fact that it helps convey how bored i am. Well not about my stay here but just at this current time. which is currently 2.33 am. I know i know, I'm back to Malaysian timing again but I cant help it. There's nothing to do in the day. Generally anyway. Today was a bit of fun. Well, as much fun as someone the age of 23 can have on a day out with his mum and her husband i.e. not my dad. Went to see a big old boat called the Queen Mary. Go wikipedia it, im to lazy to give you a run down of its history and significance. The only thing I will highlight is the fact thats its haunted and we actually went for the "paranormal" tour. I.e. they lead you down to the bowels of the ship where its dark and creepy, intentionally or not i dont know, but i would not want to spend some time down there, well lighted or not. They did the whole tourist trap thing with the lights ans sounds and special effects and stuff. It wasnt all that scary really. Except for that one part in the abandoned swimming pool. That had fucked up and there might actually be some spooky shit going around here written all over the place. Even after all the fake special effects and lights and standard haunted house banshee scream, it just felt, weird. Thats all i can say. Can't really describe it myself. It's like you have a feeling that something is wrong( and you're not an overly paranoid person already) and in fact yeah, something is wrong e.g. cat died or cousin's sick. Still dont know what im talking about? Thats ok, i didnt claim i was a very good describer of things. I don't think im a good writer even. As im writing this i can see all the typos and grammatical mistakes being made but im just to arsed to scroll up and right click and select the right correction.

Coming back to the title, well, i am a comic book fan. I've read all the good stuff from batman, i.e. the dark knight returns, its sequal and year one et al, but other than that, i dont know much about the character. Its like having a fuck buddy. You get all the best out of a relationship without having a relationship. In the end you just know how well the she sucks your dick and lets you fuck her doggy style but everything else are just details which you dont need to know. I.e. stuff you dont need to know because you dont want to know the person better emotionally. Same thing with the batman comics. I mean, i guess if you enjoy the sex/great stories but just dont feel up to having a long term relationship/following then its alright to skip the other complicated relationship stuff/tons of back issues you have to catch up with. Whoo, i connected sex and comics. You are of course free to disagree with me and be all BATMAN ROCKS WHOO!!YOU DONT EQUATE SEX AND COMICS!! Yeah batman rocks, but im just not a fanboy. And daredevil would kick batman's ass, despite the sucky movie. And green lantern rocks too aight?... shit.. you see what america has done to me? Its got me occasionally saying stuff like aight, what up, and whatevs and etc. etc. Oh... and only someone as bored or as neurotic as me could connect sex with a friend with benefits and comic book analyzing bordering on fanboy fanaticism.

Aight,(dammit, again) thats it for now. And no, no poem today. No impromptu juice today.Hahaha.. that sounds sick. Or maybe its just me.

Yay.. Not an angsty post. Enjoy this reader. Its a rare occasion when ju-rants dosent get all emo and angsty on you. Wait.. are there even people reading this?

fucking bored.. or, not the most interesting title in blog history

So here we are again then. If I'm blogging then it means I'm bored as hell. What? "How is that possible?", you cry with shock and indignation. "You're in the States!". Well, to quell your premature ejaculation of shock and indignation, not everything is as it seems yeah? I don't have a car and the closes "fun" thing i can do is over an hour's walk away. At least I think it's an hour away. It always seems much closer when you're in a car, obviously. So all that talk about sun and sand and scantily clad women on the beach... yeah, it would be so much easier with a car. And since I don't have an international license nor do I know the area quite well, no scantily clad women for me. Oh sure, I could be asked to be dropped off, but things inevitably get boring after 4 hours of doing it. Exceptions apply to sex, but then again I'm just hard up and horny so I wouldn't know what I'm talking about. And i think stripclubs are out of the question. I mean, its a little awkward asking your mom to drop you off at Fantasy Island or other gentlemen's clubs which have the words NUDE NUDE NUDE in bright neon lights on display. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm having a good time here in the States. Its a nice place to be at. I've already been to all them tourist places, Washington and New York in particular. And obviously im living in LA. Its just, I mean, I'm living with my mother. Me, who's so used to living alone without parental supervision. And independence well, given that here I would honestly just watch naked women all day, either live and in front of me or on the tv(provided i can subscribe to the channel which shows Girls Gone Wild daily) because I don't know what to do or where to go being a tourist and what not. So there, I'm having a good time but I'm not having the best of times.

So right. Enough of the boring personal stuff. Its time for this blog to live up to its name. And on todays menu is fucking BN.

You know, I've been saying it all along, fuck the government. Fuck the government in all it's fucking corruption and racial prejudices. Fuck them and their censorships. Fuck them and their hypocritical stance in regards to racial politics. Fuck them for only helping poor malays but not poor Malaysians who aren't Malay. Fuck them for telling us to go to private institutions/colleges because local government universities are only for malays. Fuck them for telling us not to question obviously unfair policies. Fuck FELDA and UM for "affirmitive action policies" I know im a fucking minority but i fucking bleed the same as you fucking do. I was born in Malaysia and I'm just as Malaysian as any fucking one of them from the majority. Fuck Datuk Ahmad Ismail for calling us squatters and immigrants and thus unworthy of having equal rights. You're just an offspring of Indonesian descent. So who's the fucking immigrant here?He should be sent to fucking ISA since the standard set by the very powers that be of which Datuk Ahmad Ismail is part of. states that a person who causes racial tensions and affects the security of the nation can be held without trial for security reasons. But no.. our great and all knowing and all waking Prime Minister just wants to make sure he "doesn't do it again". Sure. If it was another person, of another race maybe, who said something to that extent to the Malays you can see the headlines reaading " X detained under ISA for inciting and inflaming racial tension" Im not a racist. I dont have anything against malay people. We are all children of Malaysia. Us, the Indians, the Malays, the Sikhs, the Natives, etc, ALL OF US MALAYSIANS. But instead of fucking preaching unity, how about actually doing something instead of racially segregating us and then fucking enforcing it with fucked up policies and locking up loose fucking mouths from inciting racial prejudices among the OTHER races? Fuck the government for not looking after its people, us, the RAKYAT. The milk of human kindness runs sour in the corrupted and defiled breast of the government. In short, fuck the government. Yeah, yeah, try and block this website. Its not like people read this anyway. So in effect its not sedition. How can it be sedition anyway when all that's spoken here is the fucking truth?

I don't know why I'm going back though. I wonder if there's anything left for me at home. But at the same time I dont know if there's anything here for me. I obviously can't work here because i have a foreign degree, and in order to work here in need some experience back home. Thats for law anyway. In short im in a limbo, professionally anyway. Emotionally.. I really don't know. Thats just a big black hole right now even though i try to shine a light on it. But if you know physics and astronomy or all that other fancy shit you have to know to know blackholes, no light can enter a blackhole. So.. yeah... empty emotional shell. I don't know if someones waiting or not but honestly, I dont blame her if she dosent. In fact i know she's not. So thats the story of my life i suppose. Unrequitment. I know thats not really a real word but i guess that about sums everything up.


Anyway, anyone saw the Olympics? Fine, stupid rhetorical question. Of course you did. Well here in the States its kind of forced on you. I.e Michael Phelps. And on the Malaysian front, one silver. Hey, fuck it. Even a bronze would suffice for the shit state our sports are in. I mean, since competing for almost 50 years and all we have to show for that is 4 fucking medals? All from badminton? Again here i would like to say a special fuck you to the sports ministry for being so fucking corrupted and incompetent. You know that money you bought your 3rd bungalow and your 6th car with? Yeah, that was supposed to be for helping to improve our athletes. On that note, fuck the ACA too, bunch of fucking toothless government lapdogs. At least Lee Chong Wei got a Datukship. Even then thats fucked up. Why now? Wasnt it enough when he was No.1 in the world even though it was a short reign. Wasnt it enough that he's been decently consistent throughout. Yeah, he fucks up now and then but which player dosent. And the same can be said for Nicol David. I dont see no Datukships for her while Michelle Yeoh, actress who dosent even live in Malaysia anymore, and who married a former F1 boss, she gets a datukship for sure. I mean how does she even contribute to the nation? Most people know her from Hong Kong. Bunch of fucking hypocrites. But hey, whats a datukship? It can be bought. Its no longer an honorific title that entails the person honor and respect as it once was. Quite the opposite now in fact. Just ask DATUK Ahmad Ismail.

In regards to pictures of the trip to washington and new york, please refer to my facebook. Yes, i have a facebook account. Funny anecdotes... well, there was this black homeless guy who asked me to buy him chinese food. Then there was this white guy who said "What's up my nigga" to me while i was out smoking at a bar. Yeah, racial issues here arent really that bad. Not as bad as Malaysia anyway. And apparently, I look Filipino.

And here's something new, impromptu poem to end the blog

She makes a scene to be seen.
Enter stage right, she's such a sight
To behold. Her performance is gold,
Her lines on cue, Praises abound and due.
The audience stands and applauds, loud as they can
One does not join the cacophony. He merely sits idly
In his seat. From the stage the She notices and seethes.
An uncultured boor, he should be wanting more
Of me. He must be blind not to see
The best actress of all time, able to make any act seem divine.
After the curtain, and where all is silent,
He sits there still, as quiet as you will.
Why is he still there? Why does he stare
at me? God, is he creepy.
Her curiosity pipped, she approaches this basilisk
Why do you stare and why did you you not clap?
Why do you not join the others who enjoyed my act?
He smiles sadly. Quite an irony.
You're merely an actress acting
You have no idea what it means to be living

Impromptu-ness sucks...

goodbye

So this might probably be the last post i ever make in Malaysia. As of 6/8/08 i will be leaving this country and going off the United States of America, and God knows how long I'll be there. 2 months maybe. A year maybe. Forever maybe. I don't know and I can't say for now. It's a weird feeling. I don't want to leave yet I know in my heart that this really is a good opportunity for me to move forward in my life and all in all it might turn out to be an unforgettable experience to say the least. But, from the experience I've already had abroad, I know my heart will always be here, that is, home. I know this country is fucked up, what with its racial politics and inherent prejudices if you aren't a Malay. I know they're the majority and thats why its called MALAYsia and not MalayIndianChinesesia and I'm not under and delusions that I'll always be a minority wherever I go, with the exception of China but I know thats not where I'll end up. I may be Chinese but I'm a Malaysian first and foremost. I was born here and i love my country. But I do not love my government. Besides that, I'll obviously miss the friends that I have here. When i say friends i do mean FRIENDS, of which are low in quantity but unbeatable in quality. These are friends for keeps and saying goodbye just makes it harder to leave. There is also the family, which I love very dearly. I know i dont always show it but they are always just a thought away and of course already in my heart. Then there's Hermes, my 4 legged companion. I know everyone here's going to say i dont take care of him enough but yes, i still do love him very much. he's cuddled next to me right now as i type. As you can see, im becoming increasingly incoherrent right now and just simply typing out whatever i feel. Thats because im kinda becoming a little too emotional to string out proper sentences. M, you know it and i know it, we still love each other, but pride and too many other complicated circumstances put us in such a position that it will always remain unrequited. I wished things could have worked out better but we know it didn't

I love all of you and I'll miss all of you

random+bored

the fucking CLP's done with. I theoretically do not have to sit for an academic exam ever again in life. And how do i feel about that? Fucking numb is what i feel. I don't feel like celebrating, i don't feel like partying, I don't feel like hopping and skipping to the comic store like a love sick school girl that just got laid and wasn't raped in the process, to buy a fuck load of comics that I have been denying myself for the sake of studying for an exam that has a quota system on the passing rate to keep non Malays out of the legal profession, because they're already too many of us that are keep fucking them up politically. I don't feel like going for a road trip to an island just for the fucks of it because i want to see the sea and play on the beach like I was 10 again and watch the sunset while having a beer and being in the company of good friends. I really don't feel like doing anything actually. I don't know if it's because my brain doesn't know how to react after a month of studying everyday and 1 and a 1/2 weeks of sleep deprivation because, instead of studying for the exams much, much earlier, I adopted the typically Malaysian attitude of putting it off till the last fucking minute when its fucking too late and the balls start to shrink because you realize you have to cover material thats the size of 20 Lord of the Rings trilogy books. And if you're a well read person/ fantasy geek, you'll know thats a lot. Other than that numbness, here I am then, blogging on a blog that nobody reads. Oh, sorry, its read but because its too long winded and complicated no one bothers to come back.Plus it doesn't have pictures. Exceptions apply of course. I'm basically just typing whatever comes into my head right now, the extent of my boredom being as such. I'm still desperately in need of a fuck, but there's a feeling of, why bother. Its not like im going to get some anytime soon. Unless im paying. And i don't want to spend money for a 2 hours experience when i can spend it on a comic book that i can reread whenever i want to. Plus, i mean, i've said it so many times it become fucking redundant. And fuck, i just mentioned it again. I've been told that im "no longer fun". As in im not so easily satisfied or stimulated with doing activities which i once found fun and interesting to do. I wonder why? What changed? Has all the emotional trauma really taken its toll on me even though i tell myself differently to make it seem like im strong but im not? I guess so then if im "no longer fun". I also feel that blog ranting therapy is no longer helping me and i would like to go for psychiatric help but then again, the same argument would apply to the sex argument. I don't want to fucking pay for it. Which means, ergo, i dont want to change and thus its useless to rant. Its useless to want to change but not fucking do anything about it. Its useless to bitch. Its useless to have this blog. Its useless to write what i feel in here because i dont fucking feel any better after i've ranted . yes, i lied then in the past. Im in a fucking rut. We're the all singing, all dancing crap of the world. Not original i know, but hey, if i was fucking original i would have done something with art or the movies instead of law.

I don't care about comments. As far as im concerned, it doesn't exist. Not that i cant handle positive and constructive criticism. I just don't care basically. Because i wouldn't take your comments to heart, whether positive or negative. Masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan. Sorry. Like i said, i don't care.

limbo

in a limbo. and im not talking about the fucking game. im not that flexible anyway and would probably break my back if i attempted to limbo. anyway, in this rare space of time i can get away from the fucking mire that is the CLP to blog, i.e. relax my mind, take a break, to just fucking rant and let some exam pressure/stress go.

why a limbo? i dont know. it could be the fact that i really dont care if pass this time or not. i really dont. it was a stupid, uninformed decision on my part to choose and even continue to do the CLP in the first place, so i guess bitching and moaning now, with a paper in less than 15 hours away, about why im still taking it. See, thats point. Im "trying my best" right now. i.e. studying everything a day before the exams. Going through all the stress that is usually associated with exams. but like i said, i couldnt give two flying shits if i pass the exams or not. i mean, fuck it, i just didnt and dont have the interest anymore. Im burnt out and just... in a fucking rut. Not to mention that im desperately in need of a good fuck and masturbation just doesn't fucking cut it anymore. A meaningful relationship would help too but all interested parties currently have other interest and engagements to attend to. i. fucking. e they're already taken or have different sexual preferences. in short, this fucking loneliness is not fucking helping the situation. On the CLP, fuck it, it been proven that there's a fucking quota and only 10-20% of applicants pass it because the fucking government, if its not raising oil prices or blowing up mongolians or having anal sex, wants to keep the fucking non bumis i.e. me, out of the one fucking profession they know that if not racially segregated, will come and bite them in the ass should someone in the profession get "politically active". well, on my part, fuck politics, i just want to fucking earn some money to help put my as yet unborn kids to school. ohh.. wait.. that aint in line with government policy.

and in regards to love and relationships.. and this excludes platonic and familial levels, it just dosent fucking exist. i think that if we arent related or known each other for fuck knows how long, we are just out there to fucking hurt each other because we're selfish. dont believe me? read the fucking news and open your eyes around you. love is dead. long live indifference... ok fine. dont believe me. im just a fucking cynic who's stressed up and burnt out and slightly horny.

yeah..so its back to the books again. and i dont feel fucking better. and not having a cigarette just fucking aggravates the situation even more.

fucking off now.

right back at you

so i guess its safe to say that not a lot of people are reading this here blog. this, then, is an excellent opportunity to be able to let off some pent up frustration towards a few individuals and to life in general. yes, i bitch. hence the need for there to be this fucking blog. at least i dont live in fucking denial and pretend that everything is alright when its fucking obvious its not. no, im not mentally as strong as you to be able to soldier on and keep everything in. i just... need to get a few things off my chest.

to YL, i know its not really fair of me to impose on you but your reaction was totally uncalled for. its just a goddamned book and not a fucking wedding ring or my right ear.Please.. i may be love sick but im not fucking blind to the fact that you and your current beau arent going to be breaking up anytime soon and even if that were the case, that small miniscule chance that your realize what an ass he is and you finally wake up and dump him, what makes me think im the fucking one for you? please, i learned to give up hopes and dreams a long time ago. we're just friends yeah? so why should a book make you all hot and bothered? its nothing but a book. no fucking intentions whatsoever. so.... yeah... fucking meet up with me for lunch already.

to M, goddamned... 8 years of... connecting for want of a better word... and you keep pulling the same shit over and over again. and i dont fucking get where the fucking devotion keeps coming from? i mean, is she that great? she fucking dosent understand you, that goes without saying. but i guess if i scratch under the surface, im just fucking bitter that you can put so much fucking effort into trying to make that relationship work while i was just a fucking... i dont know what i was or am to you honestly. why couldnt you at least put half of the effor you're putting in now on ours? i just feel fucking short changed you know, after all the shit i have done for you. yeah, we're friends... i understad you, you can talk to me, well and good... we have an understanding beyond words. but sometimes, just sometimes, i just feel so.. , i dont know. i already said it.. short changed.. and i dont understand. and dont think i ever shall. our currentl platonic relationship is a rubics cube i cant solve. but then again, i dont think i've ever given up trying to solve a rubics cube. note. i havent finished the one i bought last week.

to G, fuck, this is what i really wanted to say to you all those times. you're just a really ugly person underneath that beautiful shell of yours. you dont have a spine of your own and i would have really appreciated it if you just fucking told me what was wrong or at least even a fucking "look, i dont like you, fuck off" would have been acceptable. the fact that you fucking just turned away without even saying a word to me while everyone else heard your fucking lies just really fucking hurts. get off your pedestal, grow a backbone for once in your life, and fucking tell me straight to my face what the fuck is your damage is with me instead of the fucking backstabbing and silent treatment you cowardly spineless weakling.

to VP, god, you were just so fucking possesive is it any wonder that we fucking broke up?who the fuck were you to demand that i stop spending time with my dad so i could talk to you. your fucking threatend me with break ups and all that fucking immature nonsense and for what? just to talk to someone you've never even seen before? stop saying i was the bastard and look in the fucking mirror bitch.

yes... most of this rant was directed to most of the women who were part of my life. just thought i did give my side of the fucking slanted stories for once and tell all of them... "right back at you." yes i know, the best answer here would be to fucking forget these people and move on with life right? well, this is kind of moving on therapy. you know, like writing what you did say to someone in a letter but never sending it? so some over priced shrink can tell you that you had a troubled childhood and that you're odepius reborn. anyway.. yeah.. this is my way of feeling better and getting rid of pent up frustration angst and anger. and i didnt have to spend 50,000 to do it.

you must have realized that my blog posts are all purely esoteric, non picture, non video, and completely fucking rubbish. and thats the way i fucking like it.

sorry grace, guess i cant stop swearing like a sailor. or angst ridden bastard. or both. angst ridden sailors...

comment wise... i did be happy to enteratain all questions and answer all criticisms and defend to the fullest all my notions of justice and righteousness and dolphins. i do not entertain penis enlargement ads though

as always, mind the spelling typos and abuse of grammar. thank you

A woman's ode to me

Alanis Morissette- Uninvited

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate sight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd meet shepherd
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate sight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate sight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

God is a dick

just wish He did cut me some fucking slack for once in my life.

Yeah im selfish. Deal with it

re post dated june 6/7/07

this post i going to be an esotoric one but then again its not like a lot of you get what im really saying most of the time anyway.

having read that post, i suppose you have a right to get freaked. i mean, putting yourself in your shoes i would too. imagine someone you havent seen in years suddenly reappears in your life again and declares an interest and fondness in you while you're still in a strong and stable relationship with a significant other. by all means, getting freaked would be a totally reasonable response. on my part though, there isint much that i cant say that isint said, if you get the oxymoron in that. you cant be together with me and vice versa. im just lovesick yes but im not blind. it wont happen anytime soon and, looking at the strength of your current relationship, i dare say never. i guess u could say i was waxing lyrical and hoping against hope when i said u needed to be saved from that relationship. fuck, what do i know? absolutely nothing. all i hear is hearsay and make my own assumptions which i know is wrong of me to do because what you do or who you date in your life is really none of my business and i really wouldnt know any better. so thus, you need not be afraid or freaked. i know its not going to happen. and we can leave it at that and still be friends or we can take the inevitable road i always take and watch what little retlations and communications we have and watch it all fade away into nothing but a fond memory. Personally the latter choice would be most preferrable but i leave that to you and fate

this isint goodbye, its just a statement of the stance im taking and the choices available. i cant kid myself by chanting the mantra that im strong and i can forget you as ever being more than a friend and saying goodbye. like i said in the post mentioned in the title, you really make me happy in ways you would never know, nor would i tell you to maintain your happy status quo.no, you arent the bad person. you're just living your life your way. if anyone is the villian here its me for wanting another man's woman. and this whole wanting is tearing away at the bastion that is my principles.

i guess what im really trying to say is that the truth is out there, i really like you. im not using the words love here because its a very strong word that i rarely use nowadays because it can mean so much more than just 4 letters. and technically i dont really know you to say i love you, but you're the only girl i know who has never been cruel to me that isint a relative.whether or not thats a good justification or not i dont know but i dont think at this point and time it would really matter. i like you a lot, and until such time where i find the perenial "one" i stand by it. i dare not place such hopes that you are the one because it just hurts too much when hopes and dreams are eventually crushed by bitter reality. but what is a man if he does not have hopes and aspirations right?

till and when and if you read this dear girl, i wont say a thing. just know that if ever fate would be so kind as to smile on the two of us one day, i would be the happiest man in the world. but until that day my dear heart, i'll be here as a friend. and nothing more.

okay. you can start with the "OMG just, get a grip of your emo self etc etc etc" comments now. if people still read this blog that is.

#64

i cant believe im back here again. wondering where i've been? living. thats what i've been doing, or at least attempting to be doing at this current state of mind. i simply just do have anything to bitch and moan and gripe about and hence nothing to rant about. that is, until now. That is the main problem i think. having nothing. nothing to be passionate about. nothing... exciting... for want of a better word. oh yeah sure, im still single and desperately available, im still studying, which is to say doing the CLP( the Malaysian Bar examination for those of you unaware or too ignorant to know what it is), the government is still shit and thus was so proven on November 10th 2007 recently (syabas BERSIH) and i still do not like lesbians. Ok, maybe that needs a bit of rephrasing. I dont mind lesbians as people but I do not like the idea of lesbianism and i fucking hate watching lesbian porn now(yes, neurosis due to past trauma is still there but im glad to say less severe, i hope) . That is to say, nothing has fucking changed for me. Im, quite simply put, in a fucking rut. Sure, sure, no one to blame but myself you say. I mean, i try to fucking socialize, try to go out more often, do something different, like you know, badminton or jogging or getting politically active and involved and all that different "stimulating" stuff. Then why the fuck do i still come back everyday to this fucking empty shell that is my life feeling depressed and useless and a smidge of lonliness? i have friends, i have contact with the outside world, i try to think im alright, content. Then why the fucking rut? Shit, with the fucking CLP i dont have the fucking time to get depressed and yet here we are my dears. fucking all washed up without having been worn in the first place. Why? The question echoes in a lonly dark cave without any reply or witty remark that my semi schizophrenic brain might conjure. Has even that come into a fucking rut? Its one thing to be depressed for a reason, rational or irrational, but its fucking frustrating not know what is the source of the depression. I try to put up a brave front, hey everythings alright, im just happy to be here, of course i'll fucking be polite to you even though i think you're the scum of my world. Sometimes the effort to be someone else is just too much to bear and i just want to lash out for no fucking reason at all at anything, or worse, anybody. I dont want to be the actor. i just want to be me but i fear to be me. i fear to be lonely. i fear the demons that still dwell within and i fear the skeletons. i fear to be afraid.

but hey, here i am again. putting on a front like i dont give a fuck. i dont. but then again you dont know who's talking to you, do u?