Nigthmare #1 2009

It started out great. You finally got over your fear of me and my sins, and I got over my insecurities and cowardice. The question was asked offhandedly and you said yes, in a restaurant with a forgettable name and forgettable food, but with an underlying layer of hope and love. For the first time in a long time I smiled, smiled sincerely, smiled contently, I just smiled for no other reason other than the fact that you wanted to share your life with me. Its funny how the greatest joys in life are always in a whirlwind of the moment. It happens, but it happens so fast that if you blinked, you missed. Its so unlike the bitterness of scorn and rejection. They happen like a train wreck in slow motion. And they scar you for life while you try to comfort yourself with the fleeting moments of happiness that you had but just cant for the life of you seem to be recalled to be looked at and smiled upon like a photo of the past. The only thing I do remember is the softness of your hands and the warm feeling I get every time we touched, physically and emotionally. And most of all, I remembered the smiles. If the world was destroyed in a fiction worthy disaster, I wouldn't have changed a thing knowing that I had seen you smile. And you had made me smile. Then the scene of things begin to change. The softness is no longer there, and the warm feeling is now cold and unfeeling. You don't smile as much as you used to, if hardly ever anymore. You have a new friend now, someone you've deemed worthy to share your life with. I have been usurped. I have been robbed. I have been vilified. I no longer have you. And you want nothing to do with me. Even your friend is so well liked while I'm and loathed and hated. I don't know how it happened. Worse, I don't know why it happened. And the worst part of it all, I don't smile anymore.

And that's when I woke up. In a cold sweat. And guess what, I wasn't smiling again.

Fucking nightmare.