BitterSweet Kanye

man's a poetic genius



Damn embedding is fun as fuck.

The Noose

this just saves the effort of cutting and pasting the lyrics.

Just think of recovering alcoholics and people with holier than thou attitudes when you listen and read the lyrics.

Jam Bumi

So I decided to be one of the sheep and off my lights during earth hour. It was fun to say the least. Sans the stubbing on toes and the sudden realization that im totally fucked in the dark. Here's a pic of the event




















cool right?

Kanye West/All falls down/ Embeding testing

Say what you will about Kanye West. People react to him in extremes of love and hate. Descriptions such as lyrical genius to arrogant bastard are all used interchangeably when talking about the man. But honestly, I am a fan of Kanye. Man just writes the greatest lyrics. Something we all can relate to, regardless of race, nationality or social status. I remember the song that made me a fan was "All falls down." Indulge me by allowing me to share it with you. with lyrics of course to follow.



yes, ju has learnt to post video's on his blog.

All Falls Down
Kanye West featuring Sylena Johnson
[Chorus - 4x]
Oh when it all, it all falls down
I'm telling you ohh, it all falls down

Man I promise, she's so self conscious
She has no idea what she's doing in college
That major that she majored in don't make no money
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny
Now, tell me that ain't insecurrre
The concept of school seems so securrre
Sophmore three yearrrs aint picked a careerrr
She like fuck it, I'll just stay down herre and do hair
Cause that's enough money to buy her a few pairs of new Airs
Cause her baby daddy don't really care
She's so precious with the peer pressure
Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexus (a Lexus)
She had hair so long that it looked like weave
Then she cut it all off now she look like Eve
And she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe
Single black female addicted to retail and well

Oh when it all, it all falls down
I'm telling you ohh, it all falls down

Man I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you always see me with at least one of my watches
Rollies and Pasha's done drove me crazy
I can't even pronounce nothing, pass that versace!
Then I spent 400 bucks on this
Just to be like nigga you ain't up on this!
And I can't even go to the grocery store
Without some ones thats clean and a shirt with a team
It seems we living the american dream
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings
We shine because they hate us, floss cause they degrade us
We trying to buy back our 40 acres
And for that paper, look how low we a'stoop
Even if you in a Benz, you still a nigga in a coop

Oh when it all, it all falls down
I'm telling you ohh, it all falls down

I say fuck the police, thats how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We'll buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need em
Things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shortys hollering "where the ballas' at?"
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that
But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it

[Chorus - to fade (w/ Kanye ad-libs)]

you will, my astute readers, have noticed that some parts of the lyrics are in bold. Its because those are the verses that appealed to me most.
The first verse about the girl who dropped of college, reminds me o f a girl i know and the insecurities and peer pressure that she, and im sure all of us at one time or another experienced.

The second verse of course being about what i had already observed in so many people when money is involved. You lose your identity is what happens, being so caught up in the rat race. And the part about getting back 40 acres, it transcends the black rights to reparations to all those around the world who just want what was promised to them fairly.

The third verse, again about money and material wealth, and how it changes people and their perceptions. And the last three lines, its just like looking into the mirror. and of course, the title, when in all falls down.. whats going to happen? Mr Kanye West leaves that to you, the listener, to make your own conclusions.

This post was as much about trying to embed a video as it was trying to share and analyze lyrics with you. Bur thanks for reading anyway.

The Friendzone/ Posturing and Passive Aggressiveness

You know, my love life is like my pool playing. I have a few great opening shots but when it comes to the end game i fuck up big time. Yes, the imagery of hitting balls into holes with a long stick does not escape my observation as well. It all comes back to the friend zone thing that I have referred to countless times. I do all the right things that a girl wants to see in a man, but by some twisted mindfuck girls delude themselves into thinking, wait a minute, a perfect guy can't exist. Ergo, he must be a really good friend because only a really good male friend wouldnt take advantage of me and only a good male friend could be so nice to me without ulterior motives. And thats where i slot in. Im always the potential stalker turned good friend in the end. Not that this is a craigslist ad, but i do find myself being a good listener, a gentleman, and im occasionally gut wrenchingly funny. I stress the words "occasionally". And please feel free to comment on those "qualities" or lack of it. This comment is of course only open to people I've dated or attempted to do so, and since more than half of those girls hate (or through a series of fucked up events, mostly on my part, will hate) my guts, im expecting zero comments. So once i pot in those shots which could make efren reyes or alex pagulayan my bitch, i proceed to entrench myself deep into the friend zone. And as we all know, the sitcom of said same named zone is utter cock because friends can never ever get together in real life . The whole Rachael-Ross saga was a good run until the end where the writers basically copped the fuck out to give everyone that ridiculously false feel good feeling. Reality, my friends, is a motherfucker. I should know. I did a dissertation on it in Life 101. It was entitled "posturing and passive aggressiveness. How girls mindfuck themselves when it comes to relationships"

On that same note, since most girls have that perennial feeling of no guy can be that good unless he's my friend, i have come to the conclusion that most girls want to be with someone fucked up. Unintentionally or not, i leave it open to debate. But if you answered in the latter, you have some serious inferiority complexes and issues to deal with Rhianna. Thats the term im going to use from now on to refer to these confused females who deliberately get into harmful relationships because of some deep seated psychological problem. But of course im being condescending. I've been through harmful relationships myself. But it the fact that i learn from these incidents that allows me the right to be condescending. At least in my own personal rant-o-log anyway.

Me and Megaman are officially over. As in over attempting to recreate old feelings in new experiences anyway. As in i will still be single and she most decidedly will not be. I kinda thought so from the start anyway. Which is why im not as deeply psychologically scarred again. It hurts, but it hurts like a stubbed toe. It'll go away eventually. More in the short term effect anyway. Benefits of being a realist and not becoming too emotionally vested in something which you know will in all likelihood fail anyway but you give it a go because of sentimental value. Sentimental value means squat in the world now anyway. The world is a harsh and cruel mistress that indulges in SadoMasochism. All for the price of your innocence and sanity. Counterstrike on the other hand... she's Blanche DuBois personified. Im a little bit to lazy to go into details, plus i dont want to be sued for defamation, but i am alluding to the fact that her character fits perfectly into that of Blanche. Read a Streetcar named Desire if you want to know ed zachery what im talking about.

So, in closing, fuck all the posturing and all the passive aggressive bullshit.

Click below

http://www.projectmalaysia.org/2009/03/malaysia-and-governance-a-historical-perspective/

This almost makes up for all the bad shit in life. Almost.

2009 #3/ revisiting the old well

Relationships are really complicated machinations and devices of the human heart. That goes without saying. I should know. or rather, more accurately, based on my one experience which totally scarred me to the brink of insanity, I think i should know. But that's the whole problem isn't it? I don't know. My first love turned out to be the be all and end all of what i know about love. And honestly, if you know me at all, its a rather bleak assessment. I mean most first loves dont last, but from what i've seen, they dont end with you breaking everything within sight, bloodying your hands from punching the wall and self scarification. It was the first time i called my dad and confided in him something so personal. See, my father hasnt lived in the same roof as me since i was 11 and we didnt have this father- son- you- can- talk- to- me- about- anything bond since then. I keep my thoughts to myself mostly. So you can imagine how much that incident fucked me up till the extent i had to call my father. Because honestly, i had no one else to turn to at the time who could have shown me unconditional love but my father. Since then, I would like to say that I have matured a little more. No more breaking things, intentionally anyway. No more bloodying hands unless if its during cricket or helping with a DIY project. And no more self scarification. I have my degree now, and im part of the work force. My life is pretty much on track except for a few minor setbacks such as a tv with busted speakers, a bad smoking habit, a slight phobia of driving in busy streets and could- do- better financial status. Oh, and the fact that im just utterly fucking confused about the women in my life(the-platonic-looking-towards-a- relationship women), namely for M and CS. No, you dumb shit, im not talking about Megaman or Counter Strike.

Recently, as you're all aware, I have begun to my quest to woo the fair maiden CS from her Ivory tower of Self Isolation. My efforts so far have been hampered by her unwillingness to be more open to my advancements to move beyond the friend zone and, in all honesty, its getting a little bit exasperating. Unreadable intentions are merely the tip of the iceberg with this one folks. More recently however, I have managed to rekindle relations with M as well. Remember that whole story about first love ending in bloody fists and broken furniture and all that good stuff? Yeah, meet the cause of all it. I shan't go into further detail as i already have in the past and its still a little bit too painful to be revisiting old scars to be honest. Strangely enough, i still find that, even after all the pain she caused, mentally as well as physically self caused due to mental instabilities, we are actually quite good friends. The comfort level is amazing, and its one i wish i could have shared with past attempts at love. And therein lies the root of this confusion. I have honestly wanted to close the chapter with M, which explains why i pursued every new attempt with a gusto unseen that it might come off as trying too hard. Well, guess what sister? I fucking was. Obviously it doesn't work and you know, after being single for so long you just get to the same fucking routine of flower picking. Is she the one, Is she not the one. Is she the one, Is she not the one. Im still single and i dread this feeling of being alone and being unable to share my joys, what little of it there is, with a significant other. And to confound this conundrum i did a Chasing Amy with M the other day, without the eventual getting together and discussions of finger cuffing. Which again, makes me wonder if my feelings for CS are really as strong as i thought it was. Could it be she is again a victim of the ChapterClosing syndrome? Could it be that im just a really lonely person and couldnt help myself? Could it be that despite everything i just want that comfort level again even though it earns me scorn and rejection from others dear to me? Could it be that they're making a live action movie of the comic Green Lantern? Ok, the last question wasn't really that relevant to the current issue. The fact is, im just very confused right now.

I want old comforts in a new experience and new comforts with old experiences. But pursuing both just fucking sucks because the end product of rejection from both is something i dont think i can handle and the days of bloody hands and broken inanimate objects might resurface again. No.. not something i want at all

You know, im just so bloody sorry i cant talk about issues that are more serious thats affecting the world like Israel and Gaza or the economic crisis. Unlike the currently discussed problems, those are situations i cant do shit about so why the fuck should i give my two cents when there are more "qualified" people who have already given theirs for top dollar? And yes, im happy, thank you very fucking much, except i seem to have this problem with women so if you dont mind letting me get back to my perfectly imperfect world and you just go back to your perfect little made up plastic world where everything was given to you because you were just so fucking blessed with everything while i got the shit end of things because, i dont know, maybe God thinks you're better than me, or its just because daddy was always there for you or you know you're just so fucking good looking that you get chicks/dudes left and right while my chicks are my left and right.......... we're going to get along just fine.

allworkandnolovemakejuadullboy allworkandnoplaymakejuadullboy allworkandnolovemakejuadullboy allworkandnoplaymakejuadullboy
allworkandnolovemakejuadullboy allworkandnoplaymakejuadullboy

sorry, that was my homage to the shining. brilliant show that one....

and yes i deliberately made this post long so that people would be turned off by and and wont read it. Did it work?

Nigthmare #1 2009

It started out great. You finally got over your fear of me and my sins, and I got over my insecurities and cowardice. The question was asked offhandedly and you said yes, in a restaurant with a forgettable name and forgettable food, but with an underlying layer of hope and love. For the first time in a long time I smiled, smiled sincerely, smiled contently, I just smiled for no other reason other than the fact that you wanted to share your life with me. Its funny how the greatest joys in life are always in a whirlwind of the moment. It happens, but it happens so fast that if you blinked, you missed. Its so unlike the bitterness of scorn and rejection. They happen like a train wreck in slow motion. And they scar you for life while you try to comfort yourself with the fleeting moments of happiness that you had but just cant for the life of you seem to be recalled to be looked at and smiled upon like a photo of the past. The only thing I do remember is the softness of your hands and the warm feeling I get every time we touched, physically and emotionally. And most of all, I remembered the smiles. If the world was destroyed in a fiction worthy disaster, I wouldn't have changed a thing knowing that I had seen you smile. And you had made me smile. Then the scene of things begin to change. The softness is no longer there, and the warm feeling is now cold and unfeeling. You don't smile as much as you used to, if hardly ever anymore. You have a new friend now, someone you've deemed worthy to share your life with. I have been usurped. I have been robbed. I have been vilified. I no longer have you. And you want nothing to do with me. Even your friend is so well liked while I'm and loathed and hated. I don't know how it happened. Worse, I don't know why it happened. And the worst part of it all, I don't smile anymore.

And that's when I woke up. In a cold sweat. And guess what, I wasn't smiling again.

Fucking nightmare.

2009 #2

writing this fast so please dont mind the spelling and grammar errors.

life has been good but it could get better. im officially part of the work force, things are better with father and progress with CS has be going well or so i hope it is. i still get the feeling that she isint comfortable with me but that could be just a general thing because every girl i've ever gone for has turned out lesbian or hating me , whichever comes first, so you will forgive me for my premature assumption and misread intentions as this is shaky territory for me and i feel like the lone unassuming swimmer and love is the shark. Also, i wish to move out of the friend zone of which i have deeply entrenched myself in since the book incident. this is not helped by the fact that the realities of the working world allow one no social life and whatever sparse time she is free, she has other people and events and to entertain. which again pricks up my inate sense of low self esteem and paranoia. all seems now well however, so yes, i am content. i.e. i could feel happier but im alright the way i am now.

later.

2009 #1

as you, my intellectually gifted and observant readers, can tell, its the first entry(read rant) of the year 2009 Anni Domini. First order of the agenda(read random rant) is the fact that no, I have not changed my outlook on life, i.e. i think its still a fucking shit hole and i question my parent's motives in consummating their marriage for the second time and thus "creating" me. I think its part of the karmic punishment for being a cruel bastard in my past life but that's just my opinion anyway. The rationale behind such cynical and not too optimistic beliefs and outlooks is the fact that, even after pursuing a professional degree i still find myself jobless which ergo shows me what the world really thinks I'm worth, that is, in short, jack shit. and that, since 12:00 am January 1st 2009 its been 4 fucking years since I've been in a relationship, let alone had sex. Yes I still believe it is the be all and end all of my life and fuck you for saying its not because you get it on a regular basis or lead a very non exciting(read non sexual active) life(which you're quite content with *coughfaggotcough*). So yes, since 2005 circa being dumped because I'm, of all things, not a girl, i still maintain that the world is a shitty place. and while we're on this round of giving out fuck yous, i did like to give an especially angsty and venomous one to the fuckers who fucked up the world economy. FUCK YOU.

in other news here on ju-rants news network (JRNN for you acronym lovers) I dint understand why everyone is protesting Israel bombing the shit out of Gaza. Don't get me wrong, I, like every sheep, i mean everyone else, am into that whole UN we're citizens of the world love peace and harmony nonsensical and idealistic crap and of course I think Israel should be slapped on their little bumbum and told not to bomb the crap out of Gaza(again) but what I do not buy into is this demonstration/protest crap. If the fucking UN cant get Israel to stop dropping the bombs do you think the Zionist will give a crap and listen to some common street protester shouting catchy mob chants and carrying glittered up banners saying how much you love Palestine and waving Palestinian flags and fucking blocking up the streets? Lets face reality, they don't give a fuck. Where were all these protests and all this outpouring of empathy when the Palestinians were launching Quassam rockets into Israel? Where was all this brotherly love when your own citizens were being persecuted and jailed just for telling the truth and demanding justice? Where is all this furious and righteous anger when Africans are dying and facing genocide and starvation? Where was all this sympathy when 2000 innocent Americans died in a terrorist attack? Where were your flags and your banners when the suicide bombers killed dozens of Israelis commuting to their workplace in a bus? I don't fucking claim to be anti Islamic, Semitic, Christian or otherwise, I agree, what Israel is doing now is wrong, but I don't happen to protest "selective" and "hot topic" issues and events just because its on the news and the Shepards herd their sheep and tell them its right to do so either.

moving on to interpersonal relationships, Ms CS is, enigmatic to say the least. Oh how you do attract me with your perceived innocence and purity yet how you repel me at the same time with the unsaid loathing and avoidance like the plague. I'm tired of paying for my past sins. why cant you just see that i have nothing but best intentions and sincere feelings for you, or have the shrouds of my past sins blinded you so much from the truth of the situation like all my other failed attempts at human connection? If hell is what awaits me, then i truly have no fear of whats to come. Just, for once, take my hand, trust me, and stay.

Hell, that imaginary paradox of that other imaginary place called heaven. It reminds me of a quote, with which i will leave you with on this the 2nd day of the year 2009, on a most sombre and once again angsty note. but then again, you already knew all that when you visited this blog didn't you?

Faustus: Where are you damned?

Mephastophilis: In Hell

F:How comes it then that thou art out of hell?

M:Why, this is hell, nor am I out of it. Think'st thou that I, who saw the face of God, and tasted the eternal joys of heaven, am not tormented with ten thousand hells in being deprived of everlasting bliss? O Faustus, leave these frivolous demands, which strike a terror to my fainting soul.

Scene 3, Dr Faustus by Christopher Marlowe.

Love English Lit. Hate life. For now. Speaking monotonously. Like Neanderthal. Hurrrrr. Heh.
*Writer has become temporarily insane from lack of sleep, or pussy, or both.