Hello, I love you

I wont lie. There are just certain days where I feel like killing myself. Some days where I question my existence and purpose in life. Here or back home, there just those days you know? I find that i’m experiencing those days ever so often now in recent times. Yes I know, I generally have that semi happy don’t give a shit nothing can phase me look on my face most of the time, and yeah, mostly I do, but sometimes, some days, its honestly gets the better of me and I descend into a mire of melancholy and misapplied logic to life in general, love specifically. But you, you, my dear, dear sweet woman to be saved,*CORNY ALERT* It turns out you were my saviour all along. When we talk, which is rare and infrequent but an occurrence nonetheless, you just take it all away. The doubts, the worries, the insecurities, the loneliness (well, you kinda share that duty with Tupps, he comes online more than you). You give me, something; I don’t know what it is exactly. Belief? A pinch of hope which hopefully isn’t leading me down to the familiar road of the big let down? I did tell myself to be cautious and tread lightly, but with you, it can’t be helped. It must be helped for fear of relapsing into depression. Anyway, you just, make me smile. You make me happy. You keep the darkness away and the skeletons in the closet with brilliant radiance. I want to say you complete me but I shall refrain from doing so for fear of a corny bashing and Joyce vomiting blood again, if she hasn’t already. I know not whether this a random attack of fondness which is unfounded or a genuine outpouring of emotions, it cant be said to be mutual because of the separation through the years. Whatever it might eventually be discovered to be, thank you. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, thank you so very much.

Thank you as well Tupps. Your random questions are slowly becoming very disturbing… but thank you for keeping me sane in this time of boredom and depression and social isolation. Sometimes it sucks to be a wallflower kan? But it sometimes has its uses as well. This time im afraid it’s the former. Mayhaps a temporary status quo? All shall be resolved in the coming days. The prodigal son will return.

I don’t know what the fuck that was all about but meh(shrugs in words), its 7 am in the morning and I haven’t had any sleep yet. Nor will I anytime soon.

Finally, this song is an ode to all the ladies walking down the street and looking fine… and of course it could be to specific ladies in my life.. so .without further ado.. Mr. Jim Morrison ,if you will;

The Doors
Hello, I love you
Waiting for the sun

Hello,
I love you
Won't you tell me your name
Hello
I love you
Let me jump in your game

She's walkin' down the street
Blind to every eye she meets
Do you think you'll be the guy
To make the queen of the angels sigh

Hello,
I love you
Won't you tell me your name
Hello
I love you
Let me jump in your game

She holds her head so high
Like a statue in the sky
Her arms are wicked and her legs are long
When she moves my brain screams out this song

Hello,
I love you
Won't you tell me your name
Hello
I love you
Let me jump in your game

Sidewalk crouches at her feet
Like a dog that begs for somethin' sweet
Do you hope to make her see, you fool
Do you hope to pluck this dusky jewel


Music therapy is the best.

Your ever sleep deprived and bored but sincere scribe,
Ju.

Thank you. I like that word. I like thanking people. Its polite and people get a warm fuzzy feeling of having done something nice.

Because i can redux

feeling really uninspired to blog now. The only thing that sustains me, in this time of absolute boredom coupled with social isolation while awaiting for the departure date leaves one melancholic and questioning simple principles and making them too complex in the end. Music sustains me along with conversations with Tupps and nicotine and instant noodles. Anyway, the only thing which i can look to with a smile in the weeks since the last post was the re-establishment of communication with the one to be saved. The ice of the long years apart begin to melt and a slow process of rebuilding broken bridges begins. Damn english lit for making us pomp and melodramatic with our words, actions and thoughts. Anyway, i'll take the posting-a-song-lyrics-route here since i dont really have anything else to say. This song here, i finally get it and see the personal connection to my current situation in regards to saving a certain someone. I'll let Michelle Branch do the talking from this point on.

Michelle Branch
All you wanted
The Spirit Room

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you and I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone to show you the way
So I took your hand
And we figured out that when the time comes I'd take you away

If you want to I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly so hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me so I can finally see where you go when you're gone

If you want to I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there

If you want to I can save you
I can take you away from here(I can take you away)
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me so I can finally see where you go when you're gone



yeah, if you would care to do the analysis here please. it a bit straightforward this one.