Friday, April 21, 2006

condom rhymes with random

i realized that most of my recent posts have this pre-meditated feel to it. like as if its contents are something that i've been putting a lot of thought into. and i feel personally that my writing has suffered as a result of this pre-meditiveness. hence, randomness shall return and any and all thoughts that enters my mind shall be tabulated onto this new tabula rasa. starting now

radio stations that play fucking pop all the time is the sworn enemy of the last true individuals. the shit they play on the radio now is suicide. and the bands... simple plan, the click five(ugh), linkin fucking park. what are you doing to the youths of today? everything is so....tragicomedic. ands its always about boy meets girl, girl trifles with boys heart, boy decides to write song to tell her how he really feels about her which would either be : a) i love you so much but its so sad that you dont see it, or b) i hate you, i shouldnt have wasted time on you and im moving on but i just have to sing this song to you so that you'll regret losing a great guy like me. blech. whatever happen to being righteously angry? what happen to all the songs about the injustice being suffered around the world? Palestine, Iraq, the entire fucking African continent? whatever happen to awareness songs? i mean true, no one wants to feel sad and depressed at the state of affairs of the world right now which is thoroughly shittier than shit, but come on, songs about breakups/ getting a girl? true, the bible does state that we should all go forth and multiply, but fuck...arent we overdoing it? the spreading of love and happy gummy gum drops false insecurity? yeah got talent....five fucking chords and teeny booper looks and you're set. i mean, is this what you really want your kids listening to? wouldnt u rather they had a good dose of reality and listened to some good ol' rage who tells it like it is? or how about some righteous anger from sepultura? fuck...even indie rock sounds good right about now. here comes the part where i have to say that im generalizing about a majority of bands and there are a few good ones out there who i do genuinely respect and are happy that they are doing mainstream so it can help them settle their bills and put food on the table. yeah, they are reaching the masses but then they are sending out the right kind of message, though what you construe it to be may be at your hazard but you sure as hell not going to find click fucking five's "catch a fucking wave" so fucking meaningful. im sorry for the general biasness, but i just hate fucking click five. not the band as individuals, but what they stand for and what they are trying to convey to the current and future youth. this is your seeds of discontent that you have sown corporate world.. and sooner or later you're gonna reap it with a bloody harvest.

im sure that going to very likely or unlikely cause some ppl to frown and say, oh god you're just so disconnected from the world or why dont you write happy always write sad things and bla bla bla idiotic babble from ppl who dont really know me or thought they knew me but were sadly mistaken. look, i appreciate your genuine or false concern for my happiness, but really, i dont feel the need to be all sugary and false right now. i feel a large discontentment in my life and there's nothing you can do about it. so please. thank you and fuck you at the same time. you are sincerely, on my part, appreciated for your concern. and please, cussing is a freedom of expression. and you have the freedom of choice to fuck off if u dont like me. and to the penile growth genuinely happy with the size of my dick now and i dont feel the need to kill myself if it dosent get any bigger. you on the other hand need to kill yourself for posting and advertisement on a comment section on the blog. seriously, 9 out of 10 suffer slow and painful cancerous death from stupidity. if u did like i can help you with your euthanism. very willing and able to at least wipe out a certain defect in human evolution such your kind self.

on that same vein, humanity has gone to hell. to quote someone, to yearn is to abuse your God given free will. Hence we have wars, rapes, incest, murder and the general dehumanization of our species. but then again, God in his infinite wisdom has created the perfect filter system. the good and the bad. but then there was a flaw in this.... one man's terrorist is another mans freedom fighter. humaniy has evolutionized to such a perfect state where the lines between good and evil have been totally blurred. we think murderers should be shot and hanged or at least locked up away for good. see the irony. we despise the killing of our own kind and yet we kill one of our own. and war? its the biggest irony of all. bloodshed for harmony. bullets for roses. bombs for safety. chaos for order. you get the general picture. we fucked up big time. but look at the bright side.. at least you arent a fucking robot without any feelings, passions or...dare i say...hopes and dreams. yeah..its all intangible... but at least im not a robotic automaton...yet.

check out these bands for a good dose of non radio friendliness and comformity... Ramallah, Mastadon, Arcade Fire, The Decemberist, Band of Horses and hey...a little Pavement never hurt.

there...that wasnt so bad was it? a good dose of angst and random thought. please feel free to add another penile enhancement into my comments. i could always count on your intellect for some laughter.

Sunday, April 09, 2006


the convulsions keep getting more violent with every passing cough. my joints hurt and my fever is getting worse everyday. my lungs are just just so much phlegm. that lingering lethargic feeling. and all of this...all this suffering so i can quit smoking. withdrawal is a bitch. my bad i guess... i tried to be a hero and do the whole mind over matter bullshit by doing it cold turkey. honestly, someone who smokes 40 a day does that, its called suicide. fuck the power of the mind .. its my body thats suffering now. and i dont care if u could do it or u have more willpower than not you. thanks for the support at least. so...status report.. i cant do cold turkey but i'll try to cut down. now its about 10 per day...and its lights no less. but withdrawal still keeps coming..but then i guess the adage of no pain no gain really applies here huh? head.
so why the decision to stop(or at least attempt to)? quite broke and the chest pains are getting a tad bit more uncomfortable than i would like. plus..when im over in the uk, im not going to pay rm21 just for a pack of tens, so might as well get a head start on the quitting game. naysay me if u really dosent matter because mostly i couldnt give a fuck but also im determined...this time anyway.

law ball....was an experience to say the least. a bad one. most of you already know about the dance floor incident so i shant repeat myself. all i can say is, you've sunk to a new low, which makes you even more ironically attractive. its that whole forbidden fruit/ love to hate hate to love syndrome. this is a new chapter in the mystery that is you. its makes for good reading and i cant wait to see what the next chapter brings. hopefully we're getting to the end. it has to..
the rest of you...its easy to look from the outside and so flippantly dismiss this and that and give your all knowing condescendance on me.. and i have different experiences, different ways of seeing things, different ways of moving on(or in some cases...clinging on). but then're forgetting a very important not you.

i think thats what i was trying to drive home. comparisons. how can we always compare ourselves to someone else? must we? do we? the subconscious answer is yes. secretly we just want to be that someone we perceive is everything we want to become. Segregated,because we wont admit it to ourselves. we want to be better than we currently are. no shame in that. only problem i see is why the comparisons. we're all special in our own way. if we need examples and guidelines then its all right to compare. but when comparison brings about self doubt and the reduction of self esteem...then fuck it. whatever it is...we are who we are. perfection dosent need clones. only self choice and self determination.

i entries are getting shorter and losing losing my spark....