Saturday, January 29, 2011

Chesty Coughs/ Not a hipster

So I just had some "strong" cough syrup for my apparent "viral infection" of the throat. Antihistamines, as you may or may not know, has the side effect of making one drowsy. In my case, it makes me dopey, akin to being a little bit drunk sans the alcohol and the ritual like realization that hey, I'm not getting laid tonight again. So... im going to talk to you Ms Teen Cristine.

I can't fucking believe you went back to your woman beating, paranoid, compulsive, controlling douchebag boyfriend. I mean, were pickings really that slim? Could you really not find anyone else? Like me? Oh wait, I forgot, you think I'm creepy. What with my book purchasing and repeated attempts to at least have some social interaction with you which invariably leads to you calling your friend to come along on the pretense(to her anyway) that its some jolly youthful group outing instead of my original intention of spending some personal one-on-one time getting to know you better since, well, that was your original reason for not going out with me isn't it? I don't know you that well. Well sorry, but I seem to think that 9 years of "not knowing me" should fucking account for something. Let me tell you one thing though, I never have and never will beat a woman. Stick that in your fucking dysfunctional relationship pipe and smoke it, you passive aggressive bitch. Eh, don't worry about it. She doesn't even know this blog exists. And even if she did, its not like its going to change the status quo one way or another.

10 minutes: Eyelids seem somehow a little heavier. Am very much conscious and fully aware of my actions. Dear Sirs and/or Madams, I humbly request that I be allowed to hand in my submission on reasons why I am not a hipster nor have I ever claimed to be one, contrarian as my personality may be.

1) I'm fat. You don't see fat hipsters because, ironically, being fat isn't hipster enough. Really, think about. Have you ever seen a fat hipster? Everyone's very much thin from the refusal to harm mother earth by using petroleum based fuel. Or eat non-organic food which has been scientifically proven to not be any much different from organic food. Plus I think reading Charles Bukowski puts a strain on one mentally and physically.

2) Yes, I do like Indie bands. I do admit that out of the top 25 most played songs on my ipod, 10 are indie bands. But what I fail to mention is I have a lot of mainstream songs in there as well. Except Taylor Swift, that Hilary Duff, The Simpson sisters, Paris Hilton. I mean, something along those veins. Yes, I am very much aware that I cannot carry a tune to save my life, much less have delusions of grandeur to an unrealized fantasy of being a rock star dead at 30 from too much cocaine and alcohol and what I also assume, since Im somewhat famous now, Sexually Transmitted Diseases. I however, am able to live with that fact. Are they? And just to prove that I'm not misogynistic, fuck Justin Bieber. I told you people named Justin are evil... Anyway, off tangentially fun as that was, yeah, I like good music. Indie or otherwise.

3) Much of my literature consists of fantasy and sci fi novels, along with a ton of mainstream comics, with the exception of Hellblazer. I do not have a single Charles Bukowski poem book nor do I have the unabridged version of the Satanic Verses. I admit I do have a Che Guevara biography but I hardly think reading a book about a revolutionary makes one a hipster, much less a revolutionary. Hell, the only revolution I would start is the advocacy of getting my dick some much needed vaginal contact.

4) I do not know how Pabsts Blue Ribbon tastes like. I like my beer commercial. Like Carlsberg and Tiger. And no, we do not have any local brands to support seeing as we live in Muslim state in all but name.

5) I don't know what hipster fashion is. Seriously. I don't. Does it entail a lot of mix and match, stockings, trench coats and shirts with ironic sayings on top of a fishnet vest? Granted, I do have a few t-shirts with funny sayings on it. But I thought they were funny, not ironic. Though I suppose with the mirthless and sardonic humour American television has taught us, its all one in the same isn't i?. As long as it gets a reaction. Right, William Shatner?

6) I have a blog. How anti hipster is that?

Therefore, to conclude, Ladies and Gentlemen, Im not a fucking hipster.

20 minutes in: Chesty Phlegmy cough is still present. I guess having that cigarette 2 minutes back wasn't the best of ideas.. And I've run out of ideas seeing as my head seems to be spinning a little bit and I seem to be breathing through my mouth a lot. Is that how the term came about? Mouth Breather? But I'm only doing it because my nose is blocked you pretentious potential sex offender. I hope you get splinters raping a table.

Speaking of which, what exactly is a coffee table book? Is it like a big bowl of candy for guests to help themselves too while waiting for you and the missus who have sneak off to have some quickie sex which will eventually led to conception of Matthaeus, the inhaler totting, horn rimmed glasses wearing, suspender wearing, mouth breathing, glandular problem son/daughter? Anyway yes... its a time waster to help make wasting other people's time easier on the conscience, if you have one. And I suppose it makes one look all "intellectual", you and your pictorial of Shih Tzus and Rustic Kitchen Designs 2011.

EDIT: this post was written on 29/1/2011 but is only being published on 7/9/2011.

EDIT 2: I don't hate Ms Teen Cristine anymore but I still maintain that getting back together with her woman beating boyfriend was a very unwise decision on her part, to say the least.

EDIT 3: I obviously didn't die from that viral infection you smartass.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

reduxi ceklikan pantas

Ok, so the rapid flick got a lot of visitors to this site who were sadly mistaken into thinking it was a porn site. No sirs and/or madams, this is, unfortunately, not a porn site, amateur or gonzo or otherwise.

If you must know, I've finally discovered where I got the rapid flick reference from. Its from the webcomic LeastICouldDo. This panel specifically. Its a funny webcomic. Go read it. Along with Questionable Content and CtrlAltDel. DrMcNinja and Wondermark arent too bad either.

Again, in regards to the rapid flick, in case I wasn't being clear, I meant it in reference to fellatio. And I imagine that word may or may not get another couple of hundred hits from the many, many perverts out there who loves free porn from blogspot as much as I do.

Special shoutout to visitors from Bulgaria, Hungary, Saudi Arabia, Israel, Slovakia, Brazil and the Faeroe Islands. And also to visitors from Fuquay Varina in North Carolina, US. That has got to be best sounding town/city name I've ever heard.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

That dream again or Saying yes to the rapid flick

Hey you. Ms CounterStrike. Why is it every time I dream about you, we always end up fucking? You have not entered my thoughts since my very much voluntary annexation of my mind from your existence. So why do you have to sashay your hot ass back into my dreams all Inception like minus the blaring trumpets and inverted worlds but with the added goddamnyourbodyishotasfuck-ness? Get out of my head.

No, I'm not obsessed. If I was I would be getting all David Carradine on myself in my car outside your house. But I don't. Because a) im not into getting off on self asphyxiation and b) I don't know where you live, though you know where I live.. which invariably puts the stalker ball into your court.

And another thing. Besides the awesome mind blowing Inception-doesn't-have-shit-on-this dream sex, you are somehow... infinitely smarter somehow. Now, I'm not saying we discuss the String theory in particle physics or an in-depth analysis of the current impact of rising oil prices from a socio-political standpoint, but you are.. more enlightened. Somehow. Plus the way you hold that cigarette is pretty damn sexy...

Now, I'm sorry to keep going back to the sex thing, but quite frankly, I would think that would be all that we would have in common should we commingle and "go out". Fine, I'll give you the benefit of a doubt that you are of the same intellectual plane as I am (and that's not saying much). But from the few and far in between chance social encounters that we have had, well... We're not going to watch Fraiser together anytime soon.

And you're not shy. You just choose to be whenever you're around me. Please girl, I'm not Frankenstien's monster. Yes, the many acne scars and the way I tend to frown a lot may lend some credence to the rumour that I do in fact David Carradine myself in the car in front of your house and practice self flagellation without being sanctioned by Opus Dei, but I can assure you, I'm alright, if not socially adept with members of your sex, at times.

Yes, I am in fact a fan of the rapid flick and suck. Not the slow circular motions. I don't know how that came about but that was in the dream. You, madam, have skills.

Ok but seriously, as much as you tend to rock my dream self's world, you need to stop that. Because reality self finds the after effects of saying "it's just a dream" particularly disheartening.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


As you know, I usually do the blog posts with music from my itunes playing. Since I'm bored, I'm going to blog about whatever song comes on since I've now set it to "shuffle mode".

1) Right in Two by Tool
Excellent song. Then again every song by Tool is good. If you like progressive rock that is. This song was actually introduced to me by Mr Antonis back in Bristol. I have to say, one of the most straightforward songs by Tool in general. Its all about us humans, selfish fuckers as we are, from the point of view of the angels in the abrahamic vein( i,e jews, muslims, christians). We're referred to as monkeys fighting over every little thing even though there's enough to go around. With the advent of "reasoning" and "free will", we, very much like King Solomon tale, would solve disputes by cutting everything in two. Mine and yours. Unfortunately, i want what's yours as well. So yeah. A song about human behavior.

2)Warning by Incubus
Nice. Again another song that sometimes played through the soundtrack of my "formative years". Very,very straightforward meaning. Don't let life pass you by. Some even equate the song's subject matter as being Mother Nature, given the band's environmental views, which in this case means, stop fucking around with the earth. A warning of sorts, if you will. I particularly like the line "I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal".

3)Through the Iris by 10 years
Haven't heard this one in a while. If I remember correctly, this was through my metal/emo phase. My personal interpretation about this song is all about perception. Especially the way people view us, and vice verse, and life in general. Sometimes it's best if we could redefine perception. But all you get is the first impression. Simple right?

4)Speed of sound by Chris Bell
From Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist soundtrack. Which was brilliant. Along with the movie. It's not the best thing since gone with the wind, but its alright. For an indie song it has very a generic unrequited love theme going on. Synthesizers played alongside acoustic guitars along with those.. you know those instruments you hear at some beach resort in the caribbean that sounds like you're hitting a coconut/tortoise shell? The name escapes me. But anyway yeah. synthesizers, guitar and shell like instrument, you're indie sir.

5) Clubbed to Death by Rob Dougan
Im sure you all remember this song from the Matrix. The scene where Morpheus take Neo through the sim-matrix, bla bla bla, women in the red dress, bla bla bla holyfuckingshit its an agent scene? Yeah. No lyrics so I can't give you an interpretation. But I like the beat and the title. Syncs up nicely. Running from the person with the club, almost escaping, and then.. well.. getting clubbed to death. And its all green and grainy like in the matrix. Yeah. I have imagination.

6)Lonely by Akon
Yes. I do in have Akon in my playlist. I don't think this song needs an explanation right? No complex issues to be resolved. No hidden meanings. Just. yeah.

7)Oye Mi Canto by N.O.R.E featuring Nina Sky
Yes, I'm a tool. And i blame this song as being the main catalyst for the Latinization of pop music . La Bamba by Ritchie Valens doesn't count. Not that there's anything wrong with Latin music. It's got its own unique style. What I don't like is the fact that we have a lot of people who have no idea what the lyrics are saying since they dont speak Spanish, but claim songs by Daddy Yankee is their most favourtest song ever. I know its not a real word. Im just repeating whatever the masses say.

8) Give me a call by 311
Good ol' 311. This takes me back to HELP days, when i actually began to really appreciate music. This song comes under recommendation from Mr Yoong, Jonzi and Tupps. Thank you kind sirs for the great service that you have done this humble scribe. As to the song itself.. really, you can get the meaning of most songs just by looking at the name. Guy to girl : Call me, so we can arrange a venue and time for social interaction between the two of us, with a short term view of enjoying each other's temporary company and, depending on results of first said social interaction, a long term view to start a family unit.

9)Rap Superstar by Cypress Hill
Yeah. Cypress Hill. Skull and Bones was the first rap album I ever bought. Back when Shawn Fanning and Sean Parker were still trying to get laid before inventing napster and a free music(pirated) music environment under which I don't think anyone, in Malaysia anyway, has ever bought an album since. Not an expensive one anyway. The song essentially talks about the pitfalls of being a superstar. You know, the generic dealing with the fame, album execs, touring, etc etc etc. Goes to show, no matter what you do in life, you can't ever run away from stress. Somehow, earning millions makes it all better. Somehow.

10) Nobody move, nobody get hurt by We are Scientist
Remember them and this song? They actually came to Malaysia to play once. No. Of course you dont. That's what happens when you're a semi indie band with a semi successful single. I like them. With their irreverent lyrics and song titles. This song in particular talks using bodies. Just go for it. The last time I did that, I got a "I'll scream rape unless you remove your hands in the next 5 seconds" look. Nah, I didnt. I dont have the balls nor the lack of morals to even attempt such a thing.

11) Tomorrow by Silverchair
One of the few good bands to come out of Australia. Particularly like this song due to not light but not too heavy feel to it. Besides, it talks about class-ism. Rich vs Poor. Im a middle class bourgeois surviving on a meager income not yet amounting to 1.8k a month on a 10 hour a day job. So, yeah. I don't know where im going with this.

12) I aint the one by NWA
A very humorous and somewhat frank intellectual discussion about male-female relationship dynamics. In gangsta rap. Yup. That's it in a nutshell.

13)L'amour est un oiseau rebelle." ("Love is a rebellious bird) by Georges Bizet
Otherwise known as the Habanera aria in the opera Carmen. Performed by Maria Callas. Yes. I do have this and I'm not fucking around. It's one of the most famous aria everyone ever heard but not known. Im talking about this . I chose this specific video because the conductor looks and acts like me after one too many alcoholic beverages. The kicker starts at the 2:18 mark but i entreat you to watch the whole video. As to why I have this in my playlist, well, sometimes, I like to put on on a tuxedo with long shirt tails and top hat and and wear a monocle while sipping brandy in one hand and smoking a cigar in the other in a leather lounge chair while im at home.

14)Mahgeetah by My Morning Jacket
One of the best bands out there in my opinion. Mad man love on Yim Yames. or Jim James, if you prefer. Honestly, I don't know what this song is about. I venture a guess that its about his guitar. (Mah- GeeTah). Or some love affair on the side, something Malaysian have lovingly referred to as "side parking". Whatever it is, its still a good song. Nice rhythm, timing, the works.

15) Roots Bloody Roots by Sepultura
Wow, I havent heard this song in ages. Another remnant from my metal phase days. Sepultura was one of the first metals band i started getting into. You know, the band shirt and the whole "raagh SEPULTURA!!!!!" phase thing. One of their more commercially successful songs. Talks about not forgetting your roots. Like you know, if you're Chinese, it would be best if you could speak some chinese or celebrate the New Year in February.

16)Where is my mind by The Pixies
Remember the final scene in Fight Club? Yeah this is the song. The song propagates a life where one doesnt have to over think and over analyze everything in life. Instead, they suggest a trippy outlook on everything. Whether or not this is through medication or otherwise is left unsaid but inferred.

17)Lapdance by N.E.R.D
*Giggles like a schoolgirl. Ok no I didnt do that. But i did smile like an idiot when this came on. Im pretty sure all of you except the church going girl who secretly wants to rebel against institutional religion who reads this blog has heard of this song before. I don't think you need me to explain what its all about do you? Other than the socio-political subtext prevalent in the song.

18) The Trooper by Iron Maiden
Oh yes. Another remnant from the metal days. Second song I heard from them after Fear of the Dark. Good band. Again, very straight forward song about the experiences of a soldier. You know, war and stuff.

19)Hardknock Life by Jay-Z
So my rap phase began when I was 15. Jay-z was the first because, well, man was the best rapper in the world at the time. Especially with this song. You know what, I'm not going to do song meanings anymore for songs which are so straight forward. Hardknock life. You dont really need me to interpret that right? Unless your name ends with a Jr. or a Roman Numeral

20)Amerika by Rammstien
Hah. This band made me wish i spoke german. Till Lindemann, the band's front man, said that german was such a brutal sounding language and therefore perfect for metal. Im inclined to agree with the man. As to the song itself, from what i can gather from translated lyrics and the music video, it talks about the Americanization of the world at large. Mickey Mouse, Coca Cola, McD's Apple's Iphone, pad touch Igetit. Yup, we all live in Amerika.

And that ladies and gentleman concludes session one of what's on my itunes. Future sessions may or may not be transcribed depending on how morose or bored i feel.