Friday, December 30, 2011

I'm quite bored

Yeah. Like the title says. But you already knew that when I start writing an entry here. Perhaps all is not as contentful as it should or appears to be eh? And I know the source of this boredom/ discontent. Its the lack of female companionship at this stage in life. Let's face it. I'm 26. I got a good (hopefully long term), well paying job, good family, good friends and a roof over my head. But sometimes, sometimes the urge to just have that non platonic and somewhat sexy relationship is very strong.

I laugh it off and try to compartmentalize it as some silly biological urge to go forth and multiply. Or that I try to justify my singlehood as the last resistance to the the chains of marriage. But who am I kidding eh? I want a Mrs. Ju-Rants. Ok well, marriage is still a bit off at least until the cut off point of age 35, but you know, someone to share stuff with. From pizzas to how much time I spend with my friends. The whole shebang. Hell, I'm putting driving on the table here (those of you that know me know that driving is.. a problem). And I'll probably quit smoking. Probably. If it bothers you that much.

I guess that explains why a majority of the posts here are about the women I had affections for, namely Michelle, MsGoodGame, and Ms CounterStrike. Those three, despite the various infatuations I've had with several other girls of the week, are the ones I suppose have affected me the most. They are/were, the ones that got away. Speaking of which, I did this at work (on a really fucking slow day, so don't get your labour law panties in a bunch)

A very accurate meme of my love life even if I do say so myself. And yes, 9gag stole my soul. It will steal yours too.

And I can already here the whole "oh, falling in love isn't hard. You have to wait for the right one to come along" or "you have to put yourself out there". Ignoring the fact that both statements actually contradict each other, I have in fact tried to be normally adjusted to society given my sociopathic tendencies of staring intensely at people who catch my attention and copious amounts of smoking and frowning. I'm not angry about shit, I just frown when I'm thinking. Ergo, I think a lot. Sometimes about work but mostly dialogue I will never have with people I will never meet.

But yes, I try to meet girls out there. Strangely enough, the one's I'm interested in are always unavailable (i.e. they have a fucking boyfriend). And no, the fact that they are already committed to someone else is not the dealmaker for me to be interested in someone. That's just fucking sick. I just don't do well at closing the deal. And I'm incredibly shy and self conscious around everything I'm unfamiliar with. So... Vietnamese mail order brides?

Unrelated Anecdote : There this one time I was in Bristol having a drink in a bar with my Malaysian friend and his roommate and the roommate's girlfriend and girlfriend's friend. So we were all sitting outside at the table bench and the girls had to take their leave. So as they were getting up, the roommate's girlfriend, somehow, managed to flash us (the Malaysians) her panties. I did not snigger or laugh or be a creep about but politely looked away. To which she said (and you have to say this in your head with the most English-fied accent you can imagine), "Oh no, I've done gone an flashed my fanny to everyone".

Now, to my American culture influenced brain, I translated "fanny" to mean "ass/backside". And i think my perplexity was apparent on my face when my friend whispered to me in Malay, "Fanny kepada meraka bermakna pantat, bukan belakang mereka". A quiet smile was shared as I sipped my Stella.

So yeah, loneliness and boredom tends to produce shit entries like these sometimes. Harping about the same bloody issues over and over again.

Happy New Year by the way. I hope you get laid.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Selamat Hari Natal

Merry Christmas dear reader. I hope you got an Iphone4s and/or laid for Christmas. I did not get either but instead got somewhat drunk on beer at a German bar run by Myanmarese. And that's what the holiday's about. Materialism and inebriation on Jesus's birthday which is incidentally a continuation of pre-Christian pagan winter solstice celebration . Happy birthday Lord. Thus ends this year's Christmas message.

On another somewhat hilarious and/or shocking note, I have with me photographic evidence of Ms CounterStrike being a somewhat unbalanced and/or airheaded person which, in light of this evidence and further past transgressions, has me thinking , "what the hell did i fucking see in THAT?" I mean yeah, attractive body aside, there's no way in hell we could have sustained a theoretical relationship, aside from constant mind numbing sex. Call it high standards if you will, but no.. just... no.

For the uninitiated, Ms CounterStrike is currently dating her ex boyfriend of 9 years, Mr Danny. This is the very same boyfriend who, from very reliable sources, used to force himself on her and has even physically battered her on occasion. A regular fucking saint this one. I submit to you proof of the current folly that is their relationship ala facebook relationship status.

Clear so far? After the events mentioned above, I have deleted Ms CounterStrike from any social interaction but for the life of me she still remains a "friend" on the facebook of yours truly. This has afforded me the opportunity to provide "vigilant surveillance" on her well being in the hypothetical but real threat of her current boyfriend going Chris Brown on her. You may call it stalking, sir, but my altruistic intentions defeats all your legal and moral arguments. Furthermore, go fuck yourself, sir.

Coming back to tangent subject, I have recently found the following on her wall.

Wait for it......

N.B: I wanted to find something more interesting on the net, but 9gag was of no help and typing "funny + incest" leads to very very very very very very strange websites and pictures.....



Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Something that rhymes with Hiatus

Ok, so the last post was really bad. Wooden, monotonous, uninspired, Justin Bieber-like. No wait, that would mean that a lot of tweeners read this blog, and they are most certainly not my target audience. If you're 13-16 and reading this, GO AWAY. Go do your homework or destroy music or go hate on people not of your own race and/or sexual orientation. On a bus or tram if you like.

Back onto the tangent topic of half assed blogging (at least to my delusion of a high standard of blogging. Yeah. I know. I have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. And I know its sad to re-read my old blog posts.) I don't think I can make any excuses. In retrospect, I'm just not that bothered to blog, or indeed, blog well. Ju-Rants is no longer an outlet for me to express my frustrations and disappointments in life. I smoke and drink and shoot the shit with friends for that. Oh, and 9gag.

Come to think of it, I'm not really that frustrated and/or disappointed anymore. Nay, I feel that I am better able to cope with said frustrations/ disappointments better without having to resort to laying blame on everyone else but myself, or on myself in a hopelessly vicious cycle of self pity on display for all to see on the blog. Can't live like that really. Hence the redundancy of this blog and therefore the lack of entries since my annual Valentines Day rant.

Oh, life hasn't been rosy since that post. I resigned from a shitty job with a shitty pay and shittier work environment. Was unemployed for 7 months due to a lack of foresight of securing another job before resigning. And now here we are again. Employed with a better pay and somewhat better work environment. No, you may not know what I do because work is work and ranting is ranting.

What about the 7 months of "being in between jobs" you may ask. Absofuckinglutely nothing. Slept all day and watched movies and tv shows all night. Repeat endless cycle of pure boredom and intermittent episodes of Seth MacFarlane's animation lineup, Big Bang Theory, Breaking Bad, oh and the total lack of self esteem from the lack of employment. Some or all of you have been through that/will go through that so no need to regale you with tales of how I found it oh-so-bleak boo hoo whiny bitching about life etc etc. Or perhaps you're all big fans of schadenfreude. Well, no dice for you this time.

So you see, life is somewhat better. It does get better. If not, what's the fucking point right? I may or may not blog on here from time to time. As you've seen, I can take a really long sabatical from the blogsphere. Maybe if something interesting comes up or there is a blog worthy flash of epiphany. But Ju-Rants, what about your take on politics and all that smart people stuff (condescend much?) ? Well, you can go read about it yourself. Or watch PhillyD on youtube (sxephil). Why listen to one (somewhat angry and bias and not really that smart if you think about it) man's views? Get your own views.

Funny stuff. Funny stuff.. Heck I don't know eh. My materials are mostly one liners, situational, referential and throwaways. And did I forget to mention esoteric? And I don't meticulously write down a funny joke on my jokepad (gasps.. i actually typed that) and then later blog about it. Plus 9gag seems to "steal" my jokes before i can properly distribute it to the proper channels (friends and random hot girls).

On another note, Thank you Brazil. You've given us Aryton Senna, great football, Brazilian JuJitsu, great MMA fighters, Brazilian BBQ, the film City of God, the thong and hot women to ogle at. Keep up the good work. Obrigado.

You see what a struggle it is to blog anymore? I just dont have it in me anymore. Granted, this was written in a more timely manner than that last piece of shit post. But it still missing that pizazz from which I've come to expect from myself when blogging. Maybe I'm just a better blogger when I'm angry/drunk. Meh.

This year will mark the first year that less than 10 blog posts have been made by me. Do I get my cake and/or medal now?

Friday, February 11, 2011

Hari Valentine = omong kosong

Kata kasar Hari Valentine tahun ini akan disiarkan lebih awal dari jadwal kerana juru tulis anda yang begitu rendah hati terasa terlebih sinis atas fakta Ms CounterStrike telah jalin semula hubangan romantik dengan teman lelaki brengsek lamanya yang telah (dan kemungkinan besar) akan melakukan tindakan tercela tersebut dalam masa hadapan. Apa yang dia tengok di dalam brengsek itu, aku pun dah berputus asa nak dapat kefahaman. Lebih daripada menjadi cemburu, aku terasa sangat sedih dan bahkan bersimpati atas kembalian hubungan tersebut, yang hanya, dalam pendapat jujur saya, boleh berakhir dengan keburukan.

Selain daripada itu, biarkan saya usulkan sebab perasaan sinis saya terhadap Hari Valentine. Untuk mengutip kata kawan baik saya Seemat Yusof, Hari Valentine adalah hari istemawa hanya kepada kanak-kanak, orang belum matang, dan orang yang baru-baru menjalinkan hubungan romantik. Untuk orang biasa, seperti juru tulis blog ini, ia adalah hari yang lain. Akuilah, apakah coklat, kad atau bunga-bunga mawar akan membuat untuk mempastikan and mengeratkan hubungan anda dengan teman sempurna awak? Hari Valentine hanya direkakan oleh syarikat kad Hallmark untuk meningkatkan jualan pada tempoh yang biasanya jualan kad-kad dan benda dukungan mereka lambat. Dan, untuk kawan-kawan bijaksana yang menganngap Hari Valentine adalah rekaan daripade Geraja, tolonglah... buka mata dan mendapatkan pengetahuan and keilmuan.

Aku harap para pembaca blog aku memaafkan juru tulis rendah ini dalam kecubaan dia menulis kata kasar (rant) Hari Valentine tahun ini dalam bahasa melayu.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Rafael: Obrigado por seguir o meu blog

Part 1 (3/2/2011)
No, I don't speak Portuguese. I just wanted to welcome Rafael from from Belo Horizonte, Brazil, who has somehow found this here blog here worthy of being followed along with the other 7 of you.
Obrigado, Xiexie, nandhri, terima kasih and thanks for the support.

I wanted to write something about Chinese New Year this time around, seeing as it is that time of the year, but I chose not too seeing as this year's event of cultural and familial importance was sullied by my two asshole uncles. Thanks for spoiling the mood by threatening to "sort out" my aunt and potentially ensuring my dad gets suspended from practice. Good for nothing spineless ungrateful cowards. I'm ashamed to call you uncles. A pity we have to related by default.

Part 2 (6/2/2011)
I don't know why, but I feel a profound sense of loneliness for some reason. Yeah I know Yoke Leng's back with that dick. I know me and Michelle can't salvage anything from our relationship other than a platonic outcome. And I'm alright with all of that surprisingly. Yoke Leng's too much of an idiot and Michelle has proven that we work better as friends rather than lovers. But still the loneliness persists. Life could be somewhat better I'll admit. I'm being underpaid and overwork but who isn't these days? Said work has prevented me from pursuing more healthier pursuits such as the CMD and has thus brought about the unwanted side effect of being well.. fat. And the pimples persists like its 2001 all over again. I really don't know what will happen in 5 years to be honest, at which time I will turn 31 and the lack of having a significant other will undoubtedly become more overbearing than it already is now. I guess that's basically it. This sense of uncertainty about the future. And no one to actually tell me its going to be alright. As it is right now I can't even call anyone to just come and accompany me on this melancholic jaunt which I hope to remedy with some alcohol. Fuck it.

Part 3 (15/2/11)
Yeah. I found some time to write the annual V-day rant in malay. Somehow. With work being what it is, I'm surprised that I was even able to concentrate efforts towards a somewhat burdensome task. Yes, Its still about Yoke Leng. I've had an epiphany about why I feel the way I do. Rather than the overused and cliched "The one that got away" or the whole "wanting something you can't have" high road, I'm honestly just being petty. I never made a concentrated effort to actually get to know you better, or vice versa. I similarly did not give you my Initial Benefit Statement as to why you should at least come watch a movie with me which may or may not end up with me holding your hand since we're on what's colloquially called a "date".

I don't in fact know anything about you other than the random odd trivia which you casually revealed to me on the few occasions that we spoke. Like, for example, I know you do not like squid, or as the culinary savvy would say, calamari. I know you do not like nuts in your chocolate (and I have resisted the urge to turn that into a sexual innuendo which i am wont to do at times). I know you are afraid of the dark and sleep with the light on. I know your ultimate wish was to visit/live in Australia (which has ultimately been fulfilled thanks to your current/old bf which im assuming is loaded due to his hard and diligent work as a business development exec.). I know you're a hopeless romantic like me and that you read fantasy books as a form of escapism. I know your birthstone is a rose quartz. I know your birthday's on 6 June and that you're a Gemini. I know, you're just so afraid to be alone that you did rather settle than be faced with the possibility of facing the world alone. Yeah. I don't know anything about you at all.

I resolve to forget you by year's end. This charade that I've been playing at about how you should be with me when I don't do anything at all to make it so has to stop. I shall forget you and you shall fade. Yeah, the initial feelings of hurt from the fucking cliched unrequited love is still there obviously,but this too shall pass. Eventually. And listening to Scorpion's You and I is not fucking helping by the way.

The next part is about Malaysia and Malaysian Politics and Culture. Stop reading here if you are totally apathetic about the subject or just find that im too "wordy" and the wall of texts hurts your eyes.

On the subject of Valentines day, the pathetic joke that is the typical Malaysian mentality has once again reared it ugly head in regards to this Hallmark Greeting card Company manufactured day. It is, according to the National Fatwa Council of Malaysia, an event that should not be celebrated/participated in due to it containing "Christian" elements and promotes vice activities and is therefore un-Islamic. May I point out that this is the same Council which issued a Fatwa that Muslims should not practice yoga as it contains elements of Hinduism and is therefore "un-Islamic"Valentines Day has also been termed as a "Christian" festival which has many elements of sin in it such as illicit sex and immoral activities by an "Islamic marriage motivational speaker". The Department for Islamic Development, in concert with State Islamic Departments, police and drug enforcement officers and the Auxiliary Volunteer Corp has also conducted raids on known lover's lanes and budget hotels to "illuminate" and "educate" Muslims engaged in "immoral activities and "close proximity", otherwise known as "khalwat". Non-Malaysian readers may think that I'm making this up, but rest assured that I am not. Yes, this is Malaysia. The shining beacon of moderate Islam. Isn't that right Ms Rachel Motte? Don't let the fucking shiny buildings and words such as "economic transformation program" and "Malaysia: Truly Asia" blind your "journalistic integrity" to the ever blackening shades of fact.

Since I do not have the intellectual capacity to put in to an eloquent discourse about how I feel about the situation, I direct you to an article written by Jeswan Kaur in Free Malaysia Today @

Mind you, this is just the latest in a long long long line of politicization of everything from race to economics and religion designed by the Those-that-must-not-be-mentioned-or-I'll-get-thrown-into- jail-under- the- Sedition- and- Internal Security- act to be as divisive as possible to regain the popular vote they almost lost in 2008 . Church attacks, housing and university placement quotas, grave robbing, institutionalized racism, ubiquitous and 1984-ish like police force, continued reminders of being beholden to the paperless social contract "or else". You name it, we've run the gamut sans big great "people" revolutions, something I will discuss with further later on.

Now, you may ask "Hey Ju-Rants. If you hate Malaysia so much why don't you just leave?" To my European/ football fan readers, would you still support (insert football team) even though the management totally fucked it up? I mean best players leaving, point deductions due to tax mismanagement, etc etc? To readers specifically in the United States and the , same thing but with baseball, American football, basketball and ice hockey teams. No, you wouldn't, because you love the team and not the management. Same analogy.

No. We're not ready for the currently trending revolution ala Egypt and Tunisia. The simple fact of the matter is, the Malaysian is pragmatic at best, apathetic at worst. As long as we can maintain the status quo of "everything's fine. no one's bothering me" then things will never fucking change, much to the delight of the corrupt and the wicked that stalk the corridors of power. Weak willed Malaysians. And besides, a few tear gas rounds and chemical laced water cannons are enough to scare most of us off, and any attempts to gain some support for the protesters are lost because the "pragmatic" Malaysian will just complain about "Aiyaa... stupid jam caused by the stupid protest". Because, you know, getting to your destination is more important than a revolution for justice and reform. Of all the nations of the world, Malaysia takes the cake in apathy and meekness. Well, maybe Singapore's got us beat there. But then they don't have much to complain about do they? Besides a benevolent dictatorship that just so happens to be able to produce an average 6.09% in GDP growth on an annual average.

So, in a nutshell, unless and until Malaysian actually grow a pair of balls, the status quo will remain.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Chesty Coughs/ Not a hipster

So I just had some "strong" cough syrup for my apparent "viral infection" of the throat. Antihistamines, as you may or may not know, has the side effect of making one drowsy. In my case, it makes me dopey, akin to being a little bit drunk sans the alcohol and the ritual like realization that hey, I'm not getting laid tonight again. So... im going to talk to you Ms Teen Cristine.

I can't fucking believe you went back to your woman beating, paranoid, compulsive, controlling douchebag boyfriend. I mean, were pickings really that slim? Could you really not find anyone else? Like me? Oh wait, I forgot, you think I'm creepy. What with my book purchasing and repeated attempts to at least have some social interaction with you which invariably leads to you calling your friend to come along on the pretense(to her anyway) that its some jolly youthful group outing instead of my original intention of spending some personal one-on-one time getting to know you better since, well, that was your original reason for not going out with me isn't it? I don't know you that well. Well sorry, but I seem to think that 9 years of "not knowing me" should fucking account for something. Let me tell you one thing though, I never have and never will beat a woman. Stick that in your fucking dysfunctional relationship pipe and smoke it, you passive aggressive bitch. Eh, don't worry about it. She doesn't even know this blog exists. And even if she did, its not like its going to change the status quo one way or another.

10 minutes: Eyelids seem somehow a little heavier. Am very much conscious and fully aware of my actions. Dear Sirs and/or Madams, I humbly request that I be allowed to hand in my submission on reasons why I am not a hipster nor have I ever claimed to be one, contrarian as my personality may be.

1) I'm fat. You don't see fat hipsters because, ironically, being fat isn't hipster enough. Really, think about. Have you ever seen a fat hipster? Everyone's very much thin from the refusal to harm mother earth by using petroleum based fuel. Or eat non-organic food which has been scientifically proven to not be any much different from organic food. Plus I think reading Charles Bukowski puts a strain on one mentally and physically.

2) Yes, I do like Indie bands. I do admit that out of the top 25 most played songs on my ipod, 10 are indie bands. But what I fail to mention is I have a lot of mainstream songs in there as well. Except Taylor Swift, that Hilary Duff, The Simpson sisters, Paris Hilton. I mean, something along those veins. Yes, I am very much aware that I cannot carry a tune to save my life, much less have delusions of grandeur to an unrealized fantasy of being a rock star dead at 30 from too much cocaine and alcohol and what I also assume, since Im somewhat famous now, Sexually Transmitted Diseases. I however, am able to live with that fact. Are they? And just to prove that I'm not misogynistic, fuck Justin Bieber. I told you people named Justin are evil... Anyway, off tangentially fun as that was, yeah, I like good music. Indie or otherwise.

3) Much of my literature consists of fantasy and sci fi novels, along with a ton of mainstream comics, with the exception of Hellblazer. I do not have a single Charles Bukowski poem book nor do I have the unabridged version of the Satanic Verses. I admit I do have a Che Guevara biography but I hardly think reading a book about a revolutionary makes one a hipster, much less a revolutionary. Hell, the only revolution I would start is the advocacy of getting my dick some much needed vaginal contact.

4) I do not know how Pabsts Blue Ribbon tastes like. I like my beer commercial. Like Carlsberg and Tiger. And no, we do not have any local brands to support seeing as we live in Muslim state in all but name.

5) I don't know what hipster fashion is. Seriously. I don't. Does it entail a lot of mix and match, stockings, trench coats and shirts with ironic sayings on top of a fishnet vest? Granted, I do have a few t-shirts with funny sayings on it. But I thought they were funny, not ironic. Though I suppose with the mirthless and sardonic humour American television has taught us, its all one in the same isn't i?. As long as it gets a reaction. Right, William Shatner?

6) I have a blog. How anti hipster is that?

Therefore, to conclude, Ladies and Gentlemen, Im not a fucking hipster.

20 minutes in: Chesty Phlegmy cough is still present. I guess having that cigarette 2 minutes back wasn't the best of ideas.. And I've run out of ideas seeing as my head seems to be spinning a little bit and I seem to be breathing through my mouth a lot. Is that how the term came about? Mouth Breather? But I'm only doing it because my nose is blocked you pretentious potential sex offender. I hope you get splinters raping a table.

Speaking of which, what exactly is a coffee table book? Is it like a big bowl of candy for guests to help themselves too while waiting for you and the missus who have sneak off to have some quickie sex which will eventually led to conception of Matthaeus, the inhaler totting, horn rimmed glasses wearing, suspender wearing, mouth breathing, glandular problem son/daughter? Anyway yes... its a time waster to help make wasting other people's time easier on the conscience, if you have one. And I suppose it makes one look all "intellectual", you and your pictorial of Shih Tzus and Rustic Kitchen Designs 2011.

EDIT: this post was written on 29/1/2011 but is only being published on 7/9/2011.

EDIT 2: I don't hate Ms Teen Cristine anymore but I still maintain that getting back together with her woman beating boyfriend was a very unwise decision on her part, to say the least.

EDIT 3: I obviously didn't die from that viral infection you smartass.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

reduxi ceklikan pantas

Ok, so the rapid flick got a lot of visitors to this site who were sadly mistaken into thinking it was a porn site. No sirs and/or madams, this is, unfortunately, not a porn site, amateur or gonzo or otherwise.

If you must know, I've finally discovered where I got the rapid flick reference from. Its from the webcomic LeastICouldDo. This panel specifically. Its a funny webcomic. Go read it. Along with Questionable Content and CtrlAltDel. DrMcNinja and Wondermark arent too bad either.

Again, in regards to the rapid flick, in case I wasn't being clear, I meant it in reference to fellatio. And I imagine that word may or may not get another couple of hundred hits from the many, many perverts out there who loves free porn from blogspot as much as I do.

Special shoutout to visitors from Bulgaria, Hungary, Saudi Arabia, Israel, Slovakia, Brazil and the Faeroe Islands. And also to visitors from Fuquay Varina in North Carolina, US. That has got to be best sounding town/city name I've ever heard.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

That dream again or Saying yes to the rapid flick

Hey you. Ms CounterStrike. Why is it every time I dream about you, we always end up fucking? You have not entered my thoughts since my very much voluntary annexation of my mind from your existence. So why do you have to sashay your hot ass back into my dreams all Inception like minus the blaring trumpets and inverted worlds but with the added goddamnyourbodyishotasfuck-ness? Get out of my head.

No, I'm not obsessed. If I was I would be getting all David Carradine on myself in my car outside your house. But I don't. Because a) im not into getting off on self asphyxiation and b) I don't know where you live, though you know where I live.. which invariably puts the stalker ball into your court.

And another thing. Besides the awesome mind blowing Inception-doesn't-have-shit-on-this dream sex, you are somehow... infinitely smarter somehow. Now, I'm not saying we discuss the String theory in particle physics or an in-depth analysis of the current impact of rising oil prices from a socio-political standpoint, but you are.. more enlightened. Somehow. Plus the way you hold that cigarette is pretty damn sexy...

Now, I'm sorry to keep going back to the sex thing, but quite frankly, I would think that would be all that we would have in common should we commingle and "go out". Fine, I'll give you the benefit of a doubt that you are of the same intellectual plane as I am (and that's not saying much). But from the few and far in between chance social encounters that we have had, well... We're not going to watch Fraiser together anytime soon.

And you're not shy. You just choose to be whenever you're around me. Please girl, I'm not Frankenstien's monster. Yes, the many acne scars and the way I tend to frown a lot may lend some credence to the rumour that I do in fact David Carradine myself in the car in front of your house and practice self flagellation without being sanctioned by Opus Dei, but I can assure you, I'm alright, if not socially adept with members of your sex, at times.

Yes, I am in fact a fan of the rapid flick and suck. Not the slow circular motions. I don't know how that came about but that was in the dream. You, madam, have skills.

Ok but seriously, as much as you tend to rock my dream self's world, you need to stop that. Because reality self finds the after effects of saying "it's just a dream" particularly disheartening.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


As you know, I usually do the blog posts with music from my itunes playing. Since I'm bored, I'm going to blog about whatever song comes on since I've now set it to "shuffle mode".

1) Right in Two by Tool
Excellent song. Then again every song by Tool is good. If you like progressive rock that is. This song was actually introduced to me by Mr Antonis back in Bristol. I have to say, one of the most straightforward songs by Tool in general. Its all about us humans, selfish fuckers as we are, from the point of view of the angels in the abrahamic vein( i,e jews, muslims, christians). We're referred to as monkeys fighting over every little thing even though there's enough to go around. With the advent of "reasoning" and "free will", we, very much like King Solomon tale, would solve disputes by cutting everything in two. Mine and yours. Unfortunately, i want what's yours as well. So yeah. A song about human behavior.

2)Warning by Incubus
Nice. Again another song that sometimes played through the soundtrack of my "formative years". Very,very straightforward meaning. Don't let life pass you by. Some even equate the song's subject matter as being Mother Nature, given the band's environmental views, which in this case means, stop fucking around with the earth. A warning of sorts, if you will. I particularly like the line "I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal".

3)Through the Iris by 10 years
Haven't heard this one in a while. If I remember correctly, this was through my metal/emo phase. My personal interpretation about this song is all about perception. Especially the way people view us, and vice verse, and life in general. Sometimes it's best if we could redefine perception. But all you get is the first impression. Simple right?

4)Speed of sound by Chris Bell
From Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist soundtrack. Which was brilliant. Along with the movie. It's not the best thing since gone with the wind, but its alright. For an indie song it has very a generic unrequited love theme going on. Synthesizers played alongside acoustic guitars along with those.. you know those instruments you hear at some beach resort in the caribbean that sounds like you're hitting a coconut/tortoise shell? The name escapes me. But anyway yeah. synthesizers, guitar and shell like instrument, you're indie sir.

5) Clubbed to Death by Rob Dougan
Im sure you all remember this song from the Matrix. The scene where Morpheus take Neo through the sim-matrix, bla bla bla, women in the red dress, bla bla bla holyfuckingshit its an agent scene? Yeah. No lyrics so I can't give you an interpretation. But I like the beat and the title. Syncs up nicely. Running from the person with the club, almost escaping, and then.. well.. getting clubbed to death. And its all green and grainy like in the matrix. Yeah. I have imagination.

6)Lonely by Akon
Yes. I do in have Akon in my playlist. I don't think this song needs an explanation right? No complex issues to be resolved. No hidden meanings. Just. yeah.

7)Oye Mi Canto by N.O.R.E featuring Nina Sky
Yes, I'm a tool. And i blame this song as being the main catalyst for the Latinization of pop music . La Bamba by Ritchie Valens doesn't count. Not that there's anything wrong with Latin music. It's got its own unique style. What I don't like is the fact that we have a lot of people who have no idea what the lyrics are saying since they dont speak Spanish, but claim songs by Daddy Yankee is their most favourtest song ever. I know its not a real word. Im just repeating whatever the masses say.

8) Give me a call by 311
Good ol' 311. This takes me back to HELP days, when i actually began to really appreciate music. This song comes under recommendation from Mr Yoong, Jonzi and Tupps. Thank you kind sirs for the great service that you have done this humble scribe. As to the song itself.. really, you can get the meaning of most songs just by looking at the name. Guy to girl : Call me, so we can arrange a venue and time for social interaction between the two of us, with a short term view of enjoying each other's temporary company and, depending on results of first said social interaction, a long term view to start a family unit.

9)Rap Superstar by Cypress Hill
Yeah. Cypress Hill. Skull and Bones was the first rap album I ever bought. Back when Shawn Fanning and Sean Parker were still trying to get laid before inventing napster and a free music(pirated) music environment under which I don't think anyone, in Malaysia anyway, has ever bought an album since. Not an expensive one anyway. The song essentially talks about the pitfalls of being a superstar. You know, the generic dealing with the fame, album execs, touring, etc etc etc. Goes to show, no matter what you do in life, you can't ever run away from stress. Somehow, earning millions makes it all better. Somehow.

10) Nobody move, nobody get hurt by We are Scientist
Remember them and this song? They actually came to Malaysia to play once. No. Of course you dont. That's what happens when you're a semi indie band with a semi successful single. I like them. With their irreverent lyrics and song titles. This song in particular talks using bodies. Just go for it. The last time I did that, I got a "I'll scream rape unless you remove your hands in the next 5 seconds" look. Nah, I didnt. I dont have the balls nor the lack of morals to even attempt such a thing.

11) Tomorrow by Silverchair
One of the few good bands to come out of Australia. Particularly like this song due to not light but not too heavy feel to it. Besides, it talks about class-ism. Rich vs Poor. Im a middle class bourgeois surviving on a meager income not yet amounting to 1.8k a month on a 10 hour a day job. So, yeah. I don't know where im going with this.

12) I aint the one by NWA
A very humorous and somewhat frank intellectual discussion about male-female relationship dynamics. In gangsta rap. Yup. That's it in a nutshell.

13)L'amour est un oiseau rebelle." ("Love is a rebellious bird) by Georges Bizet
Otherwise known as the Habanera aria in the opera Carmen. Performed by Maria Callas. Yes. I do have this and I'm not fucking around. It's one of the most famous aria everyone ever heard but not known. Im talking about this . I chose this specific video because the conductor looks and acts like me after one too many alcoholic beverages. The kicker starts at the 2:18 mark but i entreat you to watch the whole video. As to why I have this in my playlist, well, sometimes, I like to put on on a tuxedo with long shirt tails and top hat and and wear a monocle while sipping brandy in one hand and smoking a cigar in the other in a leather lounge chair while im at home.

14)Mahgeetah by My Morning Jacket
One of the best bands out there in my opinion. Mad man love on Yim Yames. or Jim James, if you prefer. Honestly, I don't know what this song is about. I venture a guess that its about his guitar. (Mah- GeeTah). Or some love affair on the side, something Malaysian have lovingly referred to as "side parking". Whatever it is, its still a good song. Nice rhythm, timing, the works.

15) Roots Bloody Roots by Sepultura
Wow, I havent heard this song in ages. Another remnant from my metal phase days. Sepultura was one of the first metals band i started getting into. You know, the band shirt and the whole "raagh SEPULTURA!!!!!" phase thing. One of their more commercially successful songs. Talks about not forgetting your roots. Like you know, if you're Chinese, it would be best if you could speak some chinese or celebrate the New Year in February.

16)Where is my mind by The Pixies
Remember the final scene in Fight Club? Yeah this is the song. The song propagates a life where one doesnt have to over think and over analyze everything in life. Instead, they suggest a trippy outlook on everything. Whether or not this is through medication or otherwise is left unsaid but inferred.

17)Lapdance by N.E.R.D
*Giggles like a schoolgirl. Ok no I didnt do that. But i did smile like an idiot when this came on. Im pretty sure all of you except the church going girl who secretly wants to rebel against institutional religion who reads this blog has heard of this song before. I don't think you need me to explain what its all about do you? Other than the socio-political subtext prevalent in the song.

18) The Trooper by Iron Maiden
Oh yes. Another remnant from the metal days. Second song I heard from them after Fear of the Dark. Good band. Again, very straight forward song about the experiences of a soldier. You know, war and stuff.

19)Hardknock Life by Jay-Z
So my rap phase began when I was 15. Jay-z was the first because, well, man was the best rapper in the world at the time. Especially with this song. You know what, I'm not going to do song meanings anymore for songs which are so straight forward. Hardknock life. You dont really need me to interpret that right? Unless your name ends with a Jr. or a Roman Numeral

20)Amerika by Rammstien
Hah. This band made me wish i spoke german. Till Lindemann, the band's front man, said that german was such a brutal sounding language and therefore perfect for metal. Im inclined to agree with the man. As to the song itself, from what i can gather from translated lyrics and the music video, it talks about the Americanization of the world at large. Mickey Mouse, Coca Cola, McD's Apple's Iphone, pad touch Igetit. Yup, we all live in Amerika.

And that ladies and gentleman concludes session one of what's on my itunes. Future sessions may or may not be transcribed depending on how morose or bored i feel.