Friday, April 24, 2009


You know, this is about the fourth time I'm attempting to write something meaningful to commemorate the 100th blog post on this here blog. The first 3 times all ended up with me raging and ranting against Ju's Bitches. You know, the same old formula of fuck you, you mistreated me, you disappoint me, hope you get crabs and gonorrhea.. that sort of thing. And honestly, that's getting a bit tiresome. Even for me. I'm just really tired of letting these women still affect me even though its already been 4 years, more than enough time to finally bury them in their respective bad memory graves and piss all over it. In more kinder terms, to forget them and move on. And so I shall. I have to develop some mental fortitude and grapefruits of steel. Of course it won't be easy. Whenever I think about gi gyn and michelle, i still get angry and sad and always utter their names followed by the words "fucking" and "bitch", followed by a good 15 minutes of smoking and calming myself down and chanting the mantra of "move on" repeatedly till my man child mind gets distracted by cleavage and snickers. Mmmmm.. snickers and cleavage...

Anyway coming back to my main point. It's painfully obvious that both women aren't as affected by their past interactions with me and have moved on to bigger dicks, or women thinking they have a dick in Michelle's case. So its a bit aggravating and lop sided that I'm still carrying all this emotional baggage and they're most decidedly not. So, goodbye gi gyn and michelle. I still don't understand why you treated me the way you did, but I think at this point and time that's rather irrelevant. Have a nice life. Its more than you deserve but hey, live and let live.

The other girls? Ah well, it wasn't meant to be. Specifically because I don't appreciate being dominated and treated like a handbag(that's you Voon Ping) and being lead around because you think I'm SCARY. Boo. So long .

Of course I'll be the first to admit I did a few things wrong as well. I'm sorry if I came on too strong. I'm sorry I cared too much. I'm sorry I kept staring at you but it was only because I thought, at that time, without knowing your real personality, that you were hot. I'm sorry I was too intelligent for you. I'm sorry for a lot of things I know I shouldn't be sorry for, but hey, fresh slate and all that jazz you know.

Oh shit... I did it again didn't i?

Anyway, sans the above mentioned events and people, life's been great in the last 4 years. Degree holder, job not related to said degree, good family, good friends, bad smoking habit. I daresay, the good memories far outweighed the bad ones if I step back and look at the bigger picture. I let myself get too traumatised by these women till it almost became all consuming, and I apologize for acting the way I did with my real family and real friends. I promise to try to be "happier" and less cynical about shit in life.

Hopefully this marks the first of many steps to me being a less emo man child and being more emotionally balanced and matured.

And to the rest of you lot.. whether you got here by clicking on the wrong link, curiosity or just plain boredom, thanks for reading. Here's to another 100 posts .

Special mention to penis elongating commenter, I'm fine with the size of my dick. Really. I don't feel inadequate at all. Will have the future women I sleep with fill out a survey if you want.

and to anonymous who finds my language "offensive and rude and will never come here again" well, you gave yourself better advice than I could (backspaces FUCK YOU YOU SENSITIVE CUNT!)

May future posts begin with "So me and the gf were fucking each other's brains out the other day ...."

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tunggu Sekejap

Tunggu Sekejap wahai kasih
Kerana hujan masih renyai
Tunggu Sekejap
Dalam pelukan asmara ku

Jangan Bimbang
Walaupun siang akan menjelma
Malam ini
Belum puas ku bercumbu dengan dinda

Tunggu Sekejap wahai kasih
Tunggulah sampai hujan teduh
Mari ku dendang
Jangan mengenang orang jauh
Jangan pula
Jangan tinggalkan daku seorang

Tunggu Sekejap kasih

P. Ramlee

nota : Tiada kekasih yang tunggu untuk saya atau bertunggu dengan saya. Saya hanya ingin berkongsi lirik-lirik lagu P Ramlee ini yang sangat bermakna bersama anda.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Anna Molly again

You're just like every other girl that I know. You come and go as you please. Its only when I don't think about you do you appear to me. Like as if you want something from me. I remember this time it was all very old Americana like. The jukeboxes, the soda fountains, neon lighting and plaid skirts. It was very "swell" and "dandy" as people of the era are prone to say. The fact that I was back in time crept ever so often into my consciousness. Any thoughts of irrationality and realization that one was in a dream of sorts was soon forgotten, intentionally or otherwise, when you walked in. Cue slow motion and sudden mysterious breeze that blows your hair in just the right way. You were gorgeous. You always have been. I've met you before. In a different time, in a different place, when you and me were different characters, different actors on the dream scape. As per your usual modus operandi, ours eyes meet for an eternity in a second, before the world comes flooding back with its swing music and period chatter, the cook in the kitchen yelling out orders. He looked like Al from Happy Days. I was expecting the Fonz to show up, leather jacket, rebel attitude and all, to engage in his constructive vandalism of the jukebox but alas he did not appear.

The soda in front of me was delicious to say the least. A chemical cocktail topped with more chemicals to create a chemical response on the palate. I think it was vanilla. The song in the background was Buddy Holly, though I forget which hit. Its the little details that I can remember, but its always you that I fail to capture. Something in the eyes, the hair, the way that you move, it's the little things that I notice and yet words fail to do you justice. Its apparent that armed even with a dictionary I cant begin to describe you. I stare as I usually do, with you perceiving me out of the corner of your eye but never engaging me. I approach you as I always did, that knot in my stomach turning, the beads of sweat starting to form, the heart pounding for the end of the world just to engage you in conversation. I start with the greeting, the anything but casual "hi" or "hello". You turn and you smile that damned smile of yours. I ask for your name as I usually do, and, like always, before your lips part to utter your sought after name, I am awaken.

Cursing, fidgeting, trying to grasp at the dust of a dream slipping away, I inevitably lost you again. Or so I thought

Drifting off again, I find myself back in more contemporary times. The sodas have been replaced with alcohol, of the consumption kind. The music had changed from timeless classics to present day flash in the pans. It wasn't in Al's soda shop anymore, it was a random house party with familiar faces. And you again. You were wearing what appealed to me, a simple sleeveless black top and fitted jeans. My dear, even if you were in rags I did still consider you the most beautiful woman in the world. You were holding a solo cup, casually talking with someone, I don't remember who. I felt a pinch of unfounded panic. You smiled your smile at him. I always thought it was exclusively for me. A familiar face passes me a drink, a jovial and fun face. I smile and thank him, feeling a little embarrassed for not knowing his name but thankful for some respite to distract me from you. I head out to the balcony, averse as I am to a noisy party full of familiar faces but unknown names, and to fight the feeling of insecurity when I see you and not know your name either. The sight of the city before me, the amalgamation of home and away and as yet unvisited places is breathtaking, and I commemorate the occasion with lighting up a cigarette. Even here, in Dream Scape, I can't forget the addiction. I contemplate as I usually do when I smoke, about you. I have seen you, I know you, but we're just two perfect strangers. The uneasiness that this is just merely a dream creeps back into my mind. Can I never find Nirvana, even if it isn't real? Can't I just have a little bit of reprieve from loneliness, even if I know it's not real? I'm in such a morose state of mind that I don't even realize that you're next to me, staring out into the city, contemplating, even as I am.

You catch me staring at you. You always do. You smile your smile again, just for me. You part your lips to speak again, and I wait with some trepidation for the dream to end again. But it does not. And I hear your voice for the first time. Your first words to me were "Do you have a light?". It is husky, casual yet full of confidence. I stumble around for the lighter, still dumbfounded to have heard you, to be interacting with you finally, after the endless chase through the Dream Scape. It's a black lighter. I ignite the flame, and you hold my hand to steady it while you light up your own cigarette. You take a steady drag and exhale. I watch with rapt fascination. You ask me "Why are you staring?". " It's because you just so.. beautiful" , I reply unsteadily. She smiles her smile again and thanks me. "But that's not the only reason is it, Ju?". She knows my name..

"No. I've seen you before. I see you every time I close my eyes. You're always there, wherever my dreams take me. But I don't know who you are. I've never even heard you speak, until now. I've chased you forever in Dream Scape."

She takes a drag again. "I know Ju" she replies in between exhalation. "I'm what you've always wanted in a girl. But you don't even know what I'm really like"

"If you're what I've always wanted, I don't see how that will be a problem."I realize that as I'm saying these words I'm inching closer to her. She wears a fragrance that seems familiar but again the name escapes me. Its intoxicating but in a good way.

She puts one hand on my shoulder and the other strokes my cheek. I respond by putting my hands around her hips and pull her closer to me. I stare into her eyes, and it as if the entire universe was blossoming behind those eyes. Her windows of her soul showed the happiness that could be had. The bliss coming from a woman who would never have trifled with my feelings. A woman who knew the true meaning of love.

"That's the problem with you, Ju. You love too easily." she says. I can feel her breath on my face. Her heart beating against mine.

"You're not making it difficult." I tell her. I can still hardly believe that I'm actually speaking to her, holding her, feeling her touch. "I can see through you. You're not flawed. You're not like the others. I feel like like I've known you my whole life. When I see you in my dreams, and that isn't often, I've longed to speak to you, to hear you, to feel you. Now I've caught you. And I don't intend to let go"

"You don't even know me.." she says, looking sad for once.

"I'm about to change that." I kiss her and she doesn't pull back. It's hard now to describe how it felt. There was an overflowing of emotions. We lost ourselves in the kiss. I wouldn't have cared if the world ended there and then. Her lips were soft. I stroked her back while she stroked my hair. A small sigh escaped from her. I felt a tear on my cheek and I realized it was hers.

"You don't even know my name" she said with a sad sigh, and she looked down. "And I know you know this is only a dream. So why are you so hung up on me? You don't even know me"

I knew it was a dream. I knew eventually I had to wake up. "I know," I tell her " I know you're not real. But I rather be with you then in the real world, so full of cruel women. That is why I love you. That is how I know you." I begin to feel a tear in my own eye. "Even if you aren't real"

I kiss her again. With more passion. I know it's about time that I got up. She breaks off the kiss, her face tear stained now, as mine is. She cups my face in her hands and smiles that smile for me again.

The night gives way to sunrise. I begin to feel as if I'm being pulled away from her. I grab at her outstretched hands and try not to leave but I know it's futile. Tearfully I ask her for her name.

"It's ......"

And that's when I woke up, my hand's holding on to nothing. I look around to see the familiar surroundings of my bedroom. She was nowhere to be found. I fought the urge to shed a tear and I reached for the cigarette instead.

"Motherfucker..." I muttered as I took the first drag of the day. And just like my dream this is how the post will end.. Abruptly.

Friday, April 17, 2009


i swear i wanted snickers after seeing this. now if that's not good advertising i dont know what else is.

and now, selected conversations which the above picture provoked

T says:gosh those are some breathtaking mounds
thanks for the mammaries
J says:snickers... brrrrrtttt
do not put me into a conference now with you and J*@^#.. i'll blurt out SUGAR TITS
T says:home is where my habits have a habitat
man..that fiona apple
J says:man those snickers....
T says:hahaha

J says: indeed
so is sugar tits done with her studies or what?
or is she doing the bar there?
or a masters?
or working with snickers?
T says: i asked ^%#^# abt masters she said brb
J says: putting a candy bar somewhere i suppose
man neither of us are going to let this go away that easily huh?
J says: we'll get bored of it eventually
T says: yeah
J says: but im going to milk it for all its worth.
pun intended

*note : brrrrrrtt = motor boat engine sounds. because breasts like snickers and sugar tits induce the desire to stuff your face between said lady lumps and make like a motor boat

names have been changed to protect myself and T from libel suits.

i never claimed i was a very mature person. especially when tits AND snickers are involved.