Monday, November 30, 2009


this is a response to

To AR, I passed, Subang Jaya

Having read your letter, I'm somewhat amused that you think we actually live in a system that works. Could you please tell that to the batch of students who aren't allowed to go to university due to a quota system EVEN THOUGH they've worked hard at their grades. Similarly, to say that Professional Exams in this country run on a fair system is a somewhat myopic view. It's all well and good to stand on the other side having passed the examination and judge those who you have seemed fit to deem lazy, or that they did not care about their studies or some other condescending remark that you care to pass. This is not taking away anything from your kind self. I'm sure you worked hard to achieve your passing grade and kudos. But don't you dare sit there and say that everyone else was just too stupid and lazy to pass their exams. Even you've said it, 9% passing rate is disgraceful. But to place the blame solely on the 91% of those who failed is irrational. I take great offense to your condescending tone. Just because you were one of the lucky few to escape the quota does not give you the right to be holier than the rest of us. Yes, I agree Professional Exams need to be tough to maintain standards, but a 9% passing rate is just ridiculous. The whys and wherefores of this I shall not delve into, but suffice to say, it is not a fair system. You need to get off your pedestal and realize this and stop criticizing those who have to go through the misfortune of repeating a professional exam through no fault of their own, other than being a victim of the system.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Memorable quotes 2

Me( Valentines Day 2005): Hey, wanna buy something for your Valentine?
Random Girl: Erm, I don't have a boyfriend.
Me: I can be your boyfriend
Random Girl: *laughs
Me: Everything on this table is for sale. EVERYTHING

Me: Yes, this bus goes through Ashton Road
Old white guy: Oh. Thank you. You speak very good english
Me: Thanks. So do you.
Old white guy: *Puzzled expression

Interviewer: Oh, your english name is also your chinese name! How clever!
Me: Thanks. My parent's thought so too.

Me: I'll have a..
Hooters Waitress: My face is up here sweetie
Me: I'll have a bud light!

Drunk white girl: So where are you staying? Do you have a place of your own?
Me: Oh, No I don't have a place of my own. I'm a tourist.
Drunk white girl: Oh cool! I'm a Pieces.
Me: *sniggers

Random girl: Hey Ju-lian. Are you on drugs
Me:... Do you want the politically correct answer or should I just say yes?
Random girl: *Puzzled expression

Random Internet Chat girl: You are understand?
Me: Nope. I'm Ju-Lian
Random Internet Chat girl has left chat

Jeremy: You don't have a hand towel in the toilet?
Me: No
Jeremy: That doesn't make sense. How do you dry your hands?
Me: I guess i just jazz hands it

Random Internet Chat Girl 2(RICG2): Hi there!
Me: Hello
RICG2: a/s/l/r?
Me: 17/m/kl/c. You?
RICG2: 17/f/seremban/c
Me: so what are you doing on so late?
RICG2: bored. looking for internet sex
RICG2: im wearing nothing but a yellow thong.
Me: You're a guy right?
RICG2 has left chat.

Me: Man, I miss having a girlfriend
Lesbian Roommate: Yeah, me too.
Me: *puzzled expression (Inner Voice) Aw come on! Seriously? Even here?

Me: Arvind! Heal me!
Arvind: I can't! Im out of mana!
Me: Your fucking mana's like your wallet! Always fucking empty!

Michelle: I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you
Me: Well it's a little too late for that now isn't it?

Acquaintance: Gi Gyn said you have stalker eyes
Me: The latest product from ZsaZsa's eye make up line

Acquaintance 2: Wow Ju-lian. your eyes are bloodshot. Didn't get enough sleep?
Me: Yes Captain Obvious
Acquaintance 2: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today
Me: Im a morning person. Can't you tell?

Kevin: Man, what if we could get smart by fucking nerds? *humps imaginary nerd
Me: I'll bet they're saying "Oh Kev! You're harder than Intellectual Property!"
Shah: *uncontrollable laughter

Random guy at school: Hey Ju-Lian I've been hearing the guys talk about you. Can I just ask..are you really Jewish?

Grandma: So how does Ju's girlfriend look like?
Aunt: Well, she's kinda chubby.
Grandma: Well, it's not like Ju's thin. Fat people need love too you know?

Order Date: 26/11/09 Order time: 21:19

Phone No: XXXX XXXX Customer Name: Teh Juan

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Memorable quotes 1

Me:(circa 1994-1995): Mom, why didn't dad stay at home tonight?
Mom: Ju, he's not going to be staying here anymore.

Me (2002): Good Morning Ms Nathan.
Ms Nathan: Good Morning Ju-Lian. We're done with class yes?
Me: ...Yes
Ms Nathan: Alright, I'll see you next week. Have a good weekend
Me: You too Ms Nathan
Mohd. Faliq: Ju-lian, where's Ms Nathan? *peers out classroom window. Is she coming?
Me: She thought that class was over. I didn't feel the need to inform her otherwise.

Me(2001): I love you
Michelle: I love you too

Me (2001): Do you love me?
Michelle: I don't know
Me: ... What do you mean?
Michelle: There's someone else...

Me(2003) : Hey Yoke Leng, you managed to get the reload card right?
Yoke Leng: Yes. Thank you.
Me: Cool
Yoke Leng: Hey.. You know I have a boyfriend right?
Me: No.. But thanks for telling me.
Me(out of earshot): Fuck...

Me (2003 post first kiss): I love you
Michelle: I love you too.
Me: ..Was it supposed to be that wet?

Me (2003): I wish this could last forever
Michelle: Hmmm?
Me: Lying in bed with you in my arms
Michelle: Mmm

Michelle: Shut up and kiss me already
Me: Yes maam

Michelle(2004): I don't love you anymore. I still have feelings for them
Me: What do you mean?
Michelle: I'm still a lesbian.
Michelle: Can I come over and collect my stuff from your place?
Me: Take your shit and get the hell out of my life

Me(2005): Are you alright?
Gi Gyn: Yeah. Thanks for catching me
Me: It's alright
Gi Gyn: Did I step on your feet?
Me: Yeah
Gi Gyn: Ohmigod, I'm so sorry
Me: Don't worry about it

Me: I'm bored. You?
Gi Gyn: Very
Me: Want to have lunch later? Just you and me?
Gi Gyn: I would love to
Me: I'm thinking chicken rice
Gi Gyn: Me too
Me: Great minds think alike. Or should that be hungry stomach?

Me: Hey.
Gi Gyn: Hi
Me: How was the weekend?
Gi Gyn: Boring
Me: I can relate
Surin: Whoo.. Gi gyn and Ju-lian going out!
Gi Gyn: We're not going out.

Me: Are you pissed at me or something?
Gi Gyn: No
Me: Then why aren't you talking to me and ignoring me and shit?
Gi Gyn: You just need to relax alright?
Me: Sure...

Tupps: Give it up man. She's just a bitch
Me: I seem to be attracting that sort a lot lately.

Me(2006): Dad, I passed second year. All the subjects
Dad: That's good to hear son. Im proud of you.

Me (2006. Bristol): Hi. Wanna dance?
I dont remember your name: Sure!
Me(later): You dance really well.
Nameless: Thanks!
Me: Where are you from?
Nameless: Subang
Me: Cool. You want to get a drink? On me
Nameless: Sure!
Me(even later): do you have a boyfriend here in Bristol?
Nameless: Nope. Single.
Some guy: Hey baby! *hugs her from behind
Nameless: Hey
Me(end of the evening): So who was that guy?
Nameless:..It's complicated
Me: Uh huh...

Me( circa 22nd birthday; inebriated): Did you know Amzonian warriors cut of their left tit so that it wouldnt interfere with their bow string when they drew their bows?
Adam: I think you've had enough to drink Ju
Me: Quite possibly...

Drunk white girl: You're all Malaysian??
Me: Yeah
Drunkie: But you look like you're from China, and you look like you're from India
Me: Yeah, we're a multi racial country
Drunkie: Oh wow! Can you speak some Malaysian for me?
Me(to Shah and Kevin): Apa 'sal perempuan mabuk ni?

Me(now) : I need to get laid

Me: Does she speak english?
Owner of reputable establishment: No, she can speak Lao
Me: Right. And that's supposed to help me how?

Me: I think I can do radio
Tupps: Yeah? Do an improv announcement now
Me: And thats all for sports. In other news Lady Gaga may in fact be a man. So, are we supposed to address her as Sir Gaga now?

Hot neighbor: Oh what a cutie!
Me: Thanks! The dog's cute too right?
Hot neighbor: *awkward and slightly frightened laugh

Me: You guys think im just a sexual deviant is it?
Dre and Arvind: Er....
Me: You guys know me so well

Me: So, you got a boyfriend?
Hilda: Nope
Me(Inner voice): Alright...
Hilda: I have a fiancee
Me(Inner voice): Fuck...

Me: So i just did this compatibility test thing and it say me and yoke leng are 50% compatible
Arvind: Eh, so that means you can... and cannot lar
Me: .....ok Genius

Monday, November 16, 2009

Review for year ending 2009

December 08: Looking for job. Wanting independence and a chance to prove that the world is my oyster. Towards Christmas it seems like an exercise in futility. Melancholic at New Years Eve.

January: Still looking for a job. Turned down offers on dad's insistence and my own. At logger heads with the old man regarding career paths. A 23 year old law graduate who failed his bar exam, jobless and still depending on parental allowance.

February: Yoke Leng. Painful realization its not going to happen despite best intentions. Michelle, rekindled. Kissed. Start to a descent. Got a job at Project Malaysia. Research Assistant. Working with Malik Imtiaz and Michelle Gunaselan. Excited. Paternal Grandfather died. Tears.

March: Progress. Work and semi love life with Michelle. First pay check. Gave dad Rm300. First published article. Slumdog Millionaire. Fight with Michelle. Worst to come

April: Michelle is gone. For good. Not dead, don't misunderstand. Just emotionally. Works starts to get frustrating. Lots of false pontificates. Wrote second article. Unpublished.

May: Work continues to stall. Growing frustration. Wrote 3rd article. Not published. E-mails and calls. No reply. Feel an ever widening emotional gulf

June: Fuck work. Michael Jackson died. Felt a little bit sad. Hypocritical me and the world. Start to drink again. Not due to Michael Jackson's death. Wrote 4 and 5th article. Unpublished

July: Too boring to remember. Hate work for lack of work. Worrying about future employment. Smoking more than usual.

August: Independence day. Forgettable as usual. Contract extension to the end of the year. Will still be able to pay bills. Nice new LCD tv. Rediscovered martial arts.

September: 24th anniversary of my birth. Injured back. Drinking regularly. Attending martial arts class. Nice hobby from humdrum. Promise self to lose weight and quit drinking and smoking

October: Phuket trip. Best time of my life so far. See work as nothing but a passionless paycheck. Wrote 6th article. Still unpublished.

November: Wrote 7th article. Unpublished. Maternal Grandfather dies.

Today: 3 hours before final funeral rites and the burial proper. Two days of Taoist rituals. I can't shed tears but am still sad nonetheless. I think I only ever said 10 words to the man. I didnt speak Hakka. He didnt speak English. I lost both grandfather's in the space of 9 months. I am still single with no Michelle sans the drama like replacement in sight. Drinking more frequently than usual. Smoking more. Gained more weight instead of losing. Fear I am going down a self destructive road of no return. Hope everything turns out for the better next month and next year. Am highly doubtful.

It's been some year.

This is why I don't blog regularly.