Tuesday, January 17, 2006

irrational flights of misplaced affection

wow..the title is a mouthful isint it? (meant to be connotative in a non sexual reference u sick fuck) ands it just a few minutes apart from the last one. yes...im making up for lost time and unleashing pent up rantration(mangled english...my generation's legacy to the world)
irrational flights of misplaced affection...catchy.. a reality for all of us i guess... it could be that girl which u never really let go and still obsessed over, it could be that eye candy guy u always wanted but already had a steady and hence, not to make yourself look like a home wrecking slut bitch, decide not to move in but instead be suicidal and be "different" in the hopes that eye candy would notice you for all the wrong reasons and therefore stand an absurd chance of making contact. the same applies for guys too...been there and done that and confessing it now. ppl who cut themselves, try to OD on some prescribed pill, honestly...we are all just fucked up attention seekers. yes...i will admit and to some certain extent speak on behalf of self inflicted scarers( SIS...thats a cool abbreviation) that the sudden rush of pain and adrenaline is a temporary emotion substitute...its keeps us from thinking about reality...fucked up as it is. I wont make any excuses...its a fucked up way out.. a cowards way out. truthfully however, we just want pity...but we dont know how to ask for it...to us...the world is just so fucking cold and we did rather invite sympathy rather than ask for it. its like seeing someone who lost a leg..it just invites general sympathy and apathy. why do u think there are still beggers? part of it is also being different from the norm...like the scar tissue is a red badge of courage(read that book) but in essence..its sympathy seeking. anyway...i dont know if im making any sense here...its just a vicious cycle of misplaced affection.. notice us so u can love us through pity.
as for pills...dont know coz i never tried it myself(and dont want to anyway) but i think the weird science applies. immortalized mis-perceived sympathy when all ppl are really saying is how fucked up that suicide case was.
what weird creatures humans are... so complexly beautiful and so savagely ugly at the same time. to put it succinctly and straight to the brutal fucking point...we are all just so fucked up.
bubble heads... damn u and your ignorant naivety. you dont know what its like to hurt. fucking robots.

random quote: Kevin Smith in response to whether he would make a science fiction movie
" A science fiction movie? I think I've made one already.. Chasing Amy. Because you go ask any lesbian, that will never happen, even if, and especially because, the dude is Ben fucking Affleck!"


in life...you learn a few things...sometimes its really positive but most of the time its negetive. depends on perception i guess.. if you're me then its really at the negetives. if you're some happy go lucky person then i envy you and your bubbleheaded naivity.
one of the things i have learnt is this life (so far anyway....since im just so fucking young to know anything) is that trust is a non existant thing. sometimes u just cant trust anyone in the world...not even yourself. yeah...i have done some lying myself....black and white lies. but i always make sure that nobody gets hurt...and if hurt is inevitable then it should fall on me for lying. unfortunately this just dosent apply generally. turst is the easiest way to carry someone really high up...and drop them and watch them splatter into macarbe chunks of meat and bone on the pavement of realization of what a dope u've been...and how u got played the fuck out.
now...trust is an essential ingrediant to another non existant thing....love. your significant other could come back from the UK having cheated on you, twice, while you, being the dumb trusting fuck that you are...has abstained and stayed "loyal", waxing lyrics on how strong u trust the significant other's fidelity. oh yeah...its a quite a cliched situation i know...but being cliched means being overdone..so if it happened to that dumb fuck in dogma then it could happen to you. u wanna get high on some non existant feeling like love then just stand on your head and get a blood rush...its the same as a fucking blush (from embarrasment or lovey dovey sappiness)..same shit different name.
what im trying to drive home is this.... i dont trust you and shouldnt trust me either....or i'll drop you from that high and watch you splatter..all while having a cig in my mouth...and then smile and say....told you so.
prior agreements shall be honoured. but hey...if u aint up for that then i understand. boils down to no trust again u see...