Friday, August 29, 2008

fucking bored.. or, not the most interesting title in blog history

So here we are again then. If I'm blogging then it means I'm bored as hell. What? "How is that possible?", you cry with shock and indignation. "You're in the States!". Well, to quell your premature ejaculation of shock and indignation, not everything is as it seems yeah? I don't have a car and the closes "fun" thing i can do is over an hour's walk away. At least I think it's an hour away. It always seems much closer when you're in a car, obviously. So all that talk about sun and sand and scantily clad women on the beach... yeah, it would be so much easier with a car. And since I don't have an international license nor do I know the area quite well, no scantily clad women for me. Oh sure, I could be asked to be dropped off, but things inevitably get boring after 4 hours of doing it. Exceptions apply to sex, but then again I'm just hard up and horny so I wouldn't know what I'm talking about. And i think stripclubs are out of the question. I mean, its a little awkward asking your mom to drop you off at Fantasy Island or other gentlemen's clubs which have the words NUDE NUDE NUDE in bright neon lights on display. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm having a good time here in the States. Its a nice place to be at. I've already been to all them tourist places, Washington and New York in particular. And obviously im living in LA. Its just, I mean, I'm living with my mother. Me, who's so used to living alone without parental supervision. And independence well, given that here I would honestly just watch naked women all day, either live and in front of me or on the tv(provided i can subscribe to the channel which shows Girls Gone Wild daily) because I don't know what to do or where to go being a tourist and what not. So there, I'm having a good time but I'm not having the best of times.

So right. Enough of the boring personal stuff. Its time for this blog to live up to its name. And on todays menu is fucking BN.

You know, I've been saying it all along, fuck the government. Fuck the government in all it's fucking corruption and racial prejudices. Fuck them and their censorships. Fuck them and their hypocritical stance in regards to racial politics. Fuck them for only helping poor malays but not poor Malaysians who aren't Malay. Fuck them for telling us to go to private institutions/colleges because local government universities are only for malays. Fuck them for telling us not to question obviously unfair policies. Fuck FELDA and UM for "affirmitive action policies" I know im a fucking minority but i fucking bleed the same as you fucking do. I was born in Malaysia and I'm just as Malaysian as any fucking one of them from the majority. Fuck Datuk Ahmad Ismail for calling us squatters and immigrants and thus unworthy of having equal rights. You're just an offspring of Indonesian descent. So who's the fucking immigrant here?He should be sent to fucking ISA since the standard set by the very powers that be of which Datuk Ahmad Ismail is part of. states that a person who causes racial tensions and affects the security of the nation can be held without trial for security reasons. But no.. our great and all knowing and all waking Prime Minister just wants to make sure he "doesn't do it again". Sure. If it was another person, of another race maybe, who said something to that extent to the Malays you can see the headlines reaading " X detained under ISA for inciting and inflaming racial tension" Im not a racist. I dont have anything against malay people. We are all children of Malaysia. Us, the Indians, the Malays, the Sikhs, the Natives, etc, ALL OF US MALAYSIANS. But instead of fucking preaching unity, how about actually doing something instead of racially segregating us and then fucking enforcing it with fucked up policies and locking up loose fucking mouths from inciting racial prejudices among the OTHER races? Fuck the government for not looking after its people, us, the RAKYAT. The milk of human kindness runs sour in the corrupted and defiled breast of the government. In short, fuck the government. Yeah, yeah, try and block this website. Its not like people read this anyway. So in effect its not sedition. How can it be sedition anyway when all that's spoken here is the fucking truth?

I don't know why I'm going back though. I wonder if there's anything left for me at home. But at the same time I dont know if there's anything here for me. I obviously can't work here because i have a foreign degree, and in order to work here in need some experience back home. Thats for law anyway. In short im in a limbo, professionally anyway. Emotionally.. I really don't know. Thats just a big black hole right now even though i try to shine a light on it. But if you know physics and astronomy or all that other fancy shit you have to know to know blackholes, no light can enter a blackhole. So.. yeah... empty emotional shell. I don't know if someones waiting or not but honestly, I dont blame her if she dosent. In fact i know she's not. So thats the story of my life i suppose. Unrequitment. I know thats not really a real word but i guess that about sums everything up.

Anyway, anyone saw the Olympics? Fine, stupid rhetorical question. Of course you did. Well here in the States its kind of forced on you. I.e Michael Phelps. And on the Malaysian front, one silver. Hey, fuck it. Even a bronze would suffice for the shit state our sports are in. I mean, since competing for almost 50 years and all we have to show for that is 4 fucking medals? All from badminton? Again here i would like to say a special fuck you to the sports ministry for being so fucking corrupted and incompetent. You know that money you bought your 3rd bungalow and your 6th car with? Yeah, that was supposed to be for helping to improve our athletes. On that note, fuck the ACA too, bunch of fucking toothless government lapdogs. At least Lee Chong Wei got a Datukship. Even then thats fucked up. Why now? Wasnt it enough when he was No.1 in the world even though it was a short reign. Wasnt it enough that he's been decently consistent throughout. Yeah, he fucks up now and then but which player dosent. And the same can be said for Nicol David. I dont see no Datukships for her while Michelle Yeoh, actress who dosent even live in Malaysia anymore, and who married a former F1 boss, she gets a datukship for sure. I mean how does she even contribute to the nation? Most people know her from Hong Kong. Bunch of fucking hypocrites. But hey, whats a datukship? It can be bought. Its no longer an honorific title that entails the person honor and respect as it once was. Quite the opposite now in fact. Just ask DATUK Ahmad Ismail.

In regards to pictures of the trip to washington and new york, please refer to my facebook. Yes, i have a facebook account. Funny anecdotes... well, there was this black homeless guy who asked me to buy him chinese food. Then there was this white guy who said "What's up my nigga" to me while i was out smoking at a bar. Yeah, racial issues here arent really that bad. Not as bad as Malaysia anyway. And apparently, I look Filipino.

And here's something new, impromptu poem to end the blog

She makes a scene to be seen.
Enter stage right, she's such a sight
To behold. Her performance is gold,
Her lines on cue, Praises abound and due.
The audience stands and applauds, loud as they can
One does not join the cacophony. He merely sits idly
In his seat. From the stage the She notices and seethes.
An uncultured boor, he should be wanting more
Of me. He must be blind not to see
The best actress of all time, able to make any act seem divine.
After the curtain, and where all is silent,
He sits there still, as quiet as you will.
Why is he still there? Why does he stare
at me? God, is he creepy.
Her curiosity pipped, she approaches this basilisk
Why do you stare and why did you you not clap?
Why do you not join the others who enjoyed my act?
He smiles sadly. Quite an irony.
You're merely an actress acting
You have no idea what it means to be living

Impromptu-ness sucks...

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


So this might probably be the last post i ever make in Malaysia. As of 6/8/08 i will be leaving this country and going off the United States of America, and God knows how long I'll be there. 2 months maybe. A year maybe. Forever maybe. I don't know and I can't say for now. It's a weird feeling. I don't want to leave yet I know in my heart that this really is a good opportunity for me to move forward in my life and all in all it might turn out to be an unforgettable experience to say the least. But, from the experience I've already had abroad, I know my heart will always be here, that is, home. I know this country is fucked up, what with its racial politics and inherent prejudices if you aren't a Malay. I know they're the majority and thats why its called MALAYsia and not MalayIndianChinesesia and I'm not under and delusions that I'll always be a minority wherever I go, with the exception of China but I know thats not where I'll end up. I may be Chinese but I'm a Malaysian first and foremost. I was born here and i love my country. But I do not love my government. Besides that, I'll obviously miss the friends that I have here. When i say friends i do mean FRIENDS, of which are low in quantity but unbeatable in quality. These are friends for keeps and saying goodbye just makes it harder to leave. There is also the family, which I love very dearly. I know i dont always show it but they are always just a thought away and of course already in my heart. Then there's Hermes, my 4 legged companion. I know everyone here's going to say i dont take care of him enough but yes, i still do love him very much. he's cuddled next to me right now as i type. As you can see, im becoming increasingly incoherrent right now and just simply typing out whatever i feel. Thats because im kinda becoming a little too emotional to string out proper sentences. M, you know it and i know it, we still love each other, but pride and too many other complicated circumstances put us in such a position that it will always remain unrequited. I wished things could have worked out better but we know it didn't

I love all of you and I'll miss all of you