Friday, December 30, 2011

I'm quite bored

Yeah. Like the title says. But you already knew that when I start writing an entry here. Perhaps all is not as contentful as it should or appears to be eh? And I know the source of this boredom/ discontent. Its the lack of female companionship at this stage in life. Let's face it. I'm 26. I got a good (hopefully long term), well paying job, good family, good friends and a roof over my head. But sometimes, sometimes the urge to just have that non platonic and somewhat sexy relationship is very strong.

I laugh it off and try to compartmentalize it as some silly biological urge to go forth and multiply. Or that I try to justify my singlehood as the last resistance to the the chains of marriage. But who am I kidding eh? I want a Mrs. Ju-Rants. Ok well, marriage is still a bit off at least until the cut off point of age 35, but you know, someone to share stuff with. From pizzas to how much time I spend with my friends. The whole shebang. Hell, I'm putting driving on the table here (those of you that know me know that driving is.. a problem). And I'll probably quit smoking. Probably. If it bothers you that much.

I guess that explains why a majority of the posts here are about the women I had affections for, namely Michelle, MsGoodGame, and Ms CounterStrike. Those three, despite the various infatuations I've had with several other girls of the week, are the ones I suppose have affected me the most. They are/were, the ones that got away. Speaking of which, I did this at work (on a really fucking slow day, so don't get your labour law panties in a bunch)

A very accurate meme of my love life even if I do say so myself. And yes, 9gag stole my soul. It will steal yours too.

And I can already here the whole "oh, falling in love isn't hard. You have to wait for the right one to come along" or "you have to put yourself out there". Ignoring the fact that both statements actually contradict each other, I have in fact tried to be normally adjusted to society given my sociopathic tendencies of staring intensely at people who catch my attention and copious amounts of smoking and frowning. I'm not angry about shit, I just frown when I'm thinking. Ergo, I think a lot. Sometimes about work but mostly dialogue I will never have with people I will never meet.

But yes, I try to meet girls out there. Strangely enough, the one's I'm interested in are always unavailable (i.e. they have a fucking boyfriend). And no, the fact that they are already committed to someone else is not the dealmaker for me to be interested in someone. That's just fucking sick. I just don't do well at closing the deal. And I'm incredibly shy and self conscious around everything I'm unfamiliar with. So... Vietnamese mail order brides?

Unrelated Anecdote : There this one time I was in Bristol having a drink in a bar with my Malaysian friend and his roommate and the roommate's girlfriend and girlfriend's friend. So we were all sitting outside at the table bench and the girls had to take their leave. So as they were getting up, the roommate's girlfriend, somehow, managed to flash us (the Malaysians) her panties. I did not snigger or laugh or be a creep about but politely looked away. To which she said (and you have to say this in your head with the most English-fied accent you can imagine), "Oh no, I've done gone an flashed my fanny to everyone".

Now, to my American culture influenced brain, I translated "fanny" to mean "ass/backside". And i think my perplexity was apparent on my face when my friend whispered to me in Malay, "Fanny kepada meraka bermakna pantat, bukan belakang mereka". A quiet smile was shared as I sipped my Stella.

So yeah, loneliness and boredom tends to produce shit entries like these sometimes. Harping about the same bloody issues over and over again.

Happy New Year by the way. I hope you get laid.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Selamat Hari Natal

Merry Christmas dear reader. I hope you got an Iphone4s and/or laid for Christmas. I did not get either but instead got somewhat drunk on beer at a German bar run by Myanmarese. And that's what the holiday's about. Materialism and inebriation on Jesus's birthday which is incidentally a continuation of pre-Christian pagan winter solstice celebration . Happy birthday Lord. Thus ends this year's Christmas message.

On another somewhat hilarious and/or shocking note, I have with me photographic evidence of Ms CounterStrike being a somewhat unbalanced and/or airheaded person which, in light of this evidence and further past transgressions, has me thinking , "what the hell did i fucking see in THAT?" I mean yeah, attractive body aside, there's no way in hell we could have sustained a theoretical relationship, aside from constant mind numbing sex. Call it high standards if you will, but no.. just... no.

For the uninitiated, Ms CounterStrike is currently dating her ex boyfriend of 9 years, Mr Danny. This is the very same boyfriend who, from very reliable sources, used to force himself on her and has even physically battered her on occasion. A regular fucking saint this one. I submit to you proof of the current folly that is their relationship ala facebook relationship status.

Clear so far? After the events mentioned above, I have deleted Ms CounterStrike from any social interaction but for the life of me she still remains a "friend" on the facebook of yours truly. This has afforded me the opportunity to provide "vigilant surveillance" on her well being in the hypothetical but real threat of her current boyfriend going Chris Brown on her. You may call it stalking, sir, but my altruistic intentions defeats all your legal and moral arguments. Furthermore, go fuck yourself, sir.

Coming back to tangent subject, I have recently found the following on her wall.

Wait for it......

N.B: I wanted to find something more interesting on the net, but 9gag was of no help and typing "funny + incest" leads to very very very very very very strange websites and pictures.....



Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Something that rhymes with Hiatus

Ok, so the last post was really bad. Wooden, monotonous, uninspired, Justin Bieber-like. No wait, that would mean that a lot of tweeners read this blog, and they are most certainly not my target audience. If you're 13-16 and reading this, GO AWAY. Go do your homework or destroy music or go hate on people not of your own race and/or sexual orientation. On a bus or tram if you like.

Back onto the tangent topic of half assed blogging (at least to my delusion of a high standard of blogging. Yeah. I know. I have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. And I know its sad to re-read my old blog posts.) I don't think I can make any excuses. In retrospect, I'm just not that bothered to blog, or indeed, blog well. Ju-Rants is no longer an outlet for me to express my frustrations and disappointments in life. I smoke and drink and shoot the shit with friends for that. Oh, and 9gag.

Come to think of it, I'm not really that frustrated and/or disappointed anymore. Nay, I feel that I am better able to cope with said frustrations/ disappointments better without having to resort to laying blame on everyone else but myself, or on myself in a hopelessly vicious cycle of self pity on display for all to see on the blog. Can't live like that really. Hence the redundancy of this blog and therefore the lack of entries since my annual Valentines Day rant.

Oh, life hasn't been rosy since that post. I resigned from a shitty job with a shitty pay and shittier work environment. Was unemployed for 7 months due to a lack of foresight of securing another job before resigning. And now here we are again. Employed with a better pay and somewhat better work environment. No, you may not know what I do because work is work and ranting is ranting.

What about the 7 months of "being in between jobs" you may ask. Absofuckinglutely nothing. Slept all day and watched movies and tv shows all night. Repeat endless cycle of pure boredom and intermittent episodes of Seth MacFarlane's animation lineup, Big Bang Theory, Breaking Bad, oh and the total lack of self esteem from the lack of employment. Some or all of you have been through that/will go through that so no need to regale you with tales of how I found it oh-so-bleak boo hoo whiny bitching about life etc etc. Or perhaps you're all big fans of schadenfreude. Well, no dice for you this time.

So you see, life is somewhat better. It does get better. If not, what's the fucking point right? I may or may not blog on here from time to time. As you've seen, I can take a really long sabatical from the blogsphere. Maybe if something interesting comes up or there is a blog worthy flash of epiphany. But Ju-Rants, what about your take on politics and all that smart people stuff (condescend much?) ? Well, you can go read about it yourself. Or watch PhillyD on youtube (sxephil). Why listen to one (somewhat angry and bias and not really that smart if you think about it) man's views? Get your own views.

Funny stuff. Funny stuff.. Heck I don't know eh. My materials are mostly one liners, situational, referential and throwaways. And did I forget to mention esoteric? And I don't meticulously write down a funny joke on my jokepad (gasps.. i actually typed that) and then later blog about it. Plus 9gag seems to "steal" my jokes before i can properly distribute it to the proper channels (friends and random hot girls).

On another note, Thank you Brazil. You've given us Aryton Senna, great football, Brazilian JuJitsu, great MMA fighters, Brazilian BBQ, the film City of God, the thong and hot women to ogle at. Keep up the good work. Obrigado.

You see what a struggle it is to blog anymore? I just dont have it in me anymore. Granted, this was written in a more timely manner than that last piece of shit post. But it still missing that pizazz from which I've come to expect from myself when blogging. Maybe I'm just a better blogger when I'm angry/drunk. Meh.

This year will mark the first year that less than 10 blog posts have been made by me. Do I get my cake and/or medal now?