Friday, February 11, 2011

Hari Valentine = omong kosong

Kata kasar Hari Valentine tahun ini akan disiarkan lebih awal dari jadwal kerana juru tulis anda yang begitu rendah hati terasa terlebih sinis atas fakta Ms CounterStrike telah jalin semula hubangan romantik dengan teman lelaki brengsek lamanya yang telah (dan kemungkinan besar) akan melakukan tindakan tercela tersebut dalam masa hadapan. Apa yang dia tengok di dalam brengsek itu, aku pun dah berputus asa nak dapat kefahaman. Lebih daripada menjadi cemburu, aku terasa sangat sedih dan bahkan bersimpati atas kembalian hubungan tersebut, yang hanya, dalam pendapat jujur saya, boleh berakhir dengan keburukan.

Selain daripada itu, biarkan saya usulkan sebab perasaan sinis saya terhadap Hari Valentine. Untuk mengutip kata kawan baik saya Seemat Yusof, Hari Valentine adalah hari istemawa hanya kepada kanak-kanak, orang belum matang, dan orang yang baru-baru menjalinkan hubungan romantik. Untuk orang biasa, seperti juru tulis blog ini, ia adalah hari yang lain. Akuilah, apakah coklat, kad atau bunga-bunga mawar akan membuat untuk mempastikan and mengeratkan hubungan anda dengan teman sempurna awak? Hari Valentine hanya direkakan oleh syarikat kad Hallmark untuk meningkatkan jualan pada tempoh yang biasanya jualan kad-kad dan benda dukungan mereka lambat. Dan, untuk kawan-kawan bijaksana yang menganngap Hari Valentine adalah rekaan daripade Geraja, tolonglah... buka mata dan mendapatkan pengetahuan and keilmuan.

Aku harap para pembaca blog aku memaafkan juru tulis rendah ini dalam kecubaan dia menulis kata kasar (rant) Hari Valentine tahun ini dalam bahasa melayu.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Rafael: Obrigado por seguir o meu blog

Part 1 (3/2/2011)
No, I don't speak Portuguese. I just wanted to welcome Rafael from from Belo Horizonte, Brazil, who has somehow found this here blog here worthy of being followed along with the other 7 of you.
Obrigado, Xiexie, nandhri, terima kasih and thanks for the support.

I wanted to write something about Chinese New Year this time around, seeing as it is that time of the year, but I chose not too seeing as this year's event of cultural and familial importance was sullied by my two asshole uncles. Thanks for spoiling the mood by threatening to "sort out" my aunt and potentially ensuring my dad gets suspended from practice. Good for nothing spineless ungrateful cowards. I'm ashamed to call you uncles. A pity we have to related by default.

Part 2 (6/2/2011)
I don't know why, but I feel a profound sense of loneliness for some reason. Yeah I know Yoke Leng's back with that dick. I know me and Michelle can't salvage anything from our relationship other than a platonic outcome. And I'm alright with all of that surprisingly. Yoke Leng's too much of an idiot and Michelle has proven that we work better as friends rather than lovers. But still the loneliness persists. Life could be somewhat better I'll admit. I'm being underpaid and overwork but who isn't these days? Said work has prevented me from pursuing more healthier pursuits such as the CMD and has thus brought about the unwanted side effect of being well.. fat. And the pimples persists like its 2001 all over again. I really don't know what will happen in 5 years to be honest, at which time I will turn 31 and the lack of having a significant other will undoubtedly become more overbearing than it already is now. I guess that's basically it. This sense of uncertainty about the future. And no one to actually tell me its going to be alright. As it is right now I can't even call anyone to just come and accompany me on this melancholic jaunt which I hope to remedy with some alcohol. Fuck it.

Part 3 (15/2/11)
Yeah. I found some time to write the annual V-day rant in malay. Somehow. With work being what it is, I'm surprised that I was even able to concentrate efforts towards a somewhat burdensome task. Yes, Its still about Yoke Leng. I've had an epiphany about why I feel the way I do. Rather than the overused and cliched "The one that got away" or the whole "wanting something you can't have" high road, I'm honestly just being petty. I never made a concentrated effort to actually get to know you better, or vice versa. I similarly did not give you my Initial Benefit Statement as to why you should at least come watch a movie with me which may or may not end up with me holding your hand since we're on what's colloquially called a "date".

I don't in fact know anything about you other than the random odd trivia which you casually revealed to me on the few occasions that we spoke. Like, for example, I know you do not like squid, or as the culinary savvy would say, calamari. I know you do not like nuts in your chocolate (and I have resisted the urge to turn that into a sexual innuendo which i am wont to do at times). I know you are afraid of the dark and sleep with the light on. I know your ultimate wish was to visit/live in Australia (which has ultimately been fulfilled thanks to your current/old bf which im assuming is loaded due to his hard and diligent work as a business development exec.). I know you're a hopeless romantic like me and that you read fantasy books as a form of escapism. I know your birthstone is a rose quartz. I know your birthday's on 6 June and that you're a Gemini. I know, you're just so afraid to be alone that you did rather settle than be faced with the possibility of facing the world alone. Yeah. I don't know anything about you at all.

I resolve to forget you by year's end. This charade that I've been playing at about how you should be with me when I don't do anything at all to make it so has to stop. I shall forget you and you shall fade. Yeah, the initial feelings of hurt from the fucking cliched unrequited love is still there obviously,but this too shall pass. Eventually. And listening to Scorpion's You and I is not fucking helping by the way.

The next part is about Malaysia and Malaysian Politics and Culture. Stop reading here if you are totally apathetic about the subject or just find that im too "wordy" and the wall of texts hurts your eyes.

On the subject of Valentines day, the pathetic joke that is the typical Malaysian mentality has once again reared it ugly head in regards to this Hallmark Greeting card Company manufactured day. It is, according to the National Fatwa Council of Malaysia, an event that should not be celebrated/participated in due to it containing "Christian" elements and promotes vice activities and is therefore un-Islamic. May I point out that this is the same Council which issued a Fatwa that Muslims should not practice yoga as it contains elements of Hinduism and is therefore "un-Islamic"Valentines Day has also been termed as a "Christian" festival which has many elements of sin in it such as illicit sex and immoral activities by an "Islamic marriage motivational speaker". The Department for Islamic Development, in concert with State Islamic Departments, police and drug enforcement officers and the Auxiliary Volunteer Corp has also conducted raids on known lover's lanes and budget hotels to "illuminate" and "educate" Muslims engaged in "immoral activities and "close proximity", otherwise known as "khalwat". Non-Malaysian readers may think that I'm making this up, but rest assured that I am not. Yes, this is Malaysia. The shining beacon of moderate Islam. Isn't that right Ms Rachel Motte? Don't let the fucking shiny buildings and words such as "economic transformation program" and "Malaysia: Truly Asia" blind your "journalistic integrity" to the ever blackening shades of fact.

Since I do not have the intellectual capacity to put in to an eloquent discourse about how I feel about the situation, I direct you to an article written by Jeswan Kaur in Free Malaysia Today @

Mind you, this is just the latest in a long long long line of politicization of everything from race to economics and religion designed by the Those-that-must-not-be-mentioned-or-I'll-get-thrown-into- jail-under- the- Sedition- and- Internal Security- act to be as divisive as possible to regain the popular vote they almost lost in 2008 . Church attacks, housing and university placement quotas, grave robbing, institutionalized racism, ubiquitous and 1984-ish like police force, continued reminders of being beholden to the paperless social contract "or else". You name it, we've run the gamut sans big great "people" revolutions, something I will discuss with further later on.

Now, you may ask "Hey Ju-Rants. If you hate Malaysia so much why don't you just leave?" To my European/ football fan readers, would you still support (insert football team) even though the management totally fucked it up? I mean best players leaving, point deductions due to tax mismanagement, etc etc? To readers specifically in the United States and the , same thing but with baseball, American football, basketball and ice hockey teams. No, you wouldn't, because you love the team and not the management. Same analogy.

No. We're not ready for the currently trending revolution ala Egypt and Tunisia. The simple fact of the matter is, the Malaysian is pragmatic at best, apathetic at worst. As long as we can maintain the status quo of "everything's fine. no one's bothering me" then things will never fucking change, much to the delight of the corrupt and the wicked that stalk the corridors of power. Weak willed Malaysians. And besides, a few tear gas rounds and chemical laced water cannons are enough to scare most of us off, and any attempts to gain some support for the protesters are lost because the "pragmatic" Malaysian will just complain about "Aiyaa... stupid jam caused by the stupid protest". Because, you know, getting to your destination is more important than a revolution for justice and reform. Of all the nations of the world, Malaysia takes the cake in apathy and meekness. Well, maybe Singapore's got us beat there. But then they don't have much to complain about do they? Besides a benevolent dictatorship that just so happens to be able to produce an average 6.09% in GDP growth on an annual average.

So, in a nutshell, unless and until Malaysian actually grow a pair of balls, the status quo will remain.