anger

the last post...right.. something blown way out of prportion. well...if u consider paying 250 for replacing the damn bumper and respraying and labour cost and petrol...then its fucking out of proportion isint it you son of a bitch? fuck you very much again.

anger...thats the biggest demon in my life.its hard to repress sometimes but i did like to think i have a pretty good job of it. sometimes. the more repressed it is the more violent it is when i emerges from its chain of moral conscience repression. i dont know. its just...this internal thing which makes me want to repress my anger..but then something can just spark it off and when it sparks it becames a raging conflagaration. it just...explodes. i dont know what im thinking or saying or doing in that kind of state. i've been lucky that i havent done anything that i would regret, hence the need for further repression which leads to further even more volentile outbursts. i dont know if i have an anger management problem or not. i mean, its alright to blow off a little steam sometimes but my way off blowing of steam makes a volcano look like an ant piss(is it scientifically true?). i have often wondered if its due to some repressent memory or something. i dont recall being abnormally angry when i was young or being extremely violent. i mean..i got angry at things which people get normally angered...like infidelity of a loved one or some back stabbing motherfucker who you thought was a friend but was just a snake in the grass etc etc. who dosent get angry at these things? even the pope or dalai lama before achieving their spiritual enlightenment would have been pissed off. so then..how the fuck did my anger over develop. like a friend once said...when told that i sometimes have violent thoughts... too much repressing. is that really it? or am i just inherently a violent psycho? its...scary sometimes...just knowing that at one moment of uncontrolable rage you just might to do something you might regret for the rest of your life. maybe i just need to beat the crap out of someone who really deserves it.. but of course...i would never ever wish a violent death on even the worse of my enemies...but when you get into that red rage.. wishes and good intentions dont really come about. of course, its only a problem if u let it be. one of mental and spiritual fortitude would be able to retain full control of their emotions. mental and spiritual fortitude was never one of my attributes. most of you who know me...you've never seen this part of me. like i've said..i have been very lucky that when the rage comes and nothing regretful happens. except that one time...sorry...sincerly and regretfully. its been a while since that rage has come about but..fuck.sometimes its just scracthing beneath the surface. i can feel it..clenched fist and teeth and all. but practice makes perfect the moral chains of repression. but then nothing is perfect. and that my friends is the scary part.

sorry for the short post...really just dont have any inspiration to just blog. and since its the holidays there's nothing to do. besides world cup.

VAMOS ARGENTINA!!

im not argentinian. but when your country has a fucked up football team and is never going to make it to the world cup while you're still alive or during your grandchildren's lifetime then you tend to adopt a country to support.