habeas corpus

yeah i know... i've been missing, so to speak, from blogsphere.well, here your writ for habeas corpus. my excuse for my absense is just the lack of creative spark. there is no inspiration, no need or want to write. no effort on my part. plaine and simple, im just lazy. that and i dont seem to have anything to write. i do not feel the need to bore you with the minute details of the daily going ons in my life(unless of course if i get laid. u did be the first to know). i guess then this is just a refresher to let all of u know that im still alive and still angst ridden.

regrets, yeap, i had many, as im sure many of us do. that feeling of inadequate(or too much, in some certain cases) effort to have done something. its interesting to think about the what ifs in life. but then again, whats the use? quoting a dear friend of mine, chances in life are like comets, once they've passed, we'll never see them again in this lifetime. so hence, thinking about what ifs are not worth the lingering hangover effects which comes with regrets. unless u like being drunk on regret like me of course. i guess u can call me a fan of what ifs. what if i never met you? would life have been better off without you? what if i had evolved some balls and actually asked you out instead of being over cautious? what if i studied harder? what if life was little more different? the questions and regrets that come along with it. good thing i've sobered up. goodbye comets. welcome earth shattering reality. the fact is i've already met you and life isint any better. the fact is i was a coward and should have asked you out before u had a bf but i guess its a little too late now.the fact is i didnt study hard enough to get into exeter. so fuck it. the only thing you can do is get on with life . maybe learn a few lessons before stubbing your toe again. true, sometimes the mind teather does play reruns of a few horror memories. it happens, human nature is as such. clingy like a cling film(ok...so that wasnt the world's most creative analogy). but hey, get on with life. time heals all except self doubt.

btw, tiesto was great. the music, the company, the eye candy which was capable of giving the soul diabetes. there was that bit about unexplainable cuts and bruises sustained in the aftermath and the usual macho bullshit of pushing and shoving and staring but nevertheless a great night. everything but the girl. yes, im aware that getting a gf seems to be a priority these days. a rational and irrational explanation, we want a connection, an intimate connection, a connection that can only come from something so exqusite yet so savagely vulgur such as a another human.it sucks to be disconnected. true, i did rather prefer my own company at times, but as it was written by silverchair, i dont want to be lonely, i just want to be alone. misses right, im pretty sure i've seen you in this infinately complex world. im just waiting for you.

the last i've heard, evolution was an advancement and not a back step. this is especially true in regards to mentality in general and to malaysians in specific. there is always this need to be the fisrt in everything and to be the best in everything we do. that mentality in itself is not a bad thing to have, but malaysians, we just fucking mute that into something so totally disgusting. the amazing phenomenon of being kia su(literally scared to lose in hokkien). we are so insecure about ourselves in public that we have to be perfect in every little detail that we do, from getting the first parking spot while disregarding the feelings of others till committing suicide if we get a bad result for our exams. this need to be so fucking thin because apparently its cool to be aneroxicly thin.the need to be sycophants. sometimes it makes one wonder, why the fuck should we care? it is worth it getting so worked up about the misguided deeds of fools? the answer is one i have already given. a lack of connection,this time with theirselves and their own self doubts. i feel more pity for these ppl than scorn. if only they were more connected with themselves. and i dont mean that in a condescending way. and another thing that grinds my gears, the mentaliy of certain malaysian girls. look, just because i ask you out for lunch does not mean i want to get into your pants. yeah, maybe i may have slight ulterior motives in eventually asking you to be my steady(duh, then y the lunch date in the first place? its certainly not because we're both food connoiseur), about that im being perfectly honest(unless u have a bf of course... then asking you out would not have been in contemplation in the first place). and if u eventually give me the great big let down, of course i did feel disappointed for a while, but that dosent mean we cant have a platonic relationship right? if i didnt enjoy your company i wouldnt have asked you out in the first place.and in regards to pure platonic motives in asking you out, yeah...platonic being the key word.

i may or may not have contradicted myself through out this rant session. oh well.. nobody's perfect. thank you.. good night and good luck and happy angsting. the mental weather looks like a long absense again for a long time in other regions, rain and heavy snowfall. back to you Jim(overused cliched tv newscaster's name.....i was trying to be funny....like wearing a snow cap in tropical equatorial weather)