absentism

one month without a post. bleh, unlike some people im not a slave to blogsphere. i use it as it is intended, as a LOG. how the hell did the 'b' come into play anyway? anyway, i understand why now its more important to keep a blog actually.besides the fact to let you know that im still alive and not rotting away in some gutter while some damn kid is poking me with a stick and charging his friends a quid/ringgit/buck/currency of your choice for seeing a dead body, i really need to just rant on things. small or big, inconsiquential or monumental. i just need to rant about things.

in the time that i have been here in this foreign gulag(check out what gulag means on wikipedia. interesting to say the least) where nothing is what it seems and everything seems nothing, i have come to hate this place even more. to be fair to bristol, its a nice place tourist wise. however, immigrants and long term but dont intend to stay people i.e students or something like that, its not very hospitable now innit? the people here are veiledly racist and prejudiced. generalizing of course. not all arabs are terrorist right mr bush? not all malays are racist rempits right mr lim kit siang? not all minority races are just here to rape the land and return to their country with their riches while leaving nothing behind to the dominant race of the land that was there was before the pendatang asing or even if they were born on malaysian soil itself and contribute to the land and the country they still are damn stinking foreigners and they dont deserve to be treated fairly in racial terms, economy and educational wise. they're just second class citizens... right mr hishamuddin hussien? they deserved to be killed and their blood bathed on your keris right mr najib razak, mr deputy prime minister? the supremacy of the melayu race cannot be questioned and the same is true for their religion as well is it not, mr abdullah badawi, mr prime minister? no.. of course not. you were all just generalizing wernt you?

sorry. politics. a bore arent they? u did rather know how my day went and whether i bought any presents and sovenieurs for you while im here or whether i've gone to stamford bridge and seen a chelsea match and of course, tell mr mourinho to suck eggs dont you. well, i did rather not. im fucking sick but thanks for asking. got a high fever. not gonna whine and bitch about it. its not like your sympathy is the cure for the common cold. same goes with assignments. not much help by complaining about it is there? i should have been a pyschologist. i love studying the human mind in all its fucked up-ness. honestly. its fascinating to watch human behaviour. like malaysians, specifically the chinese. even a white man can see for himself that we go in packs. and not the fierce wolf type either but the silly will-laugh-at-any-immature-jokes-and-converse-in-chinese-loudly type kinda pack. yes, i understand its your race and culture and all that shit. im a fucking chink as well too. but for fuck sake, keep the fucking noise down. and stop being so damn clannish. and dont give me the bullshit that you're gonna watch my back because im malaysian and chinese because you dont fucking know me and i dont have an interest to know you. we were never friends back home and we certainly arent going to be here. and the white man. yes, i speak with a funny accent. you do too you damn cockney bastard.i dont fucking judge you based on your fucking language, which is what i speak as well. and im shorter than you too. sorry. my bad totally. i mean, i wanted to be tall and all but it just didnt work out. so fucking sorry. whats that? the yellow skin and slant eyes? yeah. my bad as well hitler.

on the same vein of things, homosexualism. jesus there is just no way i can ever run from the word. no, im not coming out of the closet because i was never in it the first place. LGBT does not rock my boat. it never has and never will thanks to personal trauma. no i was not touched in the wrong places. please refer to my ex girlfriend for more details. im tired of reopening an old wound. anyway, my roomates a les. there are several gay associates of mine who, even though their sexual orientation is very...i dont know how to put it in a polite way so i just wont say anything but its something along the lines of distasteful, to me, i will not sacrifice years and years of frienship just for an irrational fear and prejudice that i have for homosexual people. i understand that they are people too. i understand its now becoming more acceptable. i get it, the world is moving with it and i guess i better mosey along with it lest i get left behind in antiquity. dosent mean i have to like it. i accept the principle of trust and land law but that dosent mean i have to like the damn subject.

on the subject of relationships. god. i dont know. i havent been in one for years so its all beceomed uncharted territory for me again. im suffering from relationship and, to an extent, sexual gastritist. i really dont know. there hasnt been a ONE. there's just been AnnaMollys and AnyAmys. either something that just isint right or too fleeting a feeling for me to feel anything. and call it insecurity or having too high of a standard. but i fish one way and you fish another. damn i havent had a filet in years though. I did like to leave to leave it to fate, but when has fate ever done me any good? in the current circumstances, i seem to have no choice. im luring but not catching. this fisherman analogys are pretty weird since i've only gone fishing one and i didnt catch anything other than mosquito bites. lame and cliched circumstances i know. but that's how it really happened. And, in a related matter, and this rant goes out to someone who isint going to read this anyway but fuck it, its a rant, you are more than just friends. you can have her. i dont go for another man's woman. and control your damn alcohol you bastard. i'll kill you next time you swing when im not looking. for my family, dont be concerned. it was a minor altercation not of my doing and im fine, we did not involve the authorities and everything is cool now.

random information; wikipedia is a lovely place to visit when you're bored. and so is youtube. and i like watching ANTM. sorry. i know its a show about models and the bitching and the crying game and the emotional game and tyra tyra tyra. so sue me. i like looking at hot women. hot wanna be model women. sorry but manhunt just wasnt.. oh my fuck(not a typo, i wanted to say it this way) its a show about male models. why the hell would i want to see that for? i reiterate, im not a gay or bi or tranny. if that rocks your boat then fine(said with an ewww added before and after).dont turn the fucking guilt trip on me saying i dont understand or its just personal. i fucking understand. be fucking thankful i dont go around bashing your gay little heads(hahaha) in like buju banton(wikipedia it) . Im not being sexists either. hot women turn me on and men dont. i dont know how much more clearer and logical i can make it for you.

sorry. just in a really bad and melancholic mood. makes me think too much. deal with it. girls can have bitch mode . that is totally sexist of you and not me, coz if u wanna bitch about something go ahead, just away from me. what is the male equivalent of a bitch mode anyway? anyway, its a blog. you rant. or do a damn meme. or post pictures of yourself to bring out the inner exhibitionist in all of us. or journalize it. up to you. its yours.make of it what you will.

that should tide you over till next time. apoloies for spelling mistakes and nonsensical arguments. fuck it. you dont care. and neither do i.