when insomnia has a firm grip on you

what do you do? its six in the fucking morning and i cant sleep. im as tired as fuck, for want of a better word, yet i cant drift off into the escapism which is my dreamscape. it cant be accademic related stress as i've finished all my assignments and i would like to believe that im progressing well in studies and revision for the big E. am not currently thinking about ex's and situtations that could have been but never was. have watched 300 pahalwan Sparta twice now. Have tried drinking warm milk and have tried counting sheep. i have even gone for a walk about UWE to feel tired and clear my mind of anything that might have been on it. I realized there wasnt halfway to the other side and discovered it was too fucking cold to think and walked back. And here i am now, your humble scribe, unable to sleep and listening to Jay-Z telling me about that its a hardknock life. and now to be Big Pimping. Why... cant.. i... sleep? Shall now entertain myself with rant therapy

So i have discovered there are now 4 types of marital status; single, taken, homosexual and "its complicated". Your in between, says everything and nothing at the same time position. Its pretty fucking annoying yeah? Pick a side, any side. Stop complicating the situation and simplify it. Ok fine, that was just annoyance talking. Im sure there is a very good reason as to why you arent already taken but you arent available either. It could be that you're "very" good friends one drunken admission of love away from being a couple. It could be that you "still love each other" even though there was clearly a betrayal and thus a failure in the relationship. It could be that it's unrequitted and one sided. It could any number of things. Not trying to sound like a single desperate and exaperated fuck but its time to choose and make a stand. Bah, that only happens in movies where there would be happy resolution for the protagonist. And i never claimed to be the protagonist. The reality of it is that its just a personification of the human pysche. We're complex miserable creatures and this is a manisfestation of it in regards to our relationship with others. So yeah, i understand "its' complicated". Fucking hell.

Funny jokes( for tupps): A man was walking down the street painted green and naked with a naked girl on his back. He was stopped by the cops for indecent exposure. Asked as to why he was green and naked, he replied, "I was going for a costume party. Im a turtle." When asked as to why he was carrying a naked girl on his back, he said, " That's Michelle (me shell)".

Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple? A pimple only comes on your face when you're 13. (credited to Zee as told by Tupps)

A newly clothed young Catholic Priest was in the confession booth. A very promiscuous woman came in and confessed her sins. "Bless me Father, I have sinned. Its been 3 weeks since my last confession. I have performed oral sex on a man who im not married to. How many Hail Mary's should i say?" Being new, the Father didnt know what to say so he asked the alter boy nearby "What does the senior priest usually give for a blow job?" The alter boy replied "Oh, usually some sweets"

A few months after his parent's were divorced, Little Tommy passed by his mom's room and saw her rubbing her body and moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" Over the next couple of months he saw her doing this several times. One day, Little Tommy came home from school and heard her moaning. He peeked into her bedroom and saw a man on top of her. Little Tommy ran to his room, stripped off his clothes and started stroking off, moaning "I need an Xbox! I need an Xbox!"

Why is snow like sex for women? You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it'll last

Whats the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with the light on

What do u get if u cross a donkey and an onion? An ass which brings tears to your eyes


I would have something more significant to say but now im brain tired but i still cant sleep. Laters. Enjoy the jokes