redux

Yesterday's affirmations of hope and absolution did not work in the slightest.

I sunk to a new low today. I called Befrienders . I spoke to Ashley. She said its because I'm feeling abandoned and worthless. How astute. I could have told you that Ashley. I must admit, that it felt good to talk about it to a complete stranger. But the good feels only lasted for like less than an hour.

I couldn't sleep. Try as I might it was basically me staring into darkness. Mind racing. Thoughts of her and her. I'm a selfish cunt. I want what others have. And when I don't get them I get all petulant. And for what? Two people who only have temporary permanence in my life? Both of them aren't even in the same country for God's sake. They don't owe me shit.

Why? Why? Why do I feel this way? It's fucking driving me nuts.

I must resolve to forget them. Forge ahead.
I must resolve to forget them. Forge ahead.
I must resolve to forget them. Forge ahead. 
I must resolve to forget them. Forge ahead.

Why? I'm supposed to be stronger than this goddamn it.