Dad

I remember when I was back in school I used to hate Moral Studies. Other than the obvious reasons of redundancy, I hated Moral Studies especially when they talked about family. Oh how nice, mummy and daddy live together in the same mansion as you. Daddy is an accountant and mummy's a house wife. You went to Melbourne, Australia for your holiday with both your parents and you had a blast and were so thankful for mummy and daddy being able to take you for a holiday. One big fucking happy family. When it came to my turn that was the lie I used. Yes, everything was A-OK at the Teh residence. We all lived together as one big fucking happy family.

I remember the night my dad said he wasn't coming home. We had dinner on a Friday as usual. Just me, sis and him. Mum never went for certain reasons. This particular evening, after dinner, dad didn't drive in. He stopped in front of the house and said "I won't be coming back" or something to that effect. I didn't understand it then. Mum was crying. It was to be revealed later that dad went to live with his other family.

I remember, after kong kong died, the woman asked me why I didn't introduce her to my mom's side of the family come to pay their respects. I tried to be civil for his sake and dodged the question. She persisted. She said "Why, you're scared your mom would be angry at you if you introduced me to your uncle and aunty? Come on la, your parent's are already divorced." It was a good thing I was sitting in the back and it was dark. You couldn't have seen the sheer hatred on my face and the fists clenched so tight it dug into my palm. You didn't say anything. Nothing. And all I could think of was, THIS is what you left us for?

I remember the panic and the fear I experienced when I brought my blood vomiting dog to the vet. I remember the reckless abandonment I drove with when dad called to tell me the situation. He was so weak and he was hardly the dog I knew he was. He was in so much pain and I could do fuckall to help him. By the Grace of God he survived. He was weak but glad to leave the vet. And after everything, what did the woman have to say despite her complete lack of participation in helping my sick dog? "How much was the bill?". It was almost a thousand ringgit. To which she responded, "Wah! Hmmph.. And you wanted a dog somemore la". The fists tightened again, but the face remained neutral. For your sake. Because despite your lack of imparting life lessons to me due to your absence, I was brought up with more tact. And you didn't say a thing. Not in front of her anyway.

I remember on New Year's eve, I thought you would have been happy to know that I manged to save up about 4000 rm from my salary. It was addressed to you, not her. Of course as usual she just had to knock down the legacy that is me, your fucking son. "4000rm only? Huh, you should have saved more. You can use the card to buy groceries and petrol. Your house is all paid up for and so is your car." I didn't ask for her fucking opinion on something that has nothing to do with her. And yet again, you said nothing. Not in front of her again anyway.

I remember, one of the few life lessons that you tried to impart on me. "Be brave in the face of adversity". I try. I really try. I try to be everything that you want me to be despite the mounting adversities. I try to be a good son inspite of everything. I love you despite everything you've done to this family.

Have I failed you yet again?

Results of Unemployment #3

Being the sort who's unemployed( but not from lack of trying, much) allows one to read a large number of books and movies/shows. Said activities do not in fact bring much in terms of self improvement by learning new skills unless it's a survival/field guide by Bear Grylls (and comes packaged with flash frozen elephant poo and DVD entitled "Wolf shit and other delectable survivor food). Sadly the only pseudo useful book that I have read is Max Brook's Zombie Survival Guide for, you know, defending against the zombie threat. Yeah, you're all laughing now, but we'll see who's laughing when your zombie girlfriend takes oral sex to a whole other painful and decidedly deadly level. But seriously, for a humour book it's pretty well written. So well written that your suspension of disbelief will have you subconsciously going "Head shot kills zombies" and then go "boom, head shot" with your imaginary pistol when you see your nemesis on the street. Do people still use that word anymore in a non fantasy/sci fi context? I know enemy is a fine word, but nemesis just gives it so much more epicness. And I hate the fact that douchbaggy people have annexed the word epic as an adverb/adjective to their douchbaggery. Bastards. I hate you worse than a Scottish man who missed his flight because of Eyjafjallajökull's volcanic ash hates Iceland. Heh...Eyjafjallajökull. It's as fun to write as it is to pronounce.

Going with the theme of the week, God bless American tv. I mean no offense to Spana Jaya or Akademi Fantasia, but we're literally starving for good tv over here. If you look at local tv schedules 60%-75% of the programming's American and/or British. And then you have your Hong Kong drama's which are, surprise surprise, from Hong Kong. Let's just say, since the death of P Ramlee, we havent had anything worth watching on tv that isn't the news and even that's, well, you know. coughpropogandacough. And you're surprised at why Astro is so successful and therefore a monopolizing force in an industry that has no competition to speak off? With the advent of P2P file sharing and the freedom of internet usage(take that China) we(those who are tech savvy enough anyway) are able to indulge in our inner Americana. Currently watching;

Lost *last season. I bet we still won't get it ;

Cougar Town *yes, the name is implies exactly what you think it means, a town infested with mutant mountain cougars who want to take over the state of North Dakota

The Pacific * Band of Brothers in the Pacific. Replace snowy woods and European towns and Germans with islands, rain and Japs. And no, you still won't know who's who once they put their helmets on

Breaking Bad *Meth, meth and more meth. Also some cancer. Set in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Mexicans welcomed, unlike Arizona

Big Bang Theory * sometimes at night, I think Im Sheldon Cooper and say Bazinga repeatedly while wearing my Green Lantern t shirt

You Have been Watching * Charlie Brooker. Enough said

Animated series (it's not CARTOONS) Ugly Americans, The Simpsons, The Boondocks and Seth Macfarlane's evil triumvirate.

Deadliest Warrior. *it is literally the silliest thing on tv now, besides manswers and wipeout. But like all silly shows it has it appeal set in its silliness. Besides, its fun to see machismo at it's best when combined with ballistic gel, blood pack stuffed dummies, and various pig and beef carcasses all for the benefit of seeing who is the most badass. Kinda like high school really.

The Ultimate Fighter * in its 11th season. If you don't know what it is by now you're of the same intellectual and awareness levels as some of our local politicians. Or you just don't like violence. Now run along and go play with your Lil Buddy's First Kitchen Set from Fisher Price. Gordon Ramsay approved.

Spartacus is everything it's hyped to be. Blood, sand and boobs and delectable dialogue such as "Once again the Gods have seen fit to spread cheeks and insert cock", "Jupiter's cock!" and the brilliant back and forth "I'll fuck your corpse" "With what cock?". Rest assured they're not talking about male chickens.

In addition, am eagerly awaiting the season premiers of Californication, Entourage, Futurama, and Sons of Anarchy. I might be missing something here but meh, I'll find out sooner or later.

And, seeing as I have so much free time on hand, I've counted 20 dead singers/band members/artists in my itunes.

Yeap, that's what my life is like now, books, movies and waiting for replies from the 9 or so companies which have my resume but are no doubt playing office basketball with it. Am willing to do odd jobs ranging from security guard/non costumed vigilante to guy who tells you that you look good in EVERYTHING you wear even if it's painfully obvious you look like dried vomit mixed with a little bit of medical waste. Am also sarcastic and cynical enough to fill in for Simon Cowell esque judging duties.

Results of Unemployment #2

so I came across this last night




Firstly, bravo 13Mordeth. I have a mad non homosexual man crush on him now. Watch his video, he's funny. I also seem to have a sudden affinity with Canadians.

Secondly, while highly commendable, it brings one(i.e. me) to think about the current state of affairs in Malaysia. A cop wouldn't even bother responding to a call regarding dog abuse. "Aiyah, hanya anjing kan? Tak perlu bikin buat report" is how the imaginary though highly probable conversation with our fine men and women of the PDRM would sound like if the actual situation were to happen here, before said servant to the rakyat would promptly share a cigarette with hypothetical dog abuser and tell funny "How many minorities would it take to....." jokes. Neither would there be a fine young upstanding citizen and dog lover to assist another because, a) it's Malaysia and we're a generally apathetic society and b) it's Malaysia. Which is to say, animal abuse in this country is rampant and ambivalent and nothing is being done to address this issue, despite the numerous efforts of Sabrina Yeap and the SPACA and PAWS and the too few genuine dog lovers in Malaysia. Re Rocky, DBKL pound's inhumane methods of pet control, Pulau Ketam, and the many many many other reported and unreported cases of animal abuse. I hope karmic forces transplant you lot into a family guy episode entitled road to the multiverse alternate reality where dogs and humans have a role reversal and they can all dump you on an island and you can all play Survivor human pets sans the off screen buffets and Jeff Probst initiated challenges and the all too real possibility that you might die or resort to cannibalism which, truthfully, would boost ratings. With the snuff aficionado audience range anyway.

Now's the part where I encourage you all to support your local animal welfare centres and NGOs, but then again you're all Malaysian, and an Indian working in Dubai searching for "Indian sex fuck" on google, and one Polish guy who searched for "Kesha's tik tok lyrics+interpretation", Im not going to waste my time. You know the links and the proper channels, you don't need my self righteous ass to tell you what to do.

Oh and yes, I do love trolling around the internet starting random conversations with random strangers on comment sections and chatboxes (Hi Kenny Sia!) with topics ranging from trailer park trash cuisine to hand towel rack proximity and location in one's bathroom.

Home or something like it

reedited to be more emo than originally intended. you have been forewarned.

Unless you have the perception and observation skills of a zombie who's brain has rotted due to exposure to the elements, yes Im back in Malaysia. I won't say that I'm glad to be back. I mean yeah, I'm on familiar grounds again, with familiar faces and a familiar routine. And I'm beginning to hate it. I hate the weather, the not quite adequate internet speed and a very very limited cable/satellite tv channel selection that really doesn't have to give a damn about paying customers and are free to charge whatever they want because of a lack of competition, i.e. a fucking monopoly. I also hate the fact that I'm not adjusting to well to the hermit, independent lifestyle which I had before I left. The whole bills and general household upkeep bullshit which I was free of for a blissful 1 1/2 months. But, life goes on I suppose. It has to.


Yeah, I think it's safe to admit it now. I miss my mom. A lot. I actually cried when I heard her voice on the phone, despite telling myself before that I wouldn't. I don't know why. I guess, after not seeing her for a couple of years, spending all that time with her, I felt that maternal connection that I missed all those years just come back again. I was just so used to doing without, it's just a shock to the system, and now that it's gone again, I feel nothing but a big empty void. And that brings me to tears. Shit, even as I type I can feel that lump in my throat and the welling up of tears. I just really miss my mom... I miss the lost years of coming home to see my mom cooking mee siam because she knows its my favourite. I miss the fact that she used to send and pick me up from school and always told me she loved me no matter how much of a bastard brat I was being that given day. I miss her ability to inadvertently or not, make me laugh, sometimes at her, or with her, but regardless she made me laugh. I missed how she used to, and still does, move heaven and earth to make me happy, whether as a snot nosed kid or today as a emotionally fragile manchild. I miss her reassurances that everything's going to be ok and that how everything she has ever done, fucked up divorce and a cheating husband, inevitable difficulties and uncertainties at moving and settling in a new country and all, everything was and always will be done in the best interest of her children. I hate how much of a bastard I can be to her because I just can't deal with my emotions and take it out on her. And she still loves me inspite and despite all the bullshit I've done that would have made mothers made of lesser steel lift their arms up to the heavens and curse them for such an ungrateful child. I know it's a little early now, a week actually, but I just wanted to wish you Happy Mother's day mom. I miss you and love you.

In connection to that, I've tried to hide these feelings, show that I'm a big man, that I'm not the emotional train wreck that I so clearly am. And I fear civil and ofttimes heart warming gestures with an old and dear acquaintance have been irrevocably damaged again, and it may be that the path to redemption or something like it has been lost forever, despite bridges that had been so lovingly restored, only to be crushed in the violent and capricious tempest that is my character flaw in being, as she termed it, sticky to the point annoyance. It was, in the end a facade behind a facade. I countered, jousted and brought that mistakenly assumed intelligent mind to fore in the fare thee well speech, in an effort to seem less sticky, annoying and above all clingy, to show that I've changed, that I'm not the man she knew all through all those 10 years. I was trying so hard that I inevitably became everything that I dreaded to become. I was needier than ever. I hid the underlying cause of simply wanting a shoulder to cry on, as I've done on countless occasions for her, though she seems to forget this, or rather, thinks my flaws far outweigh those occasions of tenderness and support. Plain fact of the matter is, I was wrong. My defenses crumbled, my own motto Veritas Nunquam Perit and Quarae Verum were lost in a speech that was impassioned for all the wrong reasons. Yes, I deserved to get slapped with my own words. It seems the adage "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" rang and rung in a crushing crescendo in a domino effect that is my loosing control of my emotions and the shit hitting the fan. I don't know what happens now. I don't even know myself.

Rest assured I've cried more times than I can remember just writing this damn post.

All is dust..

Americana #7

Well, this is the last post from America. Oddly I don't feel all that sad about leaving. Oh sure, I'll miss good ol' American tv and internet. I'll miss the food which, sadly, has contributed to a less than massive more than slight weight gain in the past month and a half. I'll miss the mostly friendly Americans and how easy it is to talk to them. I'll miss the weather. Any weather that makes one wear a coat a majority of the time one is outdoors is a positive in my climate book. And last but certainly not least, I'll miss my mom.

This trip, sad to say, has lost it's edge slightly over the last trip. For one I didn't travel as much, besides Pala Casino. I was sadly unable to fill my bag with MMA apparel as I initially planned to, but well, no big deal. Same thing with the books and my mostly biased opinion that with the exception of Kinokuniya, Malaysia has shit bookstores still stands. We're just not a culture who're into books that much. I have a somewhat excited yet uncertain and perdition filled feelings about my future employment once I arrive home but I'm not that worried. I'm not unemployable. I'm just picky. For my sake or others, that is yet to have been decided.

American tv has rotted my brain. I can hardly think of a more interesting way to end this Americana series from Ju-Rants and yet all im concerned about is The Pacific episode 7's download progress. And in a way, I guess that what this whole trip was about. Living the American dream of having the ability to laze in the decadence that is the advancement of the American culture, lifestyle and technology and it's impact on the rest of us. I have enjoyed, savored and reveled in the Bacchusian like sedentary that is Americana and yet, I have had my fill of locusts. That's what this trip has taught me; I can have all this if I work hard and bring in the cheddar( slang for money. See also, moolah, bread, greens, dough, lolly,dosh, spondullas, dead presidents and clams)

So in the end, my epiphany was the very same one that inspired the first settlers in America and made it the nation that it is today. The pursuit of happiness. Ok well technically it was in the Declaration of Independence but I would like to think that the settlers felt the same way as well. Damn you History Channel...

Americana #6

Ipad. Seen it, fondled it, used the free apps and made that mexican man wait for the longest time for me to be done with my free demo unit. There are other demo units as well Jose..

Briefly stepped into Hooters for potential gift buying, only to find that it had the same effect on me as it did 2 years ago wherein my field of vision tends to go about 30-45 degrees lower and my words tend to come out garbled when the staff there interact with me. I can't for the life of me imagine why...

Had a white lady and her little chihuahua come up to me while I was smoking outside the house and say "It's good of you smoke outside the house". I could not tell if she was being sarcastic or not. Her little dog smelled my Malaysian feet and wagged her non existent tail. I guess we know where residual sambal goes...

"How ya doing" is the American equivalent of the English "You'realright?"(Its not a typo. Thats how you pronounce it, as one word). No reply is expected or acceptable other than "Good" or "How ya doing" back. They do not want to hear your life story when you reply "I'm not good because.....".

Was mistaken for a Vietnamese outside Vietnamese restaurant. Be amazed at my non American accented but nonetheless fluent English....

Comparative to most Caucasian males over age 30, I look like a fitness instructor. Against contemporary youths and other Asians, not so much. Cover story, if ever asked, is that I'm an ex sumo champion from Malaysia that had to retire due to injury *cue fake limping. Marvel at my little than above average height and build little Asians of pure Asian and not mixed blood heritage...

Reluctantly hung out with mom listening to popular American music played by live band at a mall outdoors in somewhat cold weather while watching baseball game through Iphone. Saw old lady reenact her Woodstock flower power glory days moves. Funky.... Saw a somewhat slow to react boy in glasses attempting to dance to said music but only managed to shake toy in hand in what I must imagine he must be imagining is a tambourine. Eavesdropped and found out he was special. Not judgmental...

Have been semi forced to watch dancing with the stars. It bores me. I hope Kate Goslin goes out next. Go back to being an octo mom...

Should be reviewer for American tv shows with Malaysian perspective. However, would be encouraging more pirated downloads of said tv shows since censorship board in Malaysia has ass that's tighter than a seahorse's. Will consider further...

Mom pronounces Penelope as the way one would pronounce antelope. Please laugh after saying that out loud or in your head...

Writing in both first and third person. Don't know why...

No links, no pictures,no songs. End...

Post script; interestingly " ... " denotes that the speaker has let his voice trail off, as though he were leaving something unsaid. or a long pause. or an interruption. and no, "..." = not a face.

Americana #5.5

One thing I do in fact find endearing about Americans is that they never seem to be an inhibited bunch. I don't mean they're the type who go around saying "Fuck your mom" all the time, but they'll pretty much say whatever it is they're thinking about you straight to your face. And it's funny as hell, deliciously more so when used with American sarcasm. I used to think that American humour was a poor and slightly less funnier than the dry sarcastic wit that is their English cousins, but Americans are certainly funny in their own way. I don't know the number of times I've actually laughed inside quietly, or LIQ, the antithesis to LOL, after eavesdropping on the natives. I mean granted, not everyone's a gem (eg. fuck your mom) but the clever and funny one's outweigh the stupid "That's what American's are known for" humour. They are, in fact, funny people. But I don't see why that should be surprising. Hollywood has flooded the market with this American brand of humour and everyone seems to love it as evidenced by enthusiastic audience laughter at the cinema( including that over enthusiastic audience member who wheezes his laughs and claps his hands or slaps his knees or impersonates the wicked witch of the west. I'm looking at you Arvinda Kumar a/l Asokkumarran...) and yet, you find that there are people( a lot of people surprisingly) who love to give the whole "Stupid ignorant Americans" or something to that extent speech like it's going out of style. Hypocritical as that may be, maybe one should look in the mirror before passing judgement. I doubt people realize that stupidity is not race or nationality centric. It's just that, due to the uninhibited nature of the Americans as stated above, their stupid one's seem to stand out more than the rest of us. Or ignorance. Just another form of stupidity that's not nation/race centred. Then again, I have my doubts at times and do wonder if the stupid people are really in charge as evidenced by The Hills, Jersey Shore and Jerry Springer. Im not saying I should be forgetting my roots. Hell no, Im Malaysian through and through (note, I said Malaysian, not Chinese first, Malaysian second, American lover third, Porn Aficionado fourth, Neurotic fifth, Scared of Driving sixth, non practicing church attending Christian seventh, middle class bourgeois eighth.....yeah this is keep going to go on and on...). I love my country, but I, like a major majority of the world except North Korea, Kyrgyzstan and everybody's best friend, the region of the Middle East, prefer a big ol' of Americana most of the time because, quite frankly, it's simply just better.

Americana #5

So, unless you live under a rock, don't have any access to media or like me, at times, are just too apathetic to give a shit about various world news and events, which I can totally relate to so it's cool, you would have known that there was an earthquake in Baja which is kinda close to where I am right now, or close enough in earthquake terms as to be able to feel the ground shift beneath my feet. So, as per dear sister's wishes, I'm supposed to give my thought process and describe my experience during the "all too horrible" 20 seconds that broke my earthquake exposure virginity. Yeah, 20 seconds. I feel like one of those guys who briefly touched a celeb and didn't realize it till the next day when you're on TMZ as background guy looking confused #2

So there I was discreetly watching internet porn chatting, watching videos and doing general online stuff, when I suddenly felt the ground lurch beneath me. At first I thought I was having a really bad headache, the room spinning and being unstable and all that. The various knick knacks on the shelves started to shake as well. What actually cinched it for me was the fact that the light fixture, in all its semi-mini chandelier like glory started to swing on it's own accord. And how did I greet this first experience with mother nature on bitch mode? With a half question/half stating the obvious expression of "Earthquake....?". At that point the ground lurched again, this time almost expelling me from the chair and the first thing I did was run like a little girl briskly walk towards the closes archway. Hiding under the table was not an option as it was made of glass. Despite popular belief, there was no ominous rumbling as Hollywood has repeatedly shown us in films such as Earthquake, Earthquake 2: Rumble harder, Earthquake 3: The final rumble and its spinoff, Aftershock: The aftermath. And 2012 as well I suppose. It was more akin to experiencing bad turbulence on the plane except you're on the ground, which should up the terror level quite a bit. So there I was, standing in an archway, looking at the swinging light fixture, listening to glasses clink and furniture creak. And then it stopped. Just like that. Like a hot date who has prematurely cummed and out of embarrassment covered their shame and left in hurry. Girls can cum prematurely too btw, you sexist. So what would one do post earthquake? Well, in this great modern(some would say post modern, though till this day I have no fucking idea what that means) day and age the first thing I did was check twitter feeds to make sure that I wasn't the only going through a Motion Master at Gentingesque experience through inadvertent consumption of PCP and other hallucinogens. Suffice to say, I wasn't. The next step in the guide to media awareness for the new 21st century man? CNN of course, with their up to the minute report and "breaking news", which basically consists of them saying, basically, "we don't know what's happening, all we know is there's been an earthquake. Oh look, amateur footage of people panicking presumably because their fucking house is being shaken up", before segueing to actual news fact by saying its a 7.2 earthquake and they got this from the USGS. So there we were (we being my host and I) standing around, looking at the CNN staff try to make more sense of the "breaking news" all the time wondering if that was just the foreplay to a bigger nature fuck. Fortunately it was not, aside from a small 5 second after shock which put me in the mind of having very bad and uncooked Asian food and imitated hurl like movements in the stomach. Which is to say, yeah, it was that forceful. And I didn't puke, I just said it felt akin to the feeling one had before/during regurgitation. And that was how I lost my earthquake virginity. It was awkward between me and mother nature, like all first times. She rocked my world that's for sure *insert lame earthquake related joke*

In other news, I do not understand Kesha's tik tok. Already with the bad spelling... Further more;

Wake up in the morning feelin like P Diddy
(You wake up feeling like a black man? Or.. is there a more sexual connotation here?)

Put my glasses on, Im out the door, Im gonna hit this city
(You're not going to brush your teeth first?)

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of jack
(Oh. And with a bottle of jack. Not shot, not a sip, but a whole bottle. I guess it's got alcohol to kill germs so it's cool)

Cause' when I leave for the night I ain't coming back
(Then where will you stay? Oh, friend's house.. ok)

Im talking- pedicure on our toes toes
(Yes I know know, where the fuck else would you get a pedicure?)

Trying on our clothes clothes
Boys blowing up our phones phones
Drop topping - playing our CDs
(Ok so im assuming you're with friends friends now. And you didn't repeat CDs because CDs CDs tak rasa sedap?)

Pulling up to parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy
(Er... didn't you just brush your teeth with bourbon? I think you're way past the tipsy level)

Chorus
Don't stop make it pop
DJ blow my speakers up (hey, speakers are expensive ok?)
Tonight Imma' fight ( so im assuming you were a participant at those underground fight scenes)
Till we see the sunlight (ok, you woke up in the morning, got a pedicure, tried on your clothes and then listened to your CDs. That takes the whole fucking day?
Tick tock on the clock but the party dont stop (At this point I think time is the least of your concerns)
Woah oh oh oh x2 (Yeah, alcohol sometimes makes one a little bit unsteady)

Ain't got a care in the world but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket but I'm already here
(Look out for this alcohol mixing and drinking over achiever folks..)
Now the dudes lining up because they think we got swagger
(That's not a swagger, that's trying not to fall on your alcohol addled asses)
But we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
(Have you seen Mick Jagger lately*? Beer goggles much?)
Im talking about - everybody getting crunk crunk
Boys trying to touch my junk junk
Gonna smack him if he gettin' too drunk drunk
Now now we goin' till they kick us out out
Or the police shut us down down
Police shut us down down
Po Po shut us-
(I have no respect for people who use the word crunk(damn your black soul to hell Justin "Demonicus" Timberlake) or people who have to repeat things twice unless it's a medical condition. And calling the police po po? What is this the early 90s?)

*I know the link has a similar opinion to mine. Now, when there is a quorum of similar thought among the populace, that's what some would call a consensus wouldn't you agree?

Yeah, this is the part of Americana I don't really care much for. Then again, freedom and all that good stuff right?

Wow, aside from the earthquake part, this was pretty damn unoriginal.

Americana #4

I know its not Friday yet but I'm just really bored right now. And you will forgive me for my lack of interest in Californian real estate principles.

The weather has dropped considerably the past few days. To the oh fuck its cold i need to wear some socks indoors but not long pants because a) im a manly man and b) I don't have any long pants that aren't jeans, levels. With the drop in temperature comes a sudden bout of mini melancholy. I say mini because I get easily distracted by other things and I don't dwell on the subject of my discontent for more than 5 minutes. Fighting (the watching of and not the actual participation), ice hockey, baseball and football seem to provide ample and delightful distractions. That, along with copious amounts of shows such as Lost, the Pacific, Big Bang Theory, The Simpsons, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show, Ugly Americans, Southpark, Justified and, (sigh..) Life Unexpected. I know, I said I wouldn't watch it again, but, shit, I just have to find out what happens in the end. Granted, when the drama starts my mind starts to zone out to my own Ju's cut of how the scene should have gone (Shiri Appleby, 6 years younger, in a bikini) but damn my neurotic need to finish something I always start. Exceptions apply to Heroes post second season and The Sopranos due to lack of availability and aversion to a lack of violence in a mob show. Hey remember the OC? Man, I really wanted to do Mischa Barton. Key word being wanted. Past tense.

I have also rediscovered my lost passion for music, specifically rap pre 50 cent and kanye west and rediscovering oldies. I can't believe I didn't listen to david bowie earlier. Now there was a pioneer in avant garde strangeness. Fuck Lady Gaga. Of course there's also one hit wonder Boston (see below), Journey, Peter Frampton, Jefferson Airplane, so on and so forth. In rap, we have Common, Dr Dre's Chronic, Wu Tang, and 2pac of course. Hell, throw in some Miles Davis while you're at it.

Yeap, thats what its mostly come down to here. Watching shows all day long, when not reading real estate principles or jogging and shadowboxing to the tunes of those listed above. Or eating microwavable Philly Cheesesteaks or left overs which almost always consists of fried rice somehow. Yeap... Living the high life. That's the Real Americana. The ability to make things, intangible or otherwise, that will eventually touch everyone in the world one way or another. Even the penis sheath wearing natives of Papua New Guinea. It will touch us, this foreign but highly entertaining and some might say "awesome" culture, and we will all love, one way or another, despite your denials.

It beats me beating my ______ off (you can fill in the blanks if you want too, or leave as is) .

Regarding post rant #94, yeah we all need to rant once a while. Especially when in the grips of mini melancholy. What? The Pacific didn't download yet, we ran out of cheesesteaks and there weren't any games on tv. Oh yeah.. I could have read something non law related. But still, yeah.. we just need to vent and rant sometimes. And last I recall, its called ju-rants, not ju's big bites of Americana. In pink. And short shorts. I just thought of Perez Hilton and I want to vomit. *Ricky Martin singing "Shake your bon bon" *hurls. Speaking of which, can one work at GLAAD and not be gay? And if being gay was a prerequisite, wouldn't that be reverse discrimination?

In God's eyes,

everybody's hot,

This world has beauty all through her,

Picture the fattest chick you know,

God would totally do her,

He'd do her all the way,

even call her the next day,

to see how work was going.

Thank you family guy. The song's called (In God's Eyes) Everybody's Hot by Hand full of Peter. You can listen to it here. It's after noble indian chief(which is also a pretty good song).

So, you must be thinking "wah, Ju-lian, how come you can write so much wan ar?". Well, it's basically just shit going on in my head at that exact given time. For eg;

Mila Kunis --> Hot--> Forgetting Sarah Marshall-->Judd Apatow-->Superbad--> McLovin'-->Christopher Mintz-Plasse-->funny surname-->Kickass-->Comic-->Upcoming movie-->How to train your Dragon-->3d--> Dudley Death Drop-->Tables-->KFC-->hungry

yeah, thats just an example of my thought process. How i got through Law school I'll never know.

Giggaty. You should get a prize for getting to the end of that load of crap. Fresh salmon?

More Than a Feeling

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin' away

So many people have come and gone
Their faces fade as the years go by
Yet I still recall as I wander on
as clear as the sun in the summer sky

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin' away

When I'm tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
and dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
She slipped away

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see Marianne walk away


Been hearing this fucking song all day. On the radio, on Scrubs, on Pechanga's ad, while watching "The men who stare at goats", the Sopranos.

Yeah, I know a few who slipped away as well.