Blue forever!

lately, blogging has become something akin to that of a chore. nay, like a 3000 word assignment. i generally know what i want to write and what my position is on certain issues but getting thoughts into words is kinda difficult. i shall attempt to do so and see whether the creative spark of my muse is still there or she up and left me for another unimaginative unkindred spirit, the bitch that she is. mind, as per the status quo, and since nothing has pissed me off in the last few days, the format of this inkling(typing should be the more appropriate here but then again, im complicated) of thoughts in to words.

In line with world cup the mind has procured for there to be a rant on football.Not that its any of your business but im a Chelsea fan. since 1992 and not 2002 where the club have an excess of unwanted band wagon jumpers and psychophants. for all u non football fans out there the reason for this disgusting but human display of kiasu-ness is due to the new owner of the club, a certain Russian billionaire by the name of Roman Abramovich which has injected millions into the club and through casue and effect have caused chelsea to win back to back league titles as of 2005-2006( the firsts since 1955). this is the view most currently held by naysayers of the club, certain old guard fans of Manchester United and Liverpool specifically and by everyone else not a chelsea fan generally. They claim we bought the title with the wealth of talent that has been bought through Mr Abramovich's billions. to that.. i say fuck off and leave the club alone and do your talking on the football field. Manchester United is a great club with a lot of talented players and i certainly respect the football team and not their money. And who is to say they have not spent as well in order to win?Here in lies a comparrison(all transfer fees are in pounds sterling) Rio Ferdinand cost 30 million. Juan Sebastian Veron cost 28.1 million. Wayne Rooney cost cost 27 million. Ruud Van Nistelrooy cost 18.5 million. Louis Saha and Cristiano Ronaldo both cost around 12 million each. There are other transfers which are disclosed. all in all a neat tidy sum of 150 million spent over 6 years. Liverpool similarly have spent 55 million over the past 6 years on transfers on players such as Djibril Cisse, Harry Kewell, Luis Garcia, Xabi Alonso, Mohammad Sissoko, Steve Finnan and Peter Crouch. This is not counting the ammount they spent during their glory years in the 80's and the ammount they spent on players back then if compared to today's transfers. Another team in point is the ever famous Real Madrid. They themselves have spent 200 million on players such as Luis Figo, Zinedine Zidane, Ronaldo, Baptista, Robinho,Cicinho,Ze roberto, Michael Owen, David Beckham and many other top football stars. Chelsea, in the course of 4 years have spent 270 million on its current first squad. This is the most ever spent in the club's 100 year history. Excessive? I think not. Before chelsea were the old guard that was the above clubs mentioned. they spent the ammount the spent in their time and then it was considered a huge sum for some of the players. And they had their own millionares supporting them. And they were all successful clubs. All have won their respective league cups as well as the Champions League Cup(the biggest trophy in European club football). And how have they becomed so successful? Thats right my observant reader... through spending as well. If they had the financial backing that Chelsea had believe you me they would have done the same spending as us, though i would concur that we did it in just 4 years and these old guard clubs have been at it for a while. You could say then, that we're catching up with the times. A team that wins is a happy team with happy fans. If not why create a club and have a league competition? We have the means to achieve this so why not utilize it? Please, petty jealousy is tasteless.No offence is meant to Man U/Liverpool/ Real Madrid fans. These are all awesome teams and im sure your loyalty to them is a fierce as mine. But face the facts, money or otherwise, the blue revolution is here and its here to stay. Another reason why chelsea in 4 years have becomed the most hated club in England is the fact that we have a loud, obnoxious and over confident manager by the name of Jose Mourinho. I have seen many managers in 14 year love affair with the blues such as Ian Potterfield, David Webb, Glen Hoddle, Ruud Gullit, our manager player Gianluca Vialli and the ever lovable Mr Claudio Ranieri. They were in their time good servants to the club but none have failed to deliver the league trophy, that which the club desires since 1955 where we last won it other than Mr Mourinho. Love him or hate him(most likely the latter) he has delivered and no one can deny that he is a masterful tactician. The obnoxiousness he brings is appalling to a long time fan like me and sometimes his comments irks the fuck out of me and i can understand the ire of rival club fans towards mr mourinho. Truly i do. But no one is perfect(Mr Mourinho would disagree with me on this point) and like i said, love him or hate him he has delivered and he is the current club manager, the most successful one. Dont get me wrong, i dislike Mr Mourinho myself sometimes but my love is for the club and not the man. Further, to all the band wagon jumpers.. i dont blame you for supporting a winner. Everyone likes a winner but honestly, you could fuck off. The club does not need your fickle loyalty.

I have spoken much of my love for chelsea pre the abromovich era. I love this team. The perenial nearly men till our russian oil magnate came into the picture. We never had the ronaldos and the zidanes in our time but by God we put up a good fight. Then you have the little wizard, the magic box, the lovable midget, Gianfranco Zola. This man was the player of the century for many blues fan and is personally my favourite player. Twas a sad day when this lovable little italian from Sicily retired. But embodied the spirit of Chelsea FC. Never give up and Miricles can happen. We never played good football all the time but when we did it was a magical moment that left such a strong impression on a 7 year old boy who had no idea what football was at that time that he was to choose a club that he would follow forever. Whether we win the champions league or not next year, whether everyone hates us because of the money or because of mourinho, whether chelsea will be champions or will be relegated, the colour will always be blue for me.


Here at the Bridge whether rain or fine
We can shine all the time
Home or away, come and see us play
You're welcome any day

Blue is the colour, football is the game
We're all together, and winning is our aim
So cheer us on through the sun and rain
'cause Chelsea, Chelsea is our name

CHELSEA!!

and if u dont like it you know what to do. its involves the act of felatio.

nothing like a bit of passion to ignite the rant.

anger

the last post...right.. something blown way out of prportion. well...if u consider paying 250 for replacing the damn bumper and respraying and labour cost and petrol...then its fucking out of proportion isint it you son of a bitch? fuck you very much again.

anger...thats the biggest demon in my life.its hard to repress sometimes but i did like to think i have a pretty good job of it. sometimes. the more repressed it is the more violent it is when i emerges from its chain of moral conscience repression. i dont know. its just...this internal thing which makes me want to repress my anger..but then something can just spark it off and when it sparks it becames a raging conflagaration. it just...explodes. i dont know what im thinking or saying or doing in that kind of state. i've been lucky that i havent done anything that i would regret, hence the need for further repression which leads to further even more volentile outbursts. i dont know if i have an anger management problem or not. i mean, its alright to blow off a little steam sometimes but my way off blowing of steam makes a volcano look like an ant piss(is it scientifically true?). i have often wondered if its due to some repressent memory or something. i dont recall being abnormally angry when i was young or being extremely violent. i mean..i got angry at things which people get normally angered...like infidelity of a loved one or some back stabbing motherfucker who you thought was a friend but was just a snake in the grass etc etc. who dosent get angry at these things? even the pope or dalai lama before achieving their spiritual enlightenment would have been pissed off. so then..how the fuck did my anger over develop. like a friend once said...when told that i sometimes have violent thoughts... too much repressing. is that really it? or am i just inherently a violent psycho? its...scary sometimes...just knowing that at one moment of uncontrolable rage you just might to do something you might regret for the rest of your life. maybe i just need to beat the crap out of someone who really deserves it.. but of course...i would never ever wish a violent death on even the worse of my enemies...but when you get into that red rage.. wishes and good intentions dont really come about. of course, its only a problem if u let it be. one of mental and spiritual fortitude would be able to retain full control of their emotions. mental and spiritual fortitude was never one of my attributes. most of you who know me...you've never seen this part of me. like i've said..i have been very lucky that when the rage comes and nothing regretful happens. except that one time...sorry...sincerly and regretfully. its been a while since that rage has come about but..fuck.sometimes its just scracthing beneath the surface. i can feel it..clenched fist and teeth and all. but practice makes perfect the moral chains of repression. but then nothing is perfect. and that my friends is the scary part.

sorry for the short post...really just dont have any inspiration to just blog. and since its the holidays there's nothing to do. besides world cup.

VAMOS ARGENTINA!!

im not argentinian. but when your country has a fucked up football team and is never going to make it to the world cup while you're still alive or during your grandchildren's lifetime then you tend to adopt a country to support.

return of the angst

well howdy. a return to the good ol' "blogsphere", that seductive little bitch that sucks you in with all its nonsensical attractions(like this here blog...and free porn) and then just spits you out like the small insignificant straw in the big fucking hay stack that is life...howdy do. the reason for this long hiatus? the capitalist instrument of peer pressure that we all lovingly call exams. yeah.. sorry.. it was over a week ago but i couldnt be fucked to write anything here. however, as per the norm..something has pissed the fuck out of me and i feel the need for an outlet of this righteous anger(or perceived anger anyway, or just me overeacting...your choice) before i get too violent and start breaking shit. yes..i have done that before and yes i do have a temper, the kind that u keep bottled inside and then something comes along and u explode into a violent rage and you want to hit every in sight. this is almost one of those moments

my fucking car got hit again. why?? why does it always happen to that same car and always when its parked right outside my fucking house? why only my fucking car? WHY?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! FUCK!!!!!! the culprit this time...the fucking construction workers who are fucking laying pipes for the fucking fat cats who live in the fucking bungalows on the hill over looking my fucking house. you bastards. its so fucking obvious that your inept indon workers did the fucking damage and yet you deny. you took a whole fucking chunk off my bumper , there was no one around in fucking sight except you, and how could another car hit my car when its so towards the fucking side of the road that u must have been blind, amputated and retarded all at the same fucking time to hit my car...at eight in the fucking morning. fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. now i have to go through the fucking hassle of making a fucking police report because of u dumb fucks. its bad enough that u start work in the fucking morning when i need to sleep. have u no fucking idea its the fucking world cup? on top of that the ever fucking noisy neighbour's kid who have nothing better to do but shout and shout all day. are they mentally deaf or something or have u just been hitting them on the ear too much u fucking twat? fuck all of you. im trying to fucking relax and all this shit had to hit me now. fuck you very much.

as per usual...i dont give a fuck if u think that was too much swearing or that im overeacting over this shit... sometimes u keep something in too long and all it takes is some small spark like this to ignite an inferno of swearing and non sensical immature fingerpointing and ranting. plus listening to angry music like sepultura and slipknot as this is being typed dosent help much either. .. song that best typifies the current mood right now.. people=shit by slipknot...because thats what most of humanity has becomed. compassion? friendliness? helpful? polite? telling the fucking truth? none of that has exist in the world right now. you self centered greed motivated capitalist fucking pigs.this fucking country especially. i spit on you. trying to say that we are kind, compassionate helpful malaysians? fucking government propaganda to attract fucking tourist. thats what this country has becomed. a big fat fucking whore slut of a government whose only motivation is greed.you can toss out human compassion out the window and watch it smash into a fucking million pieces on the streets of greed. the milk of human compassion has becomed a sordid mire of hypocrisy and runs sour in this fucked up country. what? i cant air my fucking views? tell the fucking truth? what are u going to do? call internal security? the fucking ISA? the fucking secrect police dogs of the government? go the fuck ahead.
ever wondered why ppl like hitler and osama exists? though wrongful in their approach, using violence as a fucking tool which i highly condemn... can you blame them? im not a fucking nazi dick or an overzealous mujahideen/ martyr wanna be and i dont hide behind religion to fucking justify my actions of murdering thousands of ppl so dont get your over sensitive panties up in a fucking bunch. what i am is fucking pissed.for every action there is a reaction. every injustice is a breeding ground for these psycho yahoos. wonder what fuels thier fire...

so sorry for a downer on my return. i know its misguided and a lot of it is just rage talking. but fuck it...i am in a rage now and i dont know how the fuck my banged up car lead to a royal fucking of the government...but hey....freedom to rant insanely is also reciprocated by not believing the crap i just spewed...so u know now that u can fuck off instead of taking this shit from me. dont let the door hit you on the way out. and no fucking penis enlargements ads fucker.

perhaps i'll feel better tomorrow and we can talk about all the good things in life...like the world cup and sex... but for now...fuck it.

i counted 25 fucks mentioned in this entire rant before i got lazy and fucked counting it.

condom rhymes with random

i realized that most of my recent posts have this pre-meditated feel to it. like as if its contents are something that i've been putting a lot of thought into. and i feel personally that my writing has suffered as a result of this pre-meditiveness. hence, randomness shall return and any and all thoughts that enters my mind shall be tabulated onto this new tabula rasa. starting now

radio stations that play fucking pop all the time is the sworn enemy of the last true individuals. the shit they play on the radio now is just....audio suicide. and the bands... simple plan, the click five(ugh), linkin fucking park. what are you doing to the youths of today? everything is so....tragicomedic. ands its always about boy meets girl, girl trifles with boys heart, boy decides to write song to tell her how he really feels about her which would either be : a) i love you so much but its so sad that you dont see it, or b) i hate you, i shouldnt have wasted time on you and im moving on but i just have to sing this song to you so that you'll regret losing a great guy like me. blech. whatever happen to being righteously angry? what happen to all the songs about the injustice being suffered around the world? Palestine, Iraq, the entire fucking African continent? whatever happen to awareness songs? i mean true, no one wants to feel sad and depressed at the state of affairs of the world right now which is thoroughly shittier than shit, but come on, songs about breakups/ getting a girl? true, the bible does state that we should all go forth and multiply, but fuck...arent we overdoing it? the spreading of love and happy gummy gum drops false insecurity? yeah yeah...you got talent....five fucking chords and teeny booper looks and you're set. i mean, is this what you really want your kids listening to? wouldnt u rather they had a good dose of reality and listened to some good ol' rage who tells it like it is? or how about some righteous anger from sepultura? fuck...even indie rock sounds good right about now. here comes the part where i have to say that im generalizing about a majority of bands and there are a few good ones out there who i do genuinely respect and are happy that they are doing mainstream so it can help them settle their bills and put food on the table. yeah, they are reaching the masses but then they are sending out the right kind of message, though what you construe it to be may be at your hazard but you sure as hell not going to find click fucking five's "catch a fucking wave" so fucking meaningful. im sorry for the general biasness, but i just hate fucking click five. not the band as individuals, but what they stand for and what they are trying to convey to the current and future youth. this is your seeds of discontent that you have sown corporate world.. and sooner or later you're gonna reap it with a bloody harvest.

im sure that going to very likely or unlikely cause some ppl to frown and say, oh god you're just so disconnected from the world or why dont you write happy things...you always write sad things and bla bla bla idiotic babble from ppl who dont really know me or thought they knew me but were sadly mistaken. look, i appreciate your genuine or false concern for my happiness, but really, i dont feel the need to be all sugary and false right now. i feel a large discontentment in my life and there's nothing you can do about it. so please. thank you and fuck you at the same time. you are sincerely, on my part, appreciated for your concern. and please, cussing is a freedom of expression. and you have the freedom of choice to fuck off if u dont like me. and to the penile growth guy....im genuinely happy with the size of my dick now and i dont feel the need to kill myself if it dosent get any bigger. you on the other hand need to kill yourself for posting and advertisement on a comment section on the blog. seriously, 9 out of 10 suffer slow and painful cancerous death from stupidity. if u did like i can help you with your euthanism. very willing and able to at least wipe out a certain defect in human evolution such your kind self.

on that same vein, humanity has gone to hell. to quote someone, to yearn is to abuse your God given free will. Hence we have wars, rapes, incest, murder and the general dehumanization of our species. but then again, God in his infinite wisdom has created the perfect filter system. the good and the bad. but then there was a flaw in this.... one man's terrorist is another mans freedom fighter. humaniy has evolutionized to such a perfect state where the lines between good and evil have been totally blurred. we think murderers should be shot and hanged or at least locked up away for good. see the irony. we despise the killing of our own kind and yet we kill one of our own. and war? its the biggest irony of all. bloodshed for harmony. bullets for roses. bombs for safety. chaos for order. you get the general picture. we fucked up big time. but look at the bright side.. at least you arent a fucking robot without any feelings, passions or...dare i say...hopes and dreams. yeah..its all intangible... but at least im not a robotic automaton...yet.

check out these bands for a good dose of non radio friendliness and comformity... Ramallah, Mastadon, Arcade Fire, The Decemberist, Band of Horses and hey...a little Pavement never hurt.

there...that wasnt so bad was it? a good dose of angst and random thought. please feel free to add another penile enhancement into my comments. i could always count on your intellect for some laughter.

Comparisons

the convulsions keep getting more violent with every passing cough. my joints hurt and my fever is getting worse everyday. my lungs are just just so much phlegm. that lingering lethargic feeling. and all of this...all this suffering so i can quit smoking. withdrawal is a bitch. my bad i guess... i tried to be a hero and do the whole mind over matter bullshit by doing it cold turkey. honestly, someone who smokes 40 a day does that, its called suicide. fuck the power of the mind .. its my body thats suffering now. and i dont care if u could do it or u have more willpower than me...im not you. thanks for the support at least. so...status report.. i cant do cold turkey but i'll try to cut down. now its about 10 per day...and its lights no less. but withdrawal still keeps coming..but then i guess the adage of no pain no gain really applies here huh? Jesus...my head.
so why the decision to stop(or at least attempt to)? quite simply...im broke and the chest pains are getting a tad bit more uncomfortable than i would like. plus..when im over in the uk, im not going to pay rm21 just for a pack of tens, so might as well get a head start on the quitting game. naysay me if u want....it really dosent matter because mostly i couldnt give a fuck but also im determined...this time anyway.

law ball....was an experience to say the least. a bad one. most of you already know about the dance floor incident so i shant repeat myself. all i can say is, you've sunk to a new low, which makes you even more ironically attractive. its that whole forbidden fruit/ love to hate hate to love syndrome. this is a new chapter in the mystery that is you. its makes for good reading and i cant wait to see what the next chapter brings. hopefully we're getting to the end. it has to..
the rest of you...its easy to look from the outside and so flippantly dismiss this and that and give your all knowing condescendance on me.. yeah...you and i have different experiences, different ways of seeing things, different ways of moving on(or in some cases...clinging on). but then again..you're forgetting a very important aspect...im not you.

i think thats what i was trying to drive home. comparisons. how can we always compare ourselves to someone else? must we? do we? the subconscious answer is yes. secretly we just want to be that someone we perceive is everything we want to become. Segregated,because we wont admit it to ourselves. we want to be better than we currently are. no shame in that. only problem i see is why the comparisons. we're all special in our own way. if we need examples and guidelines then its all right to compare. but when comparison brings about self doubt and the reduction of self esteem...then fuck it. whatever it is...we are who we are. perfection dosent need clones. only self choice and self determination.

i know...my entries are getting shorter and losing relevance....im losing my spark....
fuck

propaganda

lately, there has been this government campaingn(propoganda more likely) to get everyone to be more courteous and polite. while admirable, i think its just plaine stupid. you cant force someone to be nice without sincierity. budi bahasa budaya kita my ass. courtesy was never ever part of the malaysian culture. the fact of the matter is we're just too conditioned to the dog eat dog kiasu mentallity that has been instilled in us since time immemorial to be just better than everyone else. true, on a moderate level its a very positive value to have. but re my last post, we just dont have it in us to be courteous. oh, we can if we want to. we all have that small tiny spark of apathy in us called conscience to be just considerate enough not to slam that door into someone's face. or to keep your tongue in check when your betters are speaking to u. but how many times have u seen this happen recently? as i've mentioned before, people are cruelly nice. being courteous is done out of self serving needs, which is a total juxtaposition of the true meaning of the word. government servents (malaysian govt. servents anyway)smiling and being helpful, bah, fanciful visions. they're only doing it so they dont get fired. again, self serving. holding the elevator door open for the girl in the hot pants and tank top but not for the lady wearing a tudung. again, self serving. for further examples just look at the mentallity of the typical malaysian road user. generalizing here obviously. im sure most of you arent selfish unsincere malaysians. sure. we all have episodes of pure malaysian bitchiness/basterd-ness in us sometimes and i wont be the first to deny it. i have been a bastard to a lot of ppl and i have my own episodes of being nice to help myself. re the examples i've just given. truly, i am sorry. i try to be courteous as best as i can, but, along with being an asshole, there are also limits as to being an angel. sometimes its just not worth the effort to be courteous and friendly to someone. because the other person cant to the same to you. again, there are limits to being so selfless. what im just trying to convey is.. dont be an asshole and at the same time to be such a people pleaser. dont be so selfish and yet be so totally selfless as to forget your own interest.

moderation being the key word here. but then again, humans are creatures of extremes.

habeas corpus

yeah i know... i've been missing, so to speak, from blogsphere.well, here your writ for habeas corpus. my excuse for my absense is just the lack of creative spark. there is no inspiration, no need or want to write. no effort on my part. plaine and simple, im just lazy. that and i dont seem to have anything to write. i do not feel the need to bore you with the minute details of the daily going ons in my life(unless of course if i get laid. u did be the first to know). i guess then this is just a refresher to let all of u know that im still alive and still angst ridden.

regrets, yeap, i had many, as im sure many of us do. that feeling of inadequate(or too much, in some certain cases) effort to have done something. its interesting to think about the what ifs in life. but then again, whats the use? quoting a dear friend of mine, chances in life are like comets, once they've passed, we'll never see them again in this lifetime. so hence, thinking about what ifs are not worth the lingering hangover effects which comes with regrets. unless u like being drunk on regret like me of course. i guess u can call me a fan of what ifs. what if i never met you? would life have been better off without you? what if i had evolved some balls and actually asked you out instead of being over cautious? what if i studied harder? what if life was little more different? the questions and regrets that come along with it. good thing i've sobered up. goodbye comets. welcome earth shattering reality. the fact is i've already met you and life isint any better. the fact is i was a coward and should have asked you out before u had a bf but i guess its a little too late now.the fact is i didnt study hard enough to get into exeter. so fuck it. the only thing you can do is get on with life . maybe learn a few lessons before stubbing your toe again. true, sometimes the mind teather does play reruns of a few horror memories. it happens, human nature is as such. clingy like a cling film(ok...so that wasnt the world's most creative analogy). but hey, get on with life. time heals all except self doubt.

btw, tiesto was great. the music, the company, the eye candy which was capable of giving the soul diabetes. there was that bit about unexplainable cuts and bruises sustained in the aftermath and the usual macho bullshit of pushing and shoving and staring but nevertheless a great night. everything but the girl. yes, im aware that getting a gf seems to be a priority these days. a rational and irrational explanation, we want a connection, an intimate connection, a connection that can only come from something so exqusite yet so savagely vulgur such as a another human.it sucks to be disconnected. true, i did rather prefer my own company at times, but as it was written by silverchair, i dont want to be lonely, i just want to be alone. misses right, im pretty sure i've seen you in this infinately complex world. im just waiting for you.

the last i've heard, evolution was an advancement and not a back step. this is especially true in regards to mentality in general and to malaysians in specific. there is always this need to be the fisrt in everything and to be the best in everything we do. that mentality in itself is not a bad thing to have, but malaysians, we just fucking mute that into something so totally disgusting. the amazing phenomenon of being kia su(literally scared to lose in hokkien). we are so insecure about ourselves in public that we have to be perfect in every little detail that we do, from getting the first parking spot while disregarding the feelings of others till committing suicide if we get a bad result for our exams. this need to be so fucking thin because apparently its cool to be aneroxicly thin.the need to be sycophants. sometimes it makes one wonder, why the fuck should we care? it is worth it getting so worked up about the misguided deeds of fools? the answer is one i have already given. a lack of connection,this time with theirselves and their own self doubts. i feel more pity for these ppl than scorn. if only they were more connected with themselves. and i dont mean that in a condescending way. and another thing that grinds my gears, the mentaliy of certain malaysian girls. look, just because i ask you out for lunch does not mean i want to get into your pants. yeah, maybe i may have slight ulterior motives in eventually asking you to be my steady(duh, then y the lunch date in the first place? its certainly not because we're both food connoiseur), about that im being perfectly honest(unless u have a bf of course... then asking you out would not have been in contemplation in the first place). and if u eventually give me the great big let down, of course i did feel disappointed for a while, but that dosent mean we cant have a platonic relationship right? if i didnt enjoy your company i wouldnt have asked you out in the first place.and in regards to pure platonic motives in asking you out, yeah...platonic being the key word.

i may or may not have contradicted myself through out this rant session. oh well.. nobody's perfect. thank you.. good night and good luck and happy angsting. the mental weather looks like a long absense again for a long time in other regions, rain and heavy snowfall. back to you Jim(overused cliched tv newscaster's name.....i was trying to be funny....like wearing a snow cap in tropical equatorial weather)

sappy

no more smoking in the house, dont u love yourself?, why everytime i come home u have to make me shout at you?....blah blah blah blah...and the mom goes on and on and on. me mum's back from the states..happy happy joy joy... i mean that sarcastically and of course filially. i do miss her loads and stuff but the nagging...it could have stayed in the states if u asked me. but then no one is asking me shit anyway so fuck it. speaking of mom's.. u always find that when u get nagged and scolded by your own mom its not so..erm.. harsh, so to speak, when compared to when your friend's mom launches a broadside on him and he just shrugs while you're shit scared of his mom. familiarity i guess. its been going on for 20 years and i guess its going to go on for quite a bit longer. like me dad...i dont have that sense of nonchalent partronism whenever he scolds me. jesus no... my balls invert in on themselves temporarily and..well..you dont wanna fuck around with daddy now. but i guess u could say i got off lucky. i've never been beaten as badly as some of my other friends. of course...being of the age of matuarity now(sometimes anyway) we dont really get that whole shouting and screaming but more of that you're old enough now to know what's good for you. erm...not really...not at all.

in conjunction with a belated valentine's day... neh(shrug into words) never really was a big fan of the whole rose/chocolates/romantic dinner stuff. yeah...been there and done that...who hasnt in their infinate bliss of that security blanket called love? but honestly...do you need a specific date to be reaffirm your love for someone? will you only buy roses for that special someone on that one specific day? will you only do stupid sappy lovey dovey shit only on february the 14th? honestly...the most sincere thing someone who you love can do for you and vice versa is a simple sincere i love you. everyday. dosent cost a cent. works better than roses which will eventually wither and die. of course...ppl being ppl...everybody likes complex shit. whats so un-romantic about saying i love you to someone? of course...if its done mechanically its a different story..but with a sincere heart...better than a flower with thorns. some ppl just dont appreciate the simple stuff anymore i guess. appreciation...thats the key word. no one appreciates anything anymore nowadays unless they're getting something out of it for themselves. selfish and unappreciative. thats what a millenium of evolution has done to the simple creature that crawled out of the sea onto the land on their bellies.(homo sapiens you homo ignoramus) .. heh...that was kinda weird.. from a valentine's day theme to the theory of evolution.

anyway...seeing as mrs right has yet to find me and vice versa... happy belated valentines day to one and all. ignore my rant. i just get a lil' bitchy at this time of the year.go out there and celebrate your "declaration" of love to your significant other. sigh..yes...even you homos too...no matter how distasteful it may be. even your kind deserve some kind of love at the expense of others. opps... there i angst again. single ppl out there...hey..we got more money than those love sick fools for V-Day at least. and besides...who says you cant love your friends and your family?(in a non sexual/incestuous way...sick fuck). aww hell.. i love all of you dear readers. thanks for your patronage stretching back to emptyocean.

random random random

yes...i realize there is a fucking problem with the fucking comments. too bad...i really sometimes enjoy readings comments with a grain of salt and pepper and a little bit of sour sauce for taste.dont be afraid to leave a comment...even though its not related with the comment. i dont blame you actually. as i've said in many a rant... sometimes even i dont know what the hell im saying. oh..well...since i've been born and raised a malaysian true and through im not going to do jack shit about it coz im just too goddamned lazy. i detest administrative red tape bullshit. i detest filling out forms and writing official letters politely asking for some goddamned decent service for once. anyway... in relation to red tape bullshit...finally got them offer letters (Re university applications) all good.. all expected... all except Exeter. Right...first of all...i understand that they only offer a 1+2. right...but what the hell...apply anyway. then suddenly i get an offer for 3rd year. the fuck? being the sort who's easily excitable i did not read the lower half of the letter stating in needed a second upper in my year 1 for me to get in. err...right...i already did my first year and did not get a second upper....so why are u already offering me a place in 3rd year? the results are right in my application. damn english... just tell it to me straight...am i in or out? and guess what.. .im the only one to get such an offer from exeter in the entire intake... celeberty status... fuck...ppl i dont even know are coming up to me and saying good on you. i didnt win a lottery ppl..so anyway...coming back to the issue at hand.. are they just dangling a carrot and suddenly violently pulling it away from me and saying fuck u little chink...u didnt get a second upper in year 1 and we only sent u that offer letter to rub it in? so fucking confused right now. anyway..exeter isint my only choice...have others...but i did really prefer exeter. oh well...we'll see.
see what i just did...i talked about my personal life. thats the yardstick proving that i have nothing better to do. i suppose i could talk about the Muhammad cartoons and all the shit thats been getting. i suppose i should say that it was wrong of the danish cartoonists to do so. i suppose i should also say that, though offensive and temper inducing.. the extreme measures taken are totally unnecessary and needless deaths could have been avoided. i could say a number of things about both parties...but then...i learned a long time ago...its no use getting all riled up about what the next(or indeed the current) idiot is doing/has done/is going to do. just a waste of precious brain cells commenting on every pit fall of humanity. we been tripping since we crawled out of the ocean and onto land. and we're still gonna trip when(if) we colonize the moon or mars. plus i have a big dick. (yes..i realize i ripped it from Harold and Kumar go to white castle.. i do have a sizable dick thanks for asking.... suck on it if u dont like me(yes...another standard ju statement which is crude and bla bla bla...do u honestly think i care?) )

no one can fully know another person inside out. yeah...u know me well...but how well do u know me? u dont know what i think about(other than sex) and my views on a fuck load of issues. u may just only see one side of me without seeing the entire hexagon that i really am. fuck that u dont understand me im special crap...everyone's special in their own way. negetively or positively.im sure even you are. and yeah...one day u might see a side of me that you dont like at all and just drop me like a hot rock and vice versa me to you. i totally understand. and i expect u to do the same.

what the hell happened to jean claude van damme? the muscles from brussles. honestly...the last film i saw him in was street fighter. and after that? just right off the hollywood radar. not that he was the next arnie... but hey...he was kinda alright. along the lines of steven seagal. damn...he like a hippy akido fighter...the way he always talks and has that face. yeah i know he's buddhist..whatever makes him happy.no u sensitive prick that was not a stab at buddhism. god... just because im known for sarcasm dosent mean im sarcastic all the damn time. same thing with my looks. just coz i look like a bruiser dosent mean im one. i never ever threw a punch in anger at anyone. man....that was fucking insulting when u sit across me, and ask me if i feel violent right now...if i wanna hit someone at this very moment. what do u think i am? a psycho? jesus...if anyone then you for asking such an absurb question. looks determine my personality?and man.... i dont even know you. STFU. yeah..one of my sides im talking about.

im tired and hungry now.. angst u later.

equality

ok... i might probably but most unlikely sound like a male chauvanist after this but hey, its not like i got a reputation to protect anyway.

we always hear things about feminist and how they have always been under the oppressive boots of that other human species called men. all well and good for that time and era i did say. women, i admit, did get a lot of shit from us during that time and thus we have women's sufferage and women's day and all other assorted holidays celebrating women's rights and liberties and more importantly, equality. but damnit, the way i've been seeing shit nowadays, men are getting fucking pussy whipped. dont get me wrong.. im all for women's equality. i believe that anything that a man can do, a woman can to, even better sometimes. but hell, when you curtail a guys right to do what he wants to do(bar infidelity and illegal stuff) thats just plaine taking a militant form of feminism. fine, we are sorry that we treated you like shit then with all the non voting and discriminatory acts which we did to women THEN. thats the fucking point, its history. granted, domestic abuse is a very modern and real thing thats rampantly happening these days along with rape and forced prostitution and this scribe here has zero tolerance for all that bullshit. but im talking about the bitch mode and the belief that men are meant to be kept under a woman's thumb and treated as ATMs. true, we are the providers of the family and we have a responsibility to put them food on the table but damnit, if u want a CLK(and im not talking about Cute Little Kelisa/Kancil(God...its is so annoying when ppl say that) ) and all i can afford is maybe a honda, there's no valid reason to throw a bitch fit and leave a man and poison the kids into thinking that the father is a no good bum. unmaried men, how many times have u seen that pout/ bitchy emo-ness when u couldnt afford that MNG or Zara for your lady love? True, women are empowered these days to have their earn their own money today and i fully support that form of liberty. by all means sisters, if that gucci/prada bag or vinci shoes(oh yes...i've been around the mall before) makes you happy then by all means go ahead and get it. but if the man cant pay for it then too bad. its hard enough to support ourselves let alone our significant other. im not saying that if u can afford it and still be comfortable to go ahead and be a stingy bastard. i believe that caring for your significant other also includes treating sometimes, but not all the time.

so, what im trying(trying in the very real sense of the word, coz sometimes i look back at all i've written, i dont understand what the fuck im saying myself) to convey here(but by no means preach...im not the Church/Mosque) is that.. women, treat your man right. a good relationship equals compromise and understanding. if have high demands and u fall for a guy with small supply(non sexual connotation) then u just have to accept the fact that u cant live the high life like u want to i.e retail therapy/music therapy(clubbing) sponsored by significant other, coz he just cant fucking afford it. believe me, most guys(or a small majority...depending on your worldview) would love to see their woman treated like a queen and it hurts like fuck to see that he cant provide. but plaine fucking simple fact of life...they just cant. my fellow brothers... treat your woman right and not as an object to be humped or treated like shit just because you have an agenda with a bad apple. besides... your mom is a woman too. and so is your sister and your aunty and your grandma.

complex creatures men and women.... cant live with them and cant live without them. unless you're a homosexual of course... a matter of choice i agree.. but just like how homosexuals want ppl to accept them for who they are, they gotta accept the fact that some wont. me.. i find it revolting. but then again im just being bias. never did accept homosexuals pre and post lebsian affair. no offence..its just who i am. and you know my answer to that if you dont like it. it involves u getting on your knees and making like a circus seal.